A twentieth-century philosopher once made the somewhat perceptive statement that “loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.” For some, being alone and being lonely are synonymous words; to be alone is to be lonely. For others, social interaction is valued as an occasional experience, but for the most part they are happiest when living and working in solitude. However, the Lord Himself said, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18), for God has created man with a basic need to be loved and understood. Despite variations in personalities and preferences, too much of being alone affects all of us adversely. In prisons it is a well-known form of punishment to place inmates in solitary confinement for a period of time.
God’s View
To look at loneliness and being alone in a right light, we must go back to God’s Word and see God’s view of it. We read in Revelation 4:11, “Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.” This creation includes man — the summit of God’s creation. More than this, we read that when God created man, He said, “Let Us make man in Our image, after Our likeness” (Gen. 1:26). Not only was man in need of human companionship in this world, but he was also able to have fellowship with God Himself. God was creating those who could respond to His love and His claims. God was sufficient unto Himself in everything except in His love; He must have objects to love.
But we all know what happened. Man believed Satan instead of trusting God and, in disobeying the one command God had given him, spoiled his relationship with God. The resultant estrangement between man and God, with all the sorrows sin has caused, has been the real cause of the heartache and sorrow in this world. Loneliness has been one of those by-products of sin, and it is very prevalent today. The Internet has brought to light the magnitude of the problem. It has been estimated that at any one time, there are about one billion people online in the world. Of these, about half are conducting business or corresponding with friends, while the other half are seeking for love and a relationship. But our age of social media, while it has made communication with others dramatically easier, has not really brought people together or solved the problem of loneliness. Many people feel more isolated and lonely than ever.
And yet there are those who have led happy, productive and fulfilled lives, despite the fact that they have been alone much of the time. Although such individuals tend to be rare today, they are a pleasure to meet and to get to know. They seem to radiate an inner peace and energy that does not depend on others. They are able to interact with the world and with people, but they are not dependent on them. Companionship is welcome when it is available, but if not, they are content to go on by themselves. Such people too are usually busy, and time does not “hang on their hands.”
Loneliness and Aging
Of course, some may say that all this is fine as long as one has health, some money, and perhaps some real and personal interests that occupy the time. But what about those who are older, those whose health is failing, those who cannot get out and do much, or those who cannot pursue a particular hobby or interest? Is there an answer to the loneliness that can easily develop, or the feelings of worthlessness and self-pity that can creep into our hearts?
We have already touched on this subject in an article in a previous issue of The Christian (September 2016), where we noticed that even the world recognizes that to have a meaningful life, we need to have a cause beyond ourselves. This simple fact is so important that perhaps it is not out of place to mention it again. The individual who is occupied with himself is never happy, nor ever can be. Of course, the world never gets beyond itself, and even a cause outside of ourselves, while it may provide tremendous help for those who feel lonely and need stimulation, can never really satisfy the heart. Man’s heart is too big for anything in this world to fill it. God created our hearts, and only He can fill them.
First of all, it is important to recognize that there is no perfect answer down here, in this world. We live in a world of sin, and as Christians our bodies are still subject to aging and disease. Until we are called home, we can never be perfectly happy, because our blessed Savior is absent. The hymnwriter put it well: “What can full joy and blessing be, but being where Thou art?” When we lose a loved one in death, especially a spouse, loneliness is there and cannot be denied. An older widow recently confided to me that one of the hardest things was suddenly having to go to bed alone. There is no really complete remedy for this.
The Right Perspective
But to get the right perspective on anything in this world, we must bring Christ in, and this is true of the subject we are discussing. Was He lonely during His pathway in this world? Undoubtedly He was, although the actual word is not used in Scripture, and in applying this word to our blessed Lord, we must be careful to define our terms. The Lord Jesus was not sad or unhappy because He was often alone, but there is no doubt that He felt the lack of sympathetic and friendly companionship. How many times we find Him alone, having no one who could really understand! Even among crowds, how seldom were there those who really sympathized with Him or understood His mission here in this world! His example shows us how to handle the challenge of being alone or being loneliness.
To walk in the steps of the Master is often to be alone — to understand, at least to some extent, what He went through in this world. It is to suffer with Christ, a most valuable experience and one that we will remember for all eternity. Many believers down through the ages have suffered for Christ, and we would not demean this in any way. Their faithfulness under torture, even unto death, will win them the crown of life. But suffering with Christ is deeper and identifies us with His inner thoughts, His feelings. It is a rare privilege, as one of His greatest sufferings during His earthly ministry was the fact that most of the time no one understood Him.
Unbroken Fellowship
What then is the answer to being alone, and perhaps also being lonely? The first and foremost answer is that solitude gives us an opportunity to enjoy unbroken fellowship with our Lord and Savior. True communion with Him is always important, but sometimes in the busy stream of life our human interactions stand in the way of a deeper acquaintance with our blessed Lord. When we are alone much of the time, it is a chance to develop a richer relationship with the One with whom we shall spend all eternity. If this chance is afforded to us, let us not miss it.
However, we are still in this world, and again, the example of our blessed Lord shows us the way. We read of Him, “In the daytime He was teaching in the temple; and at night He went out, and abode in the mount that is called the mount of Olives” (Luke 21:37). This was the pattern of His life — time alone with His Father, and then untiring service to man. So it should be with us. If we find ourselves alone, we should use the time, first of all, to cultivate a fuller relationship with our Lord. But we should also look for opportunities to be of service to others and to alleviate their burdens, if possible. To find our joy in serving others is not only to be like Christ; it is to bring joy to ourselves too. “He that watereth shall be watered also himself” (Prov. 11:25). To serve others is not only to bring them joy; it will cause our own hearts to overflow. If we are busy serving others, we will not have time to feel lonely or feel sorry for ourselves. I well remember many years ago reading of a doctor who was faced with a woman who was constantly taken up with herself, and thus developed many ailments, most of which had a large psychosomatic component. He finally gave her an unusual prescription: “Do something for someone else.” It was good advice, for those who are taken up with self-pity or find life “boring” will find that being occupied with the needs of others lifts them above their own problems.
But some may say, “What if you are old or weak in the body and find it difficult to serve others?” We admit that this casts us on the Lord, and there is no easy solution. But nothing is of greater service than prayer, and nothing touches a caregiver more than a joyful spirit. The same Jesus of whom it was said, “All the disciples forsook Him, and fled” (Matt. 26:56), assures us that “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Heb. 13:5). How good it is to be able to go through life’s lonely times in the company of the One who truly understands, for He has felt the same! “In all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest ... for in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succor them that are tempted” (Heb. 2:17-18).
W. J. Prost