Parenting is such a wonderful privilege. “Children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is His reward” (Psa. 127:3). Along with every privilege comes responsibility, which includes caring for your children physically, teaching them about the Lord, developing their strengths, and recognizing and working on their weaknesses. Another very important part of raising children is “training up a child in the way he should go” and “bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Thankfully, the Word of God gives us beneficial instruction on how to carry out correction so that our children can learn the way of obedience and happiness.
Before we seek to receive something from God’s Word, it is necessary to establish that God’s Word is our final authority. This means we must take God at His Word to reap the blessing He intends. The new Christians at Thessalonica were commended by Paul who said, “When ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe” (1 Thess. 2:13). The key was that they accepted what God said (delivered by the Holy Spirit through Paul) as the Word of God rather than the word of men. Today, we also receive perfect instruction by accepting as true what God has said. This applies to all situations and responsibilities of our lives, including the discipline of children. From this foundation let us consider what God has for parents in correcting and instructing their children.
Obedience and Submission
The Word of God provides perfect wisdom for every situation and experience of life, and thankfully the Lord gives guidance, encouragement and instruction so that parents can know God’s thoughts on instructing, nurturing and disciplining their children. The Bible also teaches us that obedience and submission are the path of happiness for all of us, whereas willfulness and doing whatever is right in our own eyes brings sorrow. This is true of adults and all ages of children. The challenge and blessing of being a parent is that you have the responsibility both to nurture and admonish your child, to help them come to the point of repentance toward God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.
The Sin Nature
Psalm 51:5 says, “Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.” This verse was written by David when he was openly confessing sin in his life. David’s prayer revealed that he had been brought to see what was true, that he possessed a sin nature and there was nothing good within himself. In his brokenness, God uses him to state what is true of every child born into this world; namely, that they have a sin nature inherited from their parents. Why is it important for us to recognize this condition? The reason is this: If we acknowledge what God has said is true — that our children from their first breath have a sin nature—then we quickly ask, How can I help them acknowledge their sin and call upon the Lord for salvation? Once we realize their condition and search God’s Word, we find that the “rod of correction” is one of the ways God has given to help us discipline our children. Our goal is to help our children learn what God has determined is right and wrong, so that early in life our child cries out in repentance, as David did when his sin was set before him.
Instruction
Proverbs 12:1 Says, “Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof is brutish [stupid].” Here we learn that instruction (which includes being told both what is right and what is wrong) is the key to gaining knowledge. Correction is necessary and beneficial, and love is not suspended during discipline.
Correction
Proverbs 13:24 tells us, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” From this verse God clearly states that one proof of parents’ love for their child is shown by their willingness to discipline their child at the right time. Here we learn the motive for correction; the motive is love. Based on this verse we learn that love in action is demonstrated by proper discipline. Or stated another way: A proof of parents’ love is their willingness to take up with proper discipline. This is helpful and reassuring to grasp, as sometimes we hear, “I could never spank my children as I love them too much.” Taking this verse in all its simplicity and truth, we come to realize that the thought of withholding necessary correction on the grounds of “love” does not align with the teaching of God’s Word.
Proverbs 23:13-14 says, “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.” All parents want to do whatever they can to deliver their child from natural harms. We would consider it quite strange if parents ignored obvious dangers and did not instruct their children and hold them back from harm. Surely, we can agree that hell is the greatest danger our children face! Therefore, a parent should respond and seek to find deliverance. Thanks be to God, we have clear instruction to help bring deliverance; namely, the “rod of correction.” Should we not bow and humbly accept the plain instruction of God’s Word? In whatever measure we submit to God and His Word, we will be blessed.
Love and Chastening
“Whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom He receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the Father chasteneth not? Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but He for our profit, that we might be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby” (Heb. 12:6-7,9-11). We learn from this passage that correction should be expected as part of our Christian experience throughout life to bring us closer to God. Therefore, correction is beneficial and results in happiness (when received properly). Receiving this passage in all its simplicity and truth brings peace, for we begin to realize that God is molding us throughout life, and the more we accept correction, the more we have peace. God is doing it for our good. As parents we should see correcting our children as doing it for their good.
Peace and Happiness
We learn then from God’s Word that there is a path of peace and happiness when we accept correction as from the hand of the Lord. As parents we have a God-given responsibility to carry out correction. Here I want to add a practical comment that we learned over time—that is, that children learn from a very young age. They also express their own will at a very young age. For the ultimate blessing of your children, once you observe the expression of their own wills (arching their back, turning their head), the time has come to begin teaching them using proper and prayerful correction.
In closing, let us rest in the assurance that God’s way is best, and obedience brings blessing. Luke 5:1-11 gives a good example of blessing coming from obedience. Peter simply obeys the Lord’s request two times. First the Lord asked Peter to put his boat out so he could preach from the boat, and later the Lord asks Peter to “launch out into the deep.” Peter’s obedience to the Lord’s simple request brought such blessing! Obedience always benefits others as well as the obedient individual. Peter’s obedience benefited the Lord as he was able to preach from the boat without being pressed by the crowd, and it benefitted his friends as they caught so many fish the boat began to sink! When parents are obedient to the Lord, their whole family reaps the reward. Likewise, children learning to be obedient has a positive effect on the parents.
W. R. Hayhoe