A few years ago, the writer was informed, by one who professed to know the circumstances, of the following solemn and sudden event. A lady, who moved in the higher circles of society, was induced to attend one evening, what was called “revival preaching.” She was convinced of sin by the preaching of the word, and became much alarmed about her state. Deep convictions followed. She struggled against them, but could not get rid of them. She thought of her many engagements, and the difficulties of her position in life. Conscience said, “Decide at once for Christ.” The world said, “Not now, but by and by — such a step should not be taken hastily.” In this state of perplexity and distress, she retired to her bedroom. But here the curtain drops — the scene closes to mortal view. As she did not appear the following morning, or answer to any call, her room was entered. But oh! what a sight to the family! The struggle was over — the stillness of death reigned. There the body lay, cold and lifeless; but — the soul — where now? It was gone — gone to its eternal place. All was changed — changed suddenly — changed forever.
Her diary lay open on her table. Two entries had been made the previous evening. They were to this effect.
1. “I am determined, this day six months, to give up the world and become a Christian,” But, as if the conflict in her soul had deepened, and conscience crying still louder, “Be decided now for Christ;” she made a second entry.
2. “This day month I am determined to be done with the world and follow Christ.” Beyond this last entry we cannot follow her. God took the matter out of her hands. All her intentions, however good, were vain. The present moment only is ours. It is daring work to treat God as if our days and months were in our own hands in place of His. He will sometimes visit such rashness with marked judgment. It is always dangerous to trifle with convictions, and delay decision for Christ. It is really to trifle with the strivings of the Spirit, the truth of God, the claims of Christ, the salvation of the soul, the glories of heaven, and the torments of hell. But no one on earth can tell what may have passed between her soul and God during that solemn night. It is but fair to infer from these two entries that she passed through deep exercise, if not real agony of soul. Oh! what a night! — it was the dark shadow of a night of endless woe, or the breaking morn of eternal day. What a night for heaven — what a night for hell —what a night for her! Who is to gain the victory? —Christ or Satan — the truth or a he? Solemn thought! Eternal happiness or eternal misery quiver in the balance. But it is comforting to know, that one look of faith to the blessed Savior would settle all for heaven and the blessedness of her soul forever.
But is the case before us an uncommon one? Alas! no. Convictions, struggles, resolutions, and re-resolutions are what go on for a length of time in many awakened souls. Comparatively few, we fear, yield at once and entirely to the Savior’s call— “Come unto me;” and to His fair demand — “Give me thine heart.” But this is always a personal question. Dear reader, how is it with thee? Thou knowest the gospel—Jesus died for sinners — He died for thee—His precious blood cleanseth from all sin. Pray tell me, art thou decided for Christ? — I mean fully decided now—just now. Or art thou saying in practice, though not daring to write in thy diary— “This day six months” — or, to ease the pangs of conscience, art thou reducing the period of thy purposed connection with the world, and of thy surrender to Christ, to — “This day month?” God forbid! Beware, my dear reader. I tremble for thee if this be thy state. Dare not, I pray thee, trifle another moment with the convictions of thy conscience. God speaks; bow, obey, or He may arise and vindicate the claims of His beloved Son. In His holy and righteous government He may solemnly judge such daringness, even though in grace He may save the soul. He ever cares for His Son. “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, hear him;” is His sweet testimony to thee. Let thy happy response from earth be, through these opened heavens,” This is my beloved Savior, in whom I am well pleased; adored forever be His blessed, saving name!”
Then, Ο then, thou art one with heaven. Thy sins, which were many, are forgiven; thy faith hath saved thee, go in peace. The Lord hath left these comforting words for thee, and for all who believe in Him. Receive them as spoken directly to thyself. Look to Jesus only. Let thine eye be fixed on Him, and let His word be the only rule of thy faith and practice. He who loved thee and died for thee will never leave thee nor forsake thee. Trials, difficulties, disappointments, and sorrows, as to this life, may come — are sure to come; but trust all to Him, and wait His time of deliverance, and never, never, never doubt His love, or His care for thee.
Child of my love, “Lean hard,”
And let me feel the pressure of thy care.
I know thy burden, child — I shaped it,
Poised it in my own hand, made no proportion
In its weight to thine unaided strength.
Before I ever laid it on, I said,
“I shall be ever near, and while she leans on me
“This burden shall be mine, not hers:
“So shall I keep my child within the circling arms
“Of mine own love.” — Here lay it down, nor fear
To impose it on a shoulder which upholds
The government of worlds — yet closer come,
Thou art not near enough; I would embrace thy care,
So I might feel my child reposing on my heart:
Thou lovest me? I doubt it not,
Then, loving me, “Lean hard.”