Prayer and fellowship
1:3-6 "1 thank my God upon every remembrance of you, Always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy, For your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now; Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform [it] until the day of Jesus Christ:”
It may seem strange that we begin our meditation by encouraging parents to earnestly pray for their children. But the example of this father's continual prayers for his spiritual children serves as a striking and important reminder that earnest, constant parental prayer is an absolute, vital necessity. It is the indispensable and normal service upon which all other Christian parenting must be based. Let us always "Pray without ceasing" for our children (1 Thess. 5:17).
The Philippians' hearts were also engaged with the apostle's in the gospel and thus they enjoyed fellowship together. Along with constant prayer, it is good to draw the hearts of children into fellowship with parents' spiritual exercises. The glorious gospel of Jesus Christ is a normal, fundamental part of everyday Christian family life. It needs to be lived, enjoyed, and proclaimed! "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek." (Rom. 1:16).
We also see that Paul had confidence in the Lord's completion of His Divine work in the Philippian believers. Earnest, prayerful Christian parenting produces the same spirit of confidence in the Lord's working for blessing in the lives of children. But such confidence is all in the Lord, for He said "without me ye can do nothing." (John 15:5).
Winning Hearts and Gaining Confidence
v 7 "as it is righteous for me to think this as to you all, because ye have me in your hearts..." (JND)
Paul had confidence in their future blessing because they had him "in their hearts" (please notice the important difference and correct reading in the JND translation). Having won their hearts in love he could be assured that they would give themselves to him in love and obedience. We earlier spoke of the vital necessity of winning our children's hearts. In Prov. 4:23 the father beseeches his son: "Keep thy heart more than anything that is guarded; for out of it are the issues of life." (JND). If parents gain their children's confidence by winning their hearts, they can more effectively guide them from harmful influences.
The Right Kind of Love
v 8 "For God is my record, how greatly I long after you all in the bowels of Jesus Christ.”
Paul's care and concern was measured according to the tender affections of Christ—a far higher love and motive than the world's. Christ's love ought to be the standard of affection between parents and children. Human affection—which makes amazing sacrifices for its objects—may be dangerous if it gives what Divine love would withhold, or if it withholds what the tender bowels of Christ would give.
God loves without needing a reason. Human love, when not guided by Divine affection, loves because of what it receives. When David defeated the mighty foe, Goliath, and was esteemed and honored by all Israel, Michal, Saul's daughter, loved him. (1 Sam. 18:20). She desired to be connected with his glory and honor. However, later when the ark of God was returned to Jerusalem, she looked out at a window seeing her husband David and despised him (1 Chron. 15:29), for she received nothing for self from David's joy. May Divine love—the bowels of Jesus Christ—mark the affections of parents.
Expressing Love Properly
v 9-11 "And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in full knowledge and all intelligence, that ye may judge of and approve the things that are more excellent, in order that ye may be pure and without offense for Christ's day, being complete as regards the fruit of righteousness, which [is] by Jesus Christ, to God's glory and praise." (JND)
Little children—if living in a normal, loving family environment—will by nature, freely express love in natural purity and innocence. However they do not always know when such displays of love are appropriate or wise.
Paul prayed for his children in the faith, that their love would not only increase and abound (happy condition for a Christian home!), but that its display among them would be guided by Divine wisdom and according to Divine righteousness. Even very little children can be taught to appropriately, in a way pleasing to the Lord, display the love they so naturally and willingly express. Encourage children to abound in love, while giving guidance for its right and proper expression.
When "Bad" Is Good
v 18 "What then? notwithstanding, every way, whether in pretense, or in truth, Christ is preached; and 1 therein do rejoice, yea, and will rejoice.”
Things didn't seem to be working out very well for the beloved apostle (see v 12-17). He was a prisoner in a Roman dungeon, and even though the gospel had been blessed to souls, some of those who had been saved through his preaching were now using the very gospel that had saved them, to add even more afflictions to the beloved servant of Christ. But he did not get discouraged, for he knew that "all things work together for good to them that love God..." (Rom. 8:28).
Our lives often work out differently from what we think best. Families may be confronted with serious trials and difficulties, while at other times, they become the object of positive persecution. The apostle was happy because both the bad and the good were being used to further the gospel and magnify Christ. Parents should instill in their children, this same spirit of humble acceptance of God's sovereign ways.
Thinking of Others
v 19 "For I know that this shall turn to my salvation through your prayer, and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ,”
See how beautifully Paul claims the prayers of his beloved Philippian children! Their prayers for him were the natural outflow of their love for him. A happy service in which to engage our children—praying for dad and mom, brothers and sisters, and others too!
An Object for Life—a Purpose for Living
v 20, 21 "According to my earnest expectation and hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but in all boldness, as always, now also Christ shall be magnified in my body whether by life or by death. For for me to live [is] Christ, and to die gain" (JND).
We witness almost daily the tragic ends of those who no longer feel they have any purpose or reason for living. Without Christ life is a hopeless existence ending in a hopeless eternity.
But Paul had a wonderful purpose for living—a Divine and eternal Object for this life and for that to come—Jesus Christ. He was the purpose of Paul's life. No purpose or object was more precious to the apostle then that Divine Person.
In answer to the question, "What's the purpose of life?", the world will offer your children many attractive choices. Each will seek to claim their interests and energies for its own gain and welfare. Of course, the things the prince of this world (John 12:31, 16:11, Eph. 2:2) presents to them will seem very worthwhile and attractive. But what Satan or the world presents your children will always be substitutes for Christ—never means to help them move through this life to His honor and glory.
Dad and mom! present the Lord Jesus Christ to your children as the preeminent purpose for life—the Object for living. Only when He is so, will all else—careers, hobbies, friends, etc.—find a proper level in their lives. But don't expect them to have Christ as the Object and purpose for their lives, if He is not by example and in reality, the Object of your heart and life.
“... have your mind on the things that are above, not on the things that are on the earth;" (Col. 3:2 JND).
Are You Sacrificing for Them or Spoiling Them?
v 23, 24 "For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you.”
Need we say that parenting is full of sacrifice? Love happily makes such sacrifices, but be sure that the sacrifices you make for your children are in order to meet their needs, not to satisfy their whims or lusts. Sacrificing to give children everything they desire will produce unsatisfied and self-willed souls.
The results are far more solemn then we may realize. In 1 Kings 1:6 we read concerning Adonijah, the brother of Absalom, that David "his father had not displeased him at any time in saying, Why hast thou done so?" David's indulging of his son's will was the eventual cause of Adonijah's death. (1 Kings 2:31). Be careful! Trying to give your children everything they want is no proof of your love, and will almost surely result in disasters and tragedy in their lives.
Unity, Courage, and Conflict
v 27-30 "Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel; And in nothing terrified by your adversaries: which is to them an evident token of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that of God. For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake; Having the same conflict which ye saw in me, and now hear to be in me.”
Paul couldn't always be with his spiritual children. But he earnestly desired that they would not change their manner or purpose of life (conversation) in his absence. Physical separation from parents is a gradual and normal part of a child's life. But moral separation of heart between parents and their children is not normal. In Proverbs we see the desire of the father's heart expressed in many touching ways: "My son, hear the instruction of thy father" (Pro. 1:8), "My son, forget not my law" (Pro. 3:1), "My son, keep my words" (Pro. 7:1), etc. May we say with the Apostle John—"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." (3 John 1, 4).
Having one spirit is a wonderful family goal—parents and children walking in fellowship with each other. "Two are better than one... if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow... and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." (Ecc. 4:9-12).
Parents also must help their children realize that living Godly in this world will bring persecution (2 Tim. 3:12). Children will be able to endure such conflict if they observe that their parents experience the same in their life of faith, and press on without being discouraged.