Parenting as practiced by Paul Paul was an apostle of Jesus Christ, a teacher, an evangelist, a shepherd, and a spiritual father. His fathering care and tender love for his children is evident throughout his all epistles. In Galatians he refers to those he had so much concern about, as "my little children". To the Thessalonian believers he was gentle as a nurse who cherishes her children, exhorting, comforting and charging them as a father his children. In young Timothy he had found a dearly beloved son, in Titus, his own child after the faith, and to the Corinthians he expressed concern because they had not many fathers, while he warned them as his beloved sons. His example shows the immeasurable impact parents have upon their children and the normal love and affection that ought mark every parent—child relationship.
Philippian Fundamentals for Parenting
One has been impressed that Paul's letter to the Philippians—the epistle which gives us many principles for living a normal Christian life in this world—also presents an especially wonderful treasure chest of principles which give guidance for parents as they raise their children.
Let us first notice that there are four main themes of his letter: Chapter one presents the Lord Jesus as the Purpose of normal Christian life (1:20, 21). Chapter two presents the Lord Jesus as the Pattern of normal Christian life (2:5-11). Chapter three presents the Lord Jesus as the Prize to be gained in living a normal Christian life (3:8-14), and chapter four presents the Lord Jesus as the power needed for living a normal Christian life (4:13). Christ is everything in normal Christian life!
These are four fundamental building blocks-purpose, pattern, prize and power—which are essential for effective Christian parenting. They provide the spiritual foundations which when built on, will lead to the preservation and blessing of our children, protecting their hearts from being stolen by Satan and this present evil world. Let's consider them more closely.
A Proper Purpose
Children need a proper Purpose for life—the Lord Jesus Christ.
Their tender hearts crave satisfaction just as do ours. Parents, do you know He alone can fully and truly satisfy? Then teach that to your children. The world is your competition. It presents to them its own corrupted and defiled heroes as objects for their hearts' satisfaction.
Its heroes—real or fantasy—come from fairy tales, entertainment, music, sports, military might, science fiction, or even hobbies. And while some things, if very carefully controlled may be relatively harmless, see to it dad and mom, that you do control how much contact you allow your children to have and how involved you allow them to become with those things.
For example, Winnie the Pooh® characters are gentle, harmless and enjoyable—and when properly controlled, can be fun. The danger is that they, if not properly controlled, may seem more real, loving, and gentle to your children then the blessed Savior, Himself—becoming a substitute for Him.
Almost all the heroes of this dark world—real or fantasy—are characterized by one or more godless traits—pride, fantasy, foolishness, violence, or corruption. Dad and mom! don't expect the heroes of a world that spit in the face of the blessed Lord Jesus Christ to provide your children with a heart's desire which will attach them to our blessed Savior!
Further, almost everything the world offers children will be hidden under an exciting and harmless appearing cover. Never forget that the enemy of your children's souls is that angel of light who deceived Eve in the garden. (2 Cor. 11:14).
Fill your children's hearts from their earliest moments with the Supreme Object above all objects—Jesus—the only One Who can truly fill and satisfy their precious hearts. Speak His blessed Name often to them from the time they are infants. Use every circumstance in life as an opportunity to speak well and lovingly of the Lord Jesus. Redeem the time (Eph. 5:16), bringing the blessed Savior into everything-every circumstance of life-every day. Let your children see that the Lord Jesus is truly the supreme Object and Purpose of normal life.
A Proper Pattern
We often hear this saying—and it has much truth in it—"what you do speaks so loud, I can't hear what you say". Our children learn by example and are guided by example, as well as by words (Eph. 5:1). Providing an example for others to follow is a Divine principle.
"Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample." (Phil. 3:17). Dad and mom, be very exercised about the example your life provides for your lambs!
The Lord Jesus in His life, sets the perfect example of love, service, humility—all of the virtues that parents should desire to see developed in their lambs, are seen in His life. But those Divine virtues ought to be seen having their proper effect in the lives of parents, first. Words mean little to children, if actions do not support what is spoken. The Lord Jesus sets the perfect example as a Man who "began both to do and to teach." His actions (as a Man) morally came before His words—His words were perfectly supported by His actions.
We are not perfect as He was, but the example we seek to set for our children, can "be perfect" in the sense of having our hearts fully committed to walking with the Lord, in full submission to His Word. (1 Kings 8:61, 2 Tim. 3:17).
A Proper Prize
In Philippians, the Lord Jesus Christ Himself is set forth as the prize to be gained (Phil. 3:9-14). He is to be the motivation for living a normal Christian life. Everything in this life was, to Paul, as worthless when compared to the prize of the calling on high of God in Christ Jesus.(Phil. 3:14, JND)
While much blessing can result from giving children appropriate rewards to encourage them in their obedience—rewards should never be used as inducements to cause obedience. We read, "If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them." (John 13:17). A believer is not to obey the Lord because he expects to be rewarded, but because he finds joy—happiness—resulting from obedience to the Lord. Thus, in the natural realm as in spiritual, an obedient child is a happy child.
Abraham, the friend of God, was one whose life was marked by obedience to God and there were tangible results—"the LORD hath blessed my master greatly...he hath given him flocks, and herds, and silver, and gold, and menservants, and maidservants, and camels, and asses." (Gen. 24:35). Under law, Israel was rewarded for obedience. "Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a peculiar treasure unto me above all people..." (Ex. 19:5-see also Deut. 11:8-17). Though we are not under law, when children are obedient, wise giving of rewards from time to time provides encouragement and reinforcement of their obedience.
Suppose one summer day a father says to his son, "I want you to mow the yard." The boy obeys and starts to mow. The day is hot and the work is hard, so while the boy is toiling, the father comes to him and says, "You're working very hard. When you're finished, let's go to the ice cream shop and get a treat." This reward is neither an incentive or inducement to obey—it is an encouragement to press on in the path of obedience.
Remember too, dad and mom, your children are noticing whether or not obedience marks your life—if you too are seeking to please the Lord, as you want them to do. "If ye love me, keep my commandments." (John 14:15)
Proper Power
Children should know that they have access to an unlimited supply of power to help them to be obedient. They need to realize that while obedience is expected, they have the power to obey because they can do all things through Christ (Phil. 4:13). All of us soon find that submission and obedience are part of a very difficult conflict. The world, the flesh, and Satan actively oppose any desire to obey God. Realize that in demanding obedience and submission (absolutely vital!), your children face very real foes that constantly encourage them to rebel and disobey. Show them by example that in the Lord Jesus there is found all strength and moral courage needed to walk in obedience.
Remember, the world in its frantic pursuit after power, will teach your children to look within themselves to find the source of power necessary to do what they want. This concept is full blown humanism, rampant in every area of Cain's world today.
It is vital that your children early learn—by your example and words—that the strength needed to walk through this dark world and the power to submit and obey God's Word, is only found in the Lord Jesus Christ. "But unto them which are called...Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God." (1 Cor. 1:24). "... my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might." (Eph. 6:10).
Thus have we considered the fundamental building blocks of principles for parenting as seen in the apostle's letter to the believers in Philippi. We will now take up in more detail some of those precious principles found in the epistle that Paul wrote under Divine inspiration, to the Philippian believers. May our blessed God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, be pleased to bless these thoughts to each who read them.