Feb. 10. (Notes, verbatim.) “Since I’ve seen you, I’ve had temptations from the devil, but he could not overcome me. He said I was deceiving myself. He said I was a sinner. But I said Christ came into the world on purpose to save sinners. He came again. He said to me, ‘Your faith is too good.’ I said, ‘There’s the cross. There’s the blood of Jesus. Is that any good? I believes in it. Mine is not a dead faith, it’s a living faith. There’s two sorts. Faith without works is dead.’ So he vanished away at that, when I telled him about the cross, and the blood of Christ. He thought of doing me, I suppose, because I was weak. But I was under the care of Him that bears the world and all things up. How could I sink? My faith is an unshaken faith. It’s a full grounded faith. I know what the faith of the world is. A faith without works is dead. But when we have the faith of Christ, we be strengthened. It’s like a wall of fire about us. We’re kept from the enemy.
“Christ did not die in vain. I know in Him I have life. And He is able to keep that I have committed to Him. I committed my soul, and my body, and my spirit, and all that I have to Him. I have given up the world, and I’ve given up myself. I lie in His hands as the clay in the hands of the potter.
“We may be deformed now, but the days are coming when we shall be like the Lord. There’s a day coming when we shall have a glorified body, and be filled with that full glory which we can’t enjoy so much till we experience that change. How long! I wish the day was here.
“We poor creatures, wandering through the wilderness, are saved by faith and by hope. The Lord is my strength and my salvation. Let the devil tempt as much as ever he will, I will never give up that faith. I’ve committed my all to the Savior, and I trusts Him. I trusts when I can’t see.
“So I aint had Satan since. The blood of the cross quite settled him. He said Christ died for some, for some He did not die. But I telled him he were a liar from the beginning, and he continued so still.
“I never shall be lost! I am saved! I have that hope in me, the evidence I am the Lord’s. He has spared my life for some end. It’s for His glory, I hope. I hope to praise Him while I live. It is but a short time I shall have strength to speak good of His name. He is not willing that any should perish. Like this tract says (“Words of Truth”), it’s impossible to be saved without being born again, we cannot see God. But there’s a faith as will carry us through this dark vale of tears to that celestial hill—the pilgrim’s home. I feel at this time so firm in Christ. I enjoy sweet communion with my Savior. I have peace—peace which the world cannot give or take away.
“I don’t deceive myself. I am not out of my mind. I was; but I am in my right mind now. The Lord have removed those doubts and fears; those slavish, unworthy doubts and fears, the Lord have removed them all. I am full of light. I am full of love, full of joy, full of peace. All through Jesus Christ—not of myself. I know that in my flesh dwells no good thing. I have a hope blooming with immortality. My life is hid with Christ in God—blended with Him—grounded in Him—settled in Him. When I enjoy the Savior, can I be wrong? When Christ is formed in my heart, can I be wrong? No, devil; it aint me! I didn’t use to feel like this; but thou hast changed me from darkness to light, Lord Jesus. Thou savest me from the power of the devil. The devil shall not have dominion over me. The flesh, I know, is weak; but the spirit is strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. I shall rejoice with angels and archangels. I shall have nothing to do with the blackness of darkness. It don’t matter where I am now; the Lord is with me—my hope, my strength, my safeguard, and my tower, “whereunto I continually resort.” I can carry all my troubles to Him. He cares for me. Yes, the Lord cares for me! My name is written in heaven; my name is written in the Lamb’s book of life. And it’s all alone of His mercy; it’s all alone of His free gift; it’s all alone of His grace. Yes, it’s the grace of God that’s in my heart. Ο that I may ever be like a little child! Ο may I hang on Jesus, may I trust in Him at all times, and pour out my heart before Him—the strength of my heart and my portion forever—my God!
“Whatever may come, I hope to fight the battles of the Lord, and to be a witness for Christ. Ο that I may be a true witness. Ο bless God that, through mercy and through grace, I’ve the love of Christ that strengthens me and supports me from day to day. Soon this poor lisping tongue will be silent; but I shall behold Him. I shall hang upon thee, Lord Jesus; I shall trust in thee. Thou hast promised never to leave me nor forsake, but to be my strength.”
Speaking of conversion, later on, he said, with deep solemnity—the “unseen” things in view— “It’s a great change. It’s as big a change as from day to night! We can’t see ourselves till then—like the blind man that came to the Lord. We are wonderfully made.”
Some notes, taken down at different times, have not as yet been transcribed.
Feb. 27. His greeting was, “Here I am, but it is the hand of God. I can say at this time, with a true heart, that Christ is precious beyond everything in the world. His names are all so clear, so precious: I would not part with one of His names for the world. I am speaking from experience. He is called a Savior, and He is able to save me to the very uttermost. It says He is called Jesus, and I could not part with that name. And He is called the Lamb of God. The Lamb of God! How precious, how deep everything is in His name! He is the Firstborn! Our righteousness; our all in all. He knows every thought, every interest of the heart, glory be to His name! He knows our temptations and our afflictions. He is our great High Priest. I bless God, He is able and willing to forgive us our sins........ He is called Wonderful, and ‘Counselor.’ I feel Him to be ‘Counselor.’—He puts all the good thoughts into my heart. He is the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace. I could not barter one of those names for ten thousand worlds. He is everything.
“He is called the Good Shepherd......He says He is the Door.......He is called the Vine. Every branch that beareth fruit, He purges it, that it may bring forth more fruit. My religion would be vain, if I did not love His name. I bless God there is a reality in true religion. There is a love that casts out fear, all slavish fear. I bless God that I feel Him at this time precious to my soul Christ is formed in me. But I feel sometimes a little tempted of the devil, and I have been a little tried since I saw you. He says I brags too much about religion. I telled him, I did not think there could be too much about a Good Master, that has done so much for me. I said that I were blind—He opened my eyes. I was in darkness—He gave me light. Can I speak too much in His praise? Can I speak too much about Jesus, who did so much for me? The Lord have forgiven all my sins, and written my name in the Lamb’s book of life. I know that when I shall lay this poor weak body down, I have a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. And that is not all He has done for me, but He keeps me in perfect peace from day to day. My mind is set on Him. Whether I wake or sleep, I am the Lord’s: I am sure I am. The witness is within. I know the outward show, I’ve known it for years; it’s nothing but a shell. —There’s no kernel in it, no inside. No, it’s all formal; it’s all destitute of the Spirit of God, the love of God, the power of God. But I am made a new creature in Christ Jesus. He have such a lot of names, and they’re all endeared to me that I can think of. He’s my first thoughts and my last thoughts. He makes all my bed in my affliction. I lies here today as though I had but just laid down, and I’ve laid nearly five and thirty weeks on my back. I can’t stir, I can’t stand of myself. But here I lies, as though it were just now. What a blessing! It must have been the Lord. When I was well, I did not think I could have done it. I’m a monument of His holy mercy. I feel I’m a growing in grace. I am growing in the knowledge of Christ. I never could say what I can say now from my heart. Jesus loves me, and I live in Him. He is in me and I am in Him. We be riveted together, as it were. He is an unchangeable Friend, and I trusts Him. I feel God is my Father through Christ. I am washed. I am being sanctified and made meet for heaven. I feel the pardon of my sins, and I seem to feel the love of Christ, and such a love for heaven! I have no fear of hell. I’ve no fear of any torment, no fear of any trouble, If I were to die today, I’ve got assurance—I’ve a living faith. I seem sometimes a mystery to myself. I never saw God, I never saw Christ, but I have faith. I believe in them as though I had seen them today with my bodily eyes. I have never seen heaven; never seen God nor Christ; but my faith is so strong, I can see them as fair as I can see the light. We need not go many miles to see Jesus. If I had to walk to Calvary, to Gethsemane, I never could. But I can go, bless God, in a moment. I have Him in my heart. God is my record, that what I say is truth. I shall have to appear before Him, and give an account of the deeds done in the body; and if I lie before Him on this bed, and don’t speak the truth, hell must be before me, and a hot one!
“May I improve my time. God has given me a talent, and if all the devils were in this room, I’m determined to own Christ as my all. If He takes me in a moment away from the world, I will own Him as my Savior and my God. He is the Son of God: I know it; I believe it. He was the Man of sorrows once, and acquainted with grief. But He is the God of my salvation.”