I WAS born in the eastern part of the county Tyrone in the year 1829. My father, who, I believe, has gone to be with Christ, observed family worship twice every day. Indeed, the Lord’s day was kept most strictly―everything that could possibly be done on Saturday being completed, so that proper attention might be given to religious observances. At an early age was sent to the Sunday school to obtain its religious training, but as I grew up to manhood my early impressions disappeared, and I became utterly reckless and careless.
At the age of twenty-two I left my native shores for America to do battle with the world.
Although having no regard for the things of God, still I never gave up the form of attending religious worship. Matters went on thus till the year 1858, when I was at Lonsdale, Rhode Island, U.S.A. A few students visited that place, preaching the gospel; a number professed to be saved, I among them. The minister, who was away from home at the time, said to me on his return, when he heard I professed conversion, “You saw it would be just of God to send you to hell.” To this I made no answer, as I had gone through no deep experience of my sinfulness ―indeed, I was merely aroused, I was not truly converted. I mention this as a warning, for many are awakened, and even profess to be saved, but still are not “born again.”
I returned to Ireland in the year 1862. By this time every trace of my supposed conversion had disappeared. I still, however, kept up the form of attending a place of worship. At times the Spirit of God strove with me and made me very unhappy. One verse would trouble me, “My Spirit shall not always strive with man.” (Gen. 6:33And the Lord said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years. (Genesis 6:3).)
In the year 1879, God sent two of His servants to the neighborhood where I was. The country was in a state of spiritual darkness, hardly any could say “I am saved.” The two preachers boldly affirmed that they were saved, and that they were sure of heaven any moment should the Lord be pleased to take them. They also preached that forgiveness of sins was to be enjoyed in this life. By almost everyone this was considered mere presumption. It was no uncommon thing to hear it said, “Have you heard the new doctrine?” The pulpits rang with denunciations of the “heresy.” Still the two preachers went on, and as they spoke of salvation through Christ drunkards were saved, and blasphemers commenced to pray, while those who were depending on their good lives were stripped of their self-righteousness. Indeed, many of all classes were led to Jesus, and were saved with an everlasting salvation.
It was at this time that the turning-point in my life took place. I was invited by a neighbor to go to one of these meetings. A short time afterward one of the preachers met me and inquired, “Are you born again?” To which I honestly replied, “That is a question I cannot answer.” But try as I would, I could net get the thought of the new birth banished from me.
I went again to the tent to have an interview with the preachers, and reached it an hour before the time for commencing the service. I thought I would give a hand to tighten the ropes, as I had frequently pulled on shipboard. As I was doing so, one of them said: “It’s an awful thing to be on the way to hell.” While they were arranging the tent, I asked the other evangelist what he thought of a neighbor of mine who had professed to be saved. He sharply replied, “What do you think of yourself?” These two remarks left me without a word to say. Today I can thank God for the two men who dealt honestly with me, and who, instead of gratifying my curiosity, warned me faithfully of my danger. I saw for the first time in my life that I was an enemy of God. I then believed what the minister had said to me in America―that God would be just in sending me to hell.
On my way home, as I took a survey of my past life, and conviction deepened, I saw that I was “condemned already” (John 3:1818He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. (John 3:18)), and had not a word to say in my own defense; my mouth was stopped―I was “guilty before God.” (Rom. 3:1919Now we know that what things soever the law saith, it saith to them who are under the law: that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God. (Romans 3:19).) I was in this state of anxiety for nine days, and during that time I can truly say “the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow.” (Psa. 116:33The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow. (Psalm 116:3)) Of death I had no fear, but I dreaded that which follows death “after this the judgment.” (Heb. 9:2727And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment: (Hebrews 9:27).)
I went again to the tent, and this time was not concerned about my neighbor, but was in terror lest I should be lost for eternity in the lake of fire.
The speaker dwelt on John 3:16: “God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” Though this verse has been used in leading so many to the Lord, I left the meeting unsaved. As I turned on my bed that night the judgment was always before me. Great was my agony, but I can only praise God for it, and for not allowing me to sink down in my carelessness into hell. As day dawned, light broke in upon my dark soul. I then and there saw that the work of Christ had met my need―that Gad was satisfied with the work of His own Son as my substitute. Resting on this, I had joy and peace in believing, I was able to thank Him for the knowledge of sins put away through the precious blood of Christ. “Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,” (Rom. 5:11Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: (Romans 5:1).)
Almost fifty years of sins gone through the “finished” work of Jesus! Now I can truthfully sing―
“Happy day, happy day
When Jesus washed my sins away.”
Since that time fourteen years have come and gone, and at the age of sixty-three, amid much failure, I still live as a trophy of Goth sovereign grace, and “know that, when He” (Jesus) “shall appear,” I “shall be like Him’ for” I “shall see Him as He is.” (1 John 3:22Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. (1 John 3:2).)
Reader, have you had such an experience? “The Son of Man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.” (Luke 19:1010For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost. (Luke 19:10)). Jesus has Himself said, “He that heareth My word, and believeth on Him that sent Me hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life,” (John 5:2424Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life. (John 5:24).)