IN December, 1875, a draft of nine hundred soldiers arrived at Gibraltar to strengthen the garrison. Amongst the number was H., a man of fair education, who had been brought up strictly and religiously. When H. had first enlisted he was shocked at the bad language commonly used by the soldiers and he had inwardly resolved to keep himself separate from their ways, and never to disgrace himself by bad conduct, but alas his resolves were like all others made without God’s help―they were soon broken.
He thought that, in order to get to heaver at last, he needed merely to say his prayers, and to attend church regularly, taking the sacrament on special occasions, and of course abstaining from drunkenness and swearing. But, after his enlistment, by degrees his prayers at night dropped off, and at last he was surprised and shocked to hear himself swear One bad step leads to another. H. was soon an adept in all kinds of wickedness.
At the time our story commences he had left his old comrades, and had arrived at Gibraltar, where his former good resolutions came again into force. He could not forget his pious mother’s last words to him on the night of her death, when he was a boy of seven years old, and the Sunday-school hymn, which the family then sang together―
“Here we suffer grief and pain,
Here we meet to part again,
In heaven we’ll part no more.”
As the chorus was sung by the surrounding children the mother joined in, and the last words H. ever heard her utter were these―
“Oh! that will be joyful, joyful,
When we meet to part no more.”
And now that he was a grown-up man, as he paced about the “Rock,” his mother’s last words rang in his ears.
The old memory made H. determine to begin to say his prayers again, and to attend church regularly, but, alas! in one short month his resolutions had all broken down and he was as far off the kingdom of God as ever. He had yet to learn that his good works would not save him, and that unless he was born again, as the Saviour has said, he could not even see the kingdom of God.
H. got, through his bad ways, into disgrace, and one day, because of misconduct, he had to do work as a mason’s laborer at an officer’s house, and it was at this moment that the Lord commenced His work with him, and in a strange way.
At the officer’s house there was a servant girl, who H., in a jocular manner usual to soldiers, asked to go out with him for a walk on Sunday evening. The girl’s reply in broad Scotch, was, “Do ye na’ regard the Sabbath?”
H. with mock humility replied, “Oh yes, certainly,” when the girl said, “Gwa to kirk, then.”
“I will go,” said he, “but on one condition, that you will look at me and wink now and then.”
Sunday night arrived, and for the second time in his life, H. attended a service other than that of the Church of England. Very scant attention did he pay to the prayers, being occupied with his nodding, and this continued until the text was given out, when the minister, who was a very old man, began to preach extempore. H. had not heard that kind of preaching before; he turned round to listen, and soon forgot his nonsense, nay, even the church itself and everything around him, his whole soul being riveted with what the minister said. He longed to know that which the aged man was pressing on the people, a personal meeting of the sinner with the Saviour.
At the close of the service an invitation was given for private conversation in the vestry to such as were anxious to know for themselves that of which the sermon had treated. Oh! how H. longed to be a Presbyterian, for he had the idea that the invitation only referred to acknowledged members of the congregation, and therefore that, as he was not one, the minister would turn him out. He hung about the chapel for some time that night, and for three weeks after he was often at its doors listening to the singing at the various meetings, but was afraid to go in. In the day time, he collected all the tracts he could lay hands on, and studied them, hoping to get happy that way, but reading them did him no good. He had no thought of reading the word of God, and seeking God’s way of salvation.
One night as he was looking through the window of the church at the few inside, a hand was laid upon his shoulder, and a voice said, “Won’t you come inside, chummy?” The speaker was a private soldier.
H. replied, “Oh! I have been longing to get in there for weeks, but I am not Presbyterian.”
The soldier told him the meetings were open to all, and he and H. went in, and at the moment the two men entered, these word were being sung―
“Washed in the blood of the Lamb.”
The character of the meeting was new to H. and at the close the minister and a Christian officer asked him if he were saved.
Never having had that question put to hire before, and not so much as knowing what they meant, he replied, “I do not know.” All he knew was this: he was wretched and miserable since the Sunday night he had heard Mr. C. preach. The two Christians then tried to show H. the blessed truths of God, but he could not understand them, and after some months’ attendance there he thought he would try another place, and see if the people of a chapel could save him.
Here, at the first interview with the minister, he was told that no one could know if he were saved until he died, and that it was presumption for anyone to say he was saved. “Ah!” thought H., “I now have got to the right place at last,” and immediately he said to himself, “I will belong to this religion.” So he began to work hard for salvation, but this did not give him peace, indeed, he grew more wretched than ever.
What was he to do? One minister told him it was a believer’s privilege to know he was saved, another said it was presumption for anyone to say he was saved. Between them both he was wretched, yes, sometimes so desperate was he that he flung his religious books away, and dived deeper into sin than ever. But sin did not give him peace, and he had to come back to seek salvation, but broken-hearted.
Once he went so far as to read an infidel book, and to try to convince himself for a time that there was no God; but infidelity gave him no peace, and he became more wretched than ever.
This state of things lasted for three years, and H. describes this period as the darkest time of his life. At the close of these years of misery he felt he was too bad to be saved, and that there was no hope for him whatever. And then it was that in his misery he took his Bible down from the shelf and bethought himself that he would hear what God says. The book fell open at those wonderful words of Jesus: ― “All that the Father giveth Me shall come to Me; and him that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.” (John 6:3737All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out. (John 6:37).) These words cheered H’s downcast soul. He felt he could go on and seek Christ till he really found Him.
About this time H. became acquainted with another soldier, a corporal, who was not only a Christian, but well instructed in the Scriptures. This man read his Bible, and believed what he read. He told H. most emphatically that he himself was saved, and that he was privileged to know it. He proved this from the word of God itself, and showed H. that when the Saviour said, “Him that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out,” He really meant what He said.
Then, for the first time in his life, H. really believed that the Lord Jesus had spoken to him, and at that hour, as a poor sinner, he put his trust in Him. He thanked the Lord for His words, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth My word, and believeth on Him that sent Me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life” (John 5:2424Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life. (John 5:24).); and also for the words of the apostle, “These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.” (1 John 5:1313These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God. (1 John 5:13).)
Since that day, now long years ago, H. has rejoiced in the saving knowledge of the precious blood of Jesus, which cleanseth from all sin.
The blessed Word of God is written not to leave us in dreaded uncertainty, but to give the believer to know that he has eternal life, and that a gracious God means him to know it also. J. H.