Fathers have a natural desire to love and to see their children protected, grow, learn and succeed. Christian fathers should also have a desire to see their children have faith in the Lord as their Savior and then grow in that faith throughout their lifetime. What is the first essential step for fathers, if they are to play the role God intended in the nurture and protection of their children? Psalm 84:3 says, “The sparrow hath found an house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, even Thine altars, O Lord of hosts.” The psalmist recognized his own weakness and that his role in true safety for his children was found, first of all, in his staying close to the Lord. We might have all the desire in the world to be a “good dad,” but without personal communion with the Lord ourselves, all natural efforts will fall short. If the Lord is not given His rightful place in the father’s life, eventually the selfish desires of the flesh will conflict with God’s plan for the father’s role.
Entertainment
In today’s culture, Satan has developed an effective tactic of introducing different forms of selfish entertainment or occupation into the lives of young men in their preteen and teenage years. Perhaps in themselves there is nothing overtly sinful in these pursuits, but they often develop a powerful hold on young men. Paul said, “All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any” (1 Cor. 6:12). Sadly, many young men are brought under the power of these forms of entertainment or pursuits, and that power and influence is still there when they eventually marry and have children. Children are very observant, even from a young age, and they will notice when some entertainment or occupation has a hold on their father that gets in the way of his relationship with God, their mother and the children. Colossians 3:21 Says, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” If fathers rightly instruct their children not to be selfish, but the children can at the same time discern selfish behavior in their father, this is a form of provoking the child to anger. There is a real danger that children can be discouraged in their faith as a result of observing an inconsistent example. This problem is not unique to young men and young fathers. Isaac was older when he fell into selfish behavior. He valued his older son’s venison and allowed that to cause favoritism in the family. The consequences of this selfish behavior were significant, causing Jacob to leave the family for many years. Even when Jacob left Laban’s house and returned to Canaan, it took him years before he finally returned to Hebron to see his father. Isaac’s selfish behavior had a significant impact on his son. If a father recognizes that such behavior characterizes him, the first step is to acknowledge the tendency for what it is — the sin of idolatry. Then, fathers should follow the Biblical instruction to flee from idolatry and to consecrate Jesus as Lord of their lives.
Priorities
When fathers prioritize a personal relationship with the Lord and deal with idols that gain a hold in their lives, they may count on God to give wisdom and grace to fulfill His desire for them regarding their children — to feed and to protect. In Acts 20, Paul’s primary instruction to the elders of Ephesus was to “feed the flock” and to “watch” (protect). As Scripture presents the role of a father as a requisite preparation to be an elder in the assembly, it can be helpful to consider the father’s role regarding these two important responsibilities.
The foundation of feeding might be a family Bible reading or a time of prayer at bedtime, things for which a father should take responsibility. A father should also seek to discern specific attitudes, difficulties or opportunities in his children’s lives for which specific spiritual feeding might be needed. This requires dependence on the Lord, purpose and commitment.
Protection
Protection takes several forms. The responsibility for physical protection is perhaps straightforward. Spiritual protection would involve the father’s taking responsibility for what comes into the home in the form of such things as media and education. Often, there is a tendency for fathers to be lazy in this regard and leave these decisions to the mother, even if the mother desires the father’s input. Spiritual protection might also include a father’s prayerfully considering the specific challenges and situations his children face, and seeking wisdom from the Lord as to how to instruct them in these situations. Protection for the soul might involve making time for the children and ensuring that they know they are loved and valued by their father.
Role Model
God has set up the role of the father in the family as a way of teaching children about God as their Father. How do children understand, at a young age, the concept that they hear of God as their Father? Their concept of God as Father is inherently linked with what they understand it to mean to be their father’s child. This is an awesome responsibility for fathers, and it must be approached in dependence on the Lord for grace and wisdom.
W. C. Hayhoe