Efforts in Hamburg to earn money to get to England
MY object being to reach England, now that I had respectable clothes, I engaged myself to work in order to save up some money for the journey. First I became servant to the manager of the hotel, but the visitors gave me nothing, and as my lodgings only, and no food was given me for my service, it was hard indeed to live. Then I went to the railway station, and begged permission of the station-master to be allowed to carry luggage for the passengers. The first passenger who engaged me gave me two very heavy parcels, which I carried for about two miles. He then asked me into a public-house, and offered me some beer, which, as it was made by Christians, I refused. He then took up the parcels and bade me be off, and, when I demanded my few pence, declared he had already paid me. Of course, I would not go away. Finally, he called a policeman, and gave me in charge.
I was taken to the police station, and, after a few hours, was brought up before the judge, and was carefully examined. The prosecutor appeared, and was asked several questions, when the judge expressed his opinion that I was innocent, and inquired if anyone in Hamburg would testify to my character. I referred him to the manager of the hotel, and a policeman was at once sent for him. The manager came forward, and declared I was an honest and respectable youth, that frequently he had tried me by placing money in different parts of the house where I passed, and that I had always brought him both money and articles of value which were lying about.
Having heard this witness, the judge found me innocent, and sentenced my accuser to four months hard labor, for false accusation. This made me feel that God had not forsaken me, even though the Gentiles might be cruel to me, and I went forth thanking Him for revealing the truth of the matter to the judge.
This experience at the railway station led me to seek other employment, but for some days I could find nothing to do, and again began to suffer from hunger; for I could not procure food at the hotel, having money sufficient only to pay for lodgings.
One day I cannot forget. I was walking the streets and crying to God for help, when at my feet I saw a parcel of papers. These were evidently of importance to their owner, whose address was upon them. On restoring them I was rewarded, and thus was enabled again to obtain a meal, for which I thanked God.
Shortly after this a gentleman in the synagogue, where I had gone to pray, asked whether I was a pious Jew, to which I replied, I tried to be so, and earnestly wished to be more and more pious. The gentleman then said if I was willing to work he would employ me, and gave me his address.
I remained in the synagogue to pray and to thank God for His loving-kindness in turning the heart of this gentleman towards me in a strange land. He engaged me as a porter, and I remained some little time in that service, but as I could not save sufficient money out of my wages to obtain a passage to England, I engaged myself to a Jew, and became his servant, selling milk from house to house.
My occupation of milk-boy did not free me from misfortune, for one day a mischievous lad threw a rat into the milk-can and ran away. This disgusted me exceedingly, and knowing that, according to the law of Moses, the milk was polluted, I poured the contents of the can into the street, went to my master, and reported the unfortunate event. To my surprise he was exceedingly angry with me; told me that 1 should have pulled the rat out of the milk instead of pouring the milk out of the can, and, having done so, should have gone on selling the milk!
"This," said I, "the Jewish law forbids, so I could not do it.”
But, Jew though he was, he declared I must pay for the milk, or else be discharged without any wages.
I returned to the synagogue to pray, and cried to the Lord for help, but none came.
Again I had to wander about Hamburg seeking work. My soul was filled with sorrow, and the more time I devoted to prayer in the synagogue the more did misery fill my soul. I thought of my beloved parents and the happiness of home, and knew not what to do.
Returning to my lodgings I took out my Hebrew Bible and read these words, "Now the Lord had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will show thee" (Gen. 12:11Now the Lord had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will show thee: (Genesis 12:1)) and consoled myself with the history of Abram, for he had had his trials till he reached the land of Canaan. And I prayed God to help me to obey His voice, and to enable me to go where He wished.
But such were dry sorrows that I could not realize I had obeyed God's voice in leaving home, and in suffering through my wanderings, yet nothing could induce me to return to Russia—I would rather have died than return there. On, on, I felt I must go, until I had found the true satisfaction, which I knew not where to find. Whilst thinking of my unhappy condition I adopted the language of Jeremiah, feeling his words were the exact experience of my own soul—"Behold, and see if there be any sorrow like unto my sorrow, which is done unto me, wherewith the Lord hath afflicted me in the day of His fierce anger." (Lam. 1:1212Is it nothing to you, all ye that pass by? behold, and see if there be any sorrow like unto my sorrow, which is done unto me, wherewith the Lord hath afflicted me in the day of his fierce anger. (Lamentations 1:12).) My position in Hamburg was worse than it had been in the woods and fields, for there I had the hope of reaching Hamburg to encourage me to go forward, but, being in the city, I had no hope left.
I said, "The Lord of Israel has turned from me, and I must perish." I was weary of praying, and thought prayer was in vain, yet I was compelled to continue to observe the Jewish ritual and its ordinances; but I looked upon God as a stern executor of justice, rather than as being most merciful and gracious.
While in this miserable state of mind and circumstances, a lady, who was well acquainted with my family at home, met me, and she at once begged me to return with her to Russia. She offered to pay all my traveling expenses, and showed me the utmost kindness. But I was firm, and said I would travel over all the world sooner than return. Then with all her power she began to persuade me, but I said I would rather die, miserable as I was, than cease seeking after that for which my soul longed.
Leaving the lady, I went to the synagogue, and there found a gentleman, who gave me temporary employment. I was then sixteen years of age. My employment only lasted a short time, and again my trials began, and I felt like the prophet at the brook Cherith, for I was far removed from all who knew me-neither father nor mother, brothers nor sisters-alone, and, though in the busy city, in solitude. And now once more my source of obtaining a livelihood was gone, my Cherith was dried up. Finding me in a very low state, my employer most kindly said he would retain me in his house as a servant, and I kissed his hand and wept for joy. I thought within myself, "When the brook Cherith dries up God prepares a Zarephath.”
I began now to think what could be done in order that I should reach England, and wrote to my father, informing him I was comfortably situated in the house of a good, and pious, and rich Jew, but that I desired to visit England, and hoped he would send me means for the passage. My father replied thus:—
“I am glad you have found favor in the sight of a good man. My beloved child Isaac, I would again entreat you to think of me, your father, who has always manifested toward you a very affectionate and fatherly love. Not every Jewish father in Kovno gives his son such privileges as I gave you. You have been taught the Hebrew, German, and Russian languages, and I never felt that there was anything too hard for me to do for my dear child Isaac; and I still possess the same love to you and always shall do so, as long as you continue in the way you have been brought up. Even the last drop of blood in my heart is not too precious to me but I could shed it at any time for my beloved child Isaac.
"And now, my son, since you are away, our efforts and perseverance seem to be all in vain. Once more let me say, we can have no rest until you return home. Whenever I look around and see the lads of your own age happy in their homes, my heart aches and my soul is cast down, for I know not why it should be that my son, to whom I have looked as the joy of my old age, and my comfort in the valley of death, should be torn from me in such an extraordinary manner. No man can understand why this has occurred; but I suppose the Lord has dealt with me justly, and I hope it will be an atonement for sin, for I cannot help feeling that the Lord has punished me for my sins.
“Believe me, my dear Isaac, this paper is wet with the tears I shed whilst writing to you; mine eyes are almost sightless, and I can hardly write. My heart is overwhelmed with bitter sorrow that you should be far away from us; and God only knows if we shall ever see you again alive. Dear Isaac, have mercy on me, your beloved father, and have mercy on her, your tenderhearted mother, and grant our request, and return home. Then our souls shall rejoice and be glad all our days, and you will be happy too; but should I not be able to persuade you to come home, I would earnestly ask you to stay in Hamburg, if you possibly can, for I cannot bear the idea of my child being away even farther from us than Germany.
“I send you a note, and if you take it to the bank, you will get so rubles, and thus you will be able to pay your expenses to return to Russia.
"All our friends wish to be very kindly remembered to you. They hope soon to see you again, and now, I wish you a very happy New Year. I hope you will find a good synagogue, where you will be able to worship on Roth Hoshanah, the New Year, and also on Yom Kippur—the Great Day of Atonement. May our prayers be answered on your behalf. Your Rabbi sends his kind love to you.”
I knew not what to do upon the receipt of this letter, yet return to Russia I COULD NOT.
I remained in Germany over the Feast of the New Year, and, when in the synagogue, poured out my heart to God, imploring Him to guide me and to lead me in His truth, although it was quite unusual for me to pray any prayers save those in the Jewish prayer book.
The Feast of Rosh Hoshanah, or the first two days of the Feast of the New Year, had now passed by since I had left my beloved parents and my home, and misfortunes and trials had been my lot day by day, yet, as the following letter to my father will show, I was constrained still to pursue my journey in the search for satisfaction for my soul:—
"Since receiving your letter, I have spent a great deal of time in considering whether I could return home, but am very sorry to inform you, dear father, that I feel that nothing in the world can draw me back to Russia. Ever since I left home I felt, and still feel, that there is something for me somewhere which will make me happy—though of course this may only be my fancy—but yet such feelings being mine, I am constrained to go forward, though it were all over the world.
“I intend to sail for England this week, and will try and stay in England for a little while, and then may go to America, Australia, Asia, and Africa, and then I shall find out new places whither to go. I am deeply sorry that I cannot return, and hope you will pardon me.
“Please do not write until you hear from me from England. I hope to be in London next week, and to spend the great Day of Atonement there amongst our brethren, the Jews, and sincerely do I trust that the Lord will be merciful unto me and to you.
“I hope to be in your mind on that Great Day, so that the Lord may hear your prayers on my behalf, if my prayers should not be acceptable.
“I must also inform you that the fear I had when at home, about my sinful state before God, and also the fear of death are the same. Were I the richest person in the world, I would gladly sacrifice all I had, in order to realize that the God of our fathers Abraham, Isaac, and of Jacob, is my God, and that I am His pardoned servant. But I am afraid there is no hope for me, unless something very extraordinary should happen, which I do not think will ever take place. However, as long as I have my strength I will not rest.
" I hope when I reach England, to persevere, and shall make it my special business to visit the foreign Rabbis, and ask them to teach me the holy law, not so much the Gemarah as the Torôh, Nobüm, and Cethabim (that is, the law, the prophets, and the holy writings). Now will you, and my dear old Rabbi, and my beloved mother, very earnestly pray that the God of Israel, may enlighten my mind, so that I may learn much about His wonders unto our nation? Oh, dear father, if I only had satisfaction in my soul I would go all over the world and tell the Gentiles of the great God JEHOVAH, who is the only true and Almighty God! I must close this letter, and hope soon to write to you again.
"Accept my deepest affection to yourself, and mother, and all.”