Finds a Friends
UPON finding myself alone in the forest, I reflected upon the comforts of home, and began to think that leaving it had been but the folly of my wicked heart, and cried bitterly to the God of my fathers to take away my life. The more I lamented and prayed, the more did darkness, fear, and misery enter my soul, till, overcome with weariness, I fell asleep.
Then, in my dreams, I saw my dearly loved mother seeking me, and in agitation awoke. Though it was still night, I could lie no longer under the tree, but started on my journey. After wandering about for some time, the day began to break, and this cheered me. In a few hours, I reached a village, and asked if any Jews lived there.
The people told me all the inhabitants were Christians, and most of them Roman Catholics. "I am a poor Jew boy," said I, "traveling to a far country. I have been robbed both of my money and spare clothes, and am perishing with hunger." Immediately the kind villagers offered me meat and bread, which I received with many thanks, but, while holding the food in my hand, reasoned thus with myself, "Shall I be justified in eating bread and meat given by Gentiles?" Then the Rabbi's instructions, together with my parents' words, came to my remembrance, and I begged the pardon of the villagers, and returned the gift, saying, "As I am a Jew, and believe in Jehovah, the God of Abraham, I dare not eat the food." This incensed the people, and the man, on whose threshold I stood, pushed me out of his house. What was I to do? I determined to destroy myself.
Ten miles off the village, lies the town of Wittemberg; I took the road to it. On the way I saw a large tree, and resolved to hang myself on it, and end my misery. With this thought in my heart, these solemn words flashed before me: "He that is hanged is accursed of God" (Deut. 21:2323His body shall not remain all night upon the tree, but thou shalt in any wise bury him that day; (for he that is hanged is accursed of God;) that thy land be not defiled, which the Lord thy God giveth thee for an inheritance. (Deuteronomy 21:23)), and filled me with terror. I cried to Jehovah to be gracious to me, and to save me from my distress and trouble; and He heard, for these words entered my soul: "I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee" (Josh. 1:55There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. (Joshua 1:5)), and again, "Behold, the Lord's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither His ear heavy, that it cannot hear." (Isa. 59:11Behold, the Lord's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear: (Isaiah 59:1).) Thus encouraged, I went on my way, with the assurance that God was listening to my prayers.
Approaching Wittemberg, my strength almost failed me, for I had eaten nothing since the previous day, and had been walking many miles. On inquiring where the Jews dwelt, I was directed to the Rabbi; he gave me food, and sent me to several Jews, who at once helped me.
Before leaving the town I explained my difficulties to the Rabbi, and besought him to bless me. He asked me several questions, and then put his hands upon my head and pronounced the blessing: "The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: the Lord make His face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: the Lord lift up His countenance upon thee, and give thee peace." (Num. 6:24-2624The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: 25The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: 26The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. (Numbers 6:24‑26).) Overjoyed at having obtained his blessing, I went on my journey.
In the evening I reached a small village, and applied for a night's lodging, but having no passport, my application was refused. It was raining in torrents, and during the night I walked about the fields. The town I wished to reach was about three days' journey off. After traveling for a long time I could still see no house, but only a cemetery. Here I lay down upon a grave, and took off my wet coat to let it dry in the sunshine, and imprudently hung it upon a tombstone. There were a few thalers in the pocket, which had been given me in Wittemberg. Being exhausted I soon fell into a heavy sleep, and dreamed again of my mother. She came to me as I slept upon the grass, and besought me thus: "My child, my child, come to me! see your nice soft bed at home!”
I awoke, and found, to my amazement, I had been sleeping for nearly a whole day, for it was night time. In vain I tried to find my coat, seeking for it in the dark, up and down the cemetery; then I lay down upon another tombstone, and so spent the remainder of the night. In the morning I resumed my search, but fruitlessly, and concluded that some passer-by had stolen it during my sleep the previous day.
I was much ashamed at going on without a coat, and the more so, as my clothes were dirty and ragged through the rough usage to which I had been subjected; however, I could but go forward, thinking step by step of my father's house and the comforts there.
After a time I came to a small town, where, as usual, I inquired for the Jews, and was directed to a certain house. The servant would not let me enter, for I was to all appearance a beggar, but the master saw me, and came to the door and bade me come in. Then I burst into tears, for, as I thought of my parents, it went hard to my heart to be regarded as a beggar. I asked the good man of the house if he would give me something to eat; and this he did, saying nothing, but looking very earnestly at me.
After some moments he left me, but soon to return accompanied by his wife, who also looked hard into my face. He then asked if my father's name was Lion Levinsohn.
“Yes," I answered; "and my mother's name is Brainah.”
Then they made many inquiries as to my family, and having heard the answers, the lady burst into tears, and brought her children to see me, and they too wept. "I know your father and mother well," said the gentleman, "for he saved my life in 1863, during the Polish revolution.”
They were natives of Poland, and had been persecuted and imprisoned in the revolution, but, at my father's instigation, had been released from prison in Kovno on bail, for he was well acquainted with the governor of the prison and the chief of the police. Having obtained their release, my father induced them to leave Russia, and when they were called for, he paid their bail.
“You shall have good clothes at once, and shall be as happy as my own son," said Mr. A., and I was clothed, and fed, and made at home.
This was on the eve of the Sabbath, and, dressed in good clothes, I went with the whole family to worship in the synagogue. After the service we returned to an ample supper, and I was asked to offer the prayer and praise, according to the Jewish prayer book.
In this gentleman's house I stayed a few days, and thence wrote to my parents, telling them of all that had befallen me.
My father, addressing me as his "dear and soul-beloved child Isaac," replied as follows:—" We received your letter on the eve of the Sabbath. I assure you we did not enjoy any rest on that Day of Rest. As we came from the synagogue, instead of sitting down at the table, and celebrating the Sabbath, we all sat down and read your letter, and wept very bitterly. Your beloved mother fainted several times, as we were speaking about our precious child. My son, since you left us, all things seem to be against us. In fact, in whatever your mother and I attempt to do we fail, for our hearts are overwhelmed with trouble to think that you should suffer so much from poverty and hunger, whilst we have good houses and our servants never want anything, for which we thank the Holy One—blessed be His Name.
“My darling child, I shall be happy indeed if you would think of me, your father, and your mother, sisters, and brothers, and come back home. Then you will make us happy, and you will be happy too. You know how I longed to have you remain in Russia, and be perfectly trained and educated to become a Rabbi, and yet my hopes have gone. Your sister, Meitta Esther, asks me to beg of you to return, and also your little brother continually cries and asks when his good and sweet brother Isaac will come home. Indeed, my child, when they all cry bitterly for your return, I cry with them.”
What was I to do? I thought of the trouble through which I should have to pass in order to reach England, yet I felt that I must go on, till the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob would visit me; so I told my parents I felt I must travel much further, until I could find the satisfaction my soul longed for. I was sure that the Jewish was the only true religion that could save a soul, but I also felt certain that the great God was too holy to look upon so great a sinner as I, adding, I was determined, even if I traveled through the whole world, to seek satisfaction for my soul.
Mr. A., at whose house I found so kind a home, entreated me to remain with him, but I resolved to recommence my travels. Then he begged me to accompany him to the Rabbi of the town, in order that he might bless me, and we visited him.
The Rabbi asked me what had induced me to leave my native land, and requested me to stay with him, hoping that I should find the satisfaction of heart I sought. I told him of my fear of death, hell, and judgment, and said if he could do anything to drive it away I should be happy indeed-happier than the greatest king on the throne-and then asked him the same question I had put to my parents, and the Rabbi in Russia, "What must I do to be saved?”
"You must obey the holy law given us by God, through His servant, our lord Moses," he answered; "and, if you observe all the precepts of the law, it will save you.”
"Dear Rabbi, all this I have done with all my heart and power, but the more I do, the more fears and terrors of death I have! Something tells me in my heart that all that will never justify me before God.”
Finding he could not persuade me, the Rabbi told Mr. A. he thought that hard study in Russia had injured my brain, and that I was going mad.
Overhearing the remark, I replied, "Very likely it may be so; nevertheless, I must travel all over the world until I find a cure for my soul.”
The Rabbi then placed his hands upon my head, and pronounced a blessing, but so softly was it spoken that I could not hear a word.
I had no thought whatever, at that time of distress, that there is a good Physician—One who can heal the leprous soul! The name of Jesus Christ was an abomination to me. Little did I know then how He gives satisfaction to the soul, and delivers them, who through fear of death, are all their lifetime subject to bondage.
Upon leaving his house, my kind friend, Mr. A., presented me with a purse full of thalers, and plenty of good clothes, and told me to write to him if I wanted help or money, adding that nothing would be too hard for him to do for me out of regard for the great kindness of my father to him in years gone by; and, with his generous help and promises, I bade farewell to him and his household, and started on my journey towards Hamburg.