Chap. 3:18-21—Paul addresses the family circle first. The relationships of husbands and wives, and parents and children have not come into existence through the introduction of Christianity—these relationships go back to man’s beginning. But what Christianity has brought to family life is the Lordship of Christ as being the new motivating factor for all right behaviour in these relationships. This is indicated in this next passage by the frequent use of the term—“the Lord.” It lifts the whole matter to a higher plane than what was known in Old Testament times.
It is appropriate that Paul would address the family unit first, for it is a prime target of the enemy. The disintegration of family life is one of the things that marks “the last days” in the Christian testimony (2 Tim. 3:1-21This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. 2For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, (2 Timothy 3:1‑2)). But it need not be so. If we follow the basic principles that Paul touches on in these verses concerning love, submission, and the Lordship of Christ, we will be able to meet and defeat every design of the enemy against the family. He shows that there are certain obligations and responsibilities in domestic life, and when those things are applied, the Christian home will run according to God’s order and will have His blessing and protection from the inroads of the enemy.
Wives
(vs. 18)
The Christian wife is to “submit” to her husband, not because her husband insists on it, but because it is “fitting in the Lord.” It expresses the place in which the Church has been set in relation to Christ (Eph. 5:22-2422Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. (Ephesians 5:22‑24)). A motive for her submission may well be her love for her husband—and this, of course, is good. But as a Christian woman under the Lordship of Christ, she has a higher motive for her submission—she submits because it is what the Lord would have her to do. Since every Christian wife under normal conditions wants to please the Lord, she should be happy to do it, for it is the will of God.
Note: Paul does not say that the wife is to obey her husband, as the children and servants are told to do. This is because she doesn’t have the same relationship with the head of the household as they do. If obedience is demanded of the wife, it would make the relationship in a Christian marriage a legal thing. Submission is different than obedience. It is something that comes from the heart, whereas in obedience a person’s heart could be far from the act of obeying. Moreover, if trouble enters the marriage relationship, submission can heal a lot of the difficulties that arise. J. N. Darby said, “Submission is the healing principle of humanity.”
Occupying a place of submission in the marriage relationship implies that she is not to take on the role of leadership or to usurp her husband’s authority in the home.
Husbands
(vs. 19)
The Christian husband is to “love” his wife. He is to not only initiate love in the relationship, but he is also the one who is to maintain it. When a Christian woman knows that she is loved by her husband, it will go a long way in helping her to submit to him. If a husband is “bitter against” his wife, as Paul warns against here, it will only make the marriage more difficult.
Children
(vs. 20)
The children are to understand that when they “obey” their parents, they are doing something that is “well-pleasing unto the Lord.” Obeying “in all things” means even in things they may not like to do. Again, if the children know and are assured that they are loved by their parents, it will help greatly in their willingness to obey. It is well to note that the word “parents” is in plural. This checks the tendency of children obeying one parent and not the other—perhaps their father, but not so much their mother. Parents being plural also suggests that they are one in their desires for the children and that they are pulling in the same direction.
Fathers
(vs. 21)
The fathers are not to make unreasonable demands on their children whereby they “vex” them and they become “disheartened.” This is said to the fathers but not mothers, because fathers have a greater tendency to do this very thing.