When God created man, He said, “Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth (Gen. 1:26). God clearly had in His counsels the creation of both man and woman, although the details are not given until the next chapter. When we read of those divine counsels, we find that the Lord God said that it was not good that the man should be alone; thus He would create him a “helpmate, his like [or counterpart]” (Gen. 2:18 JND).
It is significant that God took a rib out of Adam’s side, from which He made Eve. First of all, Adam’s bride was part of him — “bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.” How could he help but love her? Second, it was a rib that was used, no doubt indicating that the woman was to be at his side, near his heart, and under his protection. Finally, she was a type of the church — that which Christ loved and for which He died. For this reason husbands are exhorted to “love their wives as their own bodies” (Eph. 5:28).
The fact that Scripture uses the term “helpmate” or “helpmeet” to describe the woman shows us how she was meant to function in her relationship with the man. She was to complement him — to fill in areas where he was deficient, to “round him out,” and to make him complete. God in His wisdom has created the woman and fitted her for this role.
Today’s Changing Society
For some years in the world of today, at least in the West, man’s wisdom has tried to change all this. Women are told that not only can they do anything a man can do, but that they should do it, for their own fulfillment and the supposed good of society. They are told that they no longer need to regard the home as their primary place of service, but rather that they should seek to function in the world in every way that a man functions. The watchword has been, “You can have it all,” meaning that a woman should be able to have a successful career outside of her home, yet still be able to have a fulfilling marriage, raise children, and have a happy home life. Many have tried to do this, but as we might well expect, the results have not been good. Marriages, children and home life have suffered in consequence. Children have been left at daycare centers instead of being cared for, disciplined and given moral teaching by a loving mother, while husbands often flounder, trying to fill the nurturing role for which God has fitted women. Divorce rates have skyrocketed, and crime rates for teenagers (and even younger children!) have increased dramatically.
Recently Anne-Marie Slaughter, formerly a high official in the U.S. State Department, wrote an article in an issue of the Atlantic Magazine entitled, “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All.” Here is a short excerpt from that article:
“Eighteen months into my job as the first woman director of policy planning at the State Department, a foreign-policy job that traces its origins back to George Kennan, I found myself in New York, at the United Nations’ annual assemblage of every foreign minister and head of state in the world. On a Wednesday evening, President and Mrs. Obama hosted a glamorous reception at the American Museum of Natural History. I sipped champagne, greeted foreign dignitaries, and mingled. But I could not stop thinking about my 14-year-old son, who had started eighth grade three weeks earlier and was already resuming what had become his pattern of skipping homework, disrupting classes, failing math, and tuning out any adult who tried to reach him. ... I was increasingly aware that the feminist beliefs on which I had built my entire career were shifting under my feet.”
While the remainder of the article makes it clear that the author does not in any way embrace a Biblical view of men and women, yet it is evident from her comments that even the world is beginning to realize that a departure from the wisdom of God results in bad consequences.
A Helpmate
What then does it mean to be a “helpmate”? First of all, Scripture is clear that a woman’s primary place of influence and service is within the framework of the home. Paul could exhort the older women to “be in behavior as becometh holiness,” so that they in turn might teach the young women to be “discreet, chaste, keepers at home” (Titus 2:3-5). Paul could say to Timothy, “I will therefore that the younger [women] marry, bear children, rule the house, give no occasion to the adversary in respect of reproach” (1 Tim. 5:14 JND). All through the Word of God this pattern is given to us by example. As another has said, God gave the woman a mind and intelligence equal to that of a man, because He wanted some of the best brains in the home.
This means that a woman may fully develop her mind and use her God-given intelligence to full advantage in the home environment. She may wish to get a good education, and Scripture does not raise any barrier to this, if done with the mind of the Lord. When we read of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31, we find her directing her home in a very able manner. She saw to all the needs of her household, even bringing “her food from afar.” She also exercised her business ability, for it says that “she considereth a field, and buyeth it” (vs. 16). She was able to make money, for she sold some of what was made in her house — “she maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant” (vs. 24). But she also “stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy” (vs. 20). As a result, “the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her” (vs. 11), and “her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land” (vs. 23). It is her husband who occupies the public place of judgment in the gates, while she, in running the home effectively, complements him and allows him to function well in his position. All is in perfect harmony.
Examples of Helpmates
We find many examples of “helpmates” in Scripture. Jochebed, the mother of Moses, faithfully instructed Moses in his tender years and also took him “away” from all that might spoil her training and teaching. When she was compelled to give him up to Pharaoh’s daughter, the Lord honored her faith. Likewise Hannah carefully brought up Samuel for the Lord, yet in faith “lent him to the Lord” while he was still very young. Again, the Lord honored her faith, in spite of the evil that was present in the priesthood at that time. While the term is used primarily in connection with Eve’s relationship with her husband Adam, yet surely the privilege of helping is not restricted to a woman’s husband. Mary and Martha were noted for their hospitality, and it is evident that our Lord Himself found their home a haven from all that occupied Him in His Father’s business. In this way, they were fellow helpers even to the Lord Himself. Phebe was described by Paul as “a succorer of many, and of myself also” (Rom. 16:2). In the course of her service, she was a help even to Paul. A woman is often equipped to sense needs among others and to offer to help in situations where men might not be as sensitive. If I may speak of myself, my wife is my primary helpmate, but there have been many times when other godly sisters have been practical helpers along the way. They often fill the role of being “given to hospitality,” as were Mary and Martha.
Sisters, do not abrogate your position as a helpmate. First of all, it is a dishonor and an affront to the Lord Himself, who has given you that position and fitted you for it. Second, it does not work and only brings trouble and difficulty into whatever relationships may be involved, including the other career. Third, while it may seem to give you some temporary gratification, it will ultimately make you unhappy, as it did Anne-Marie Slaughter. Godly women in their proper place will find that they are “daughters as corner-columns, sculptured after the fashion of a palace” (Psa. 144:12 JND). Morally, spiritually and physically, they will function as God wishes them to and will command love and respect accordingly.
W. J. Prost