My girlhood was spent without a true knowledge of God. I had grown up to young womanhood in utter carelessness about my soul, loving much the pleasures of the world, and devoting myself to dress, gay company and worldly amusements. My father would, from time to time, enter a feeble protest against these things, and he sought ineffectually to win his children from them by presenting us with books and serials of an interesting and evangelical character. My mother was more indulgent toward our follies, saying she desired our happiness.
In time my father's last illness came upon him. For weeks he sat in his chair, night and day, unable to lie down lest his weakened heart fail completely. I took my turn in watching by him; but though I could see he needed spiritual comfort, I had none to give him. Christian friends came to visit him and to read the Scriptures and pray with him. Then I heard his confession of being a "sinner saved by grace," and his touching reference to a sure hope of being with "the white-robed multitude." These statements were strange to me and I knew not what he meant.
One night I was awakened from my sleep by the nurse calling me. She said: "Your father is dying; come at once.”
I was in his room in a moment, but the others were there before me. My dear father was sitting in his chair by the fire-side, his head resting on his hand and his elbow on the table. One glance at his quiet face told me that this was the end of his earthly journey.
I sank to my knees by my father's side. There I remembered his confession of faith in Christ and his hope of eternal life through His shed blood. For the first time I realized that the dying agony of the crucified One was for me. My way to eternal life could only be through the Savior's death. In the very presence of death I found life for the first time.
I was now in a new world. Peace filled my heart and mind, and I longed to know more of the mysterious treasure I felt I possessed. But the great enemy of our souls, Satan, knew my weakness and the bait to draw me back. I was ignorant of his devices, and ignorant, too, of the Source of all strength. Perhaps I had never really heard a gospel sermon in my life, and surely I had no thought of turning to the Word; so how could I possibly have been preserved?
The solemnity of the death-scene came back, and with it came an overwhelming sense of my bereavement. But almost immediately, crowding in, came the necessary preparations for the funeral, What wiles of the devil to turn aside the soul from solemn thoughts, under the plea of proper respect for the dead! My old tastes for display revived in this planning, and many hours were spent, while my sweet peace departed, and I knew it not.
The funeral over, I awoke as from a dream. A voice within, gentle at first, then louder, seemed to say, "What have you lost?”
Yes, I had lost something. What was it? I could not say; but my conscience was guilty, and I plunged into worldly pleasures to drown its voice. Still I found no joy and no peace. Even sleep forsook me and troubled dreams were my portion. I remember waking one night with the feeling that I was dropping into hell. The thought came that I had surrendered Christ for the world—I had given my precious peace in HIM for a mess of pottage—for dress, for vanity.
But oh, His unspeakable love! "To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against Him." Dan. 9:99To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against him; (Daniel 9:9).
God, the God I scarcely knew, met me in my distress. In grace He drew me back to Himself, revealing in Christ the unsearchable riches of His grace. My inmost soul bowed before Him; and with childlike faith I learned to say, "Abbe, Father." Now I know Jesus as my Savior, and have accepted the reconciliation which He has made. All is peace in my soul.
Dear young friends, I beg of you, let nothing come between you and God.
"There's a Stranger at the door,
Let Him in;
He has been there oft before,
Let Him in;
Let Him in ere He is gone,
Let Him in the Holy One,
Jesus Christ, the Father's Son,
Let Him in.”