Marriage: November 2014
Table of Contents
Marriage
“As it was in the days of Noe, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of Man. They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and the flood came, and destroyed them all. Likewise also as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they builded; but the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all. Even thus shall it be in the day when the Son of Man is revealed” (Luke 17:26-30). In Noah’s day they married; in Lot’s day they did not. Our day is becoming more like Lot’s than Noah’s — a dreadful state for a world that has had the light and love of Christianity shine upon it. Any day now “Lot” will leave Sodom, and it will rain fire and brimstone. May we each value more than ever the institution of marriage and encourage its continuance. It is the first institution God began for man’s good, and God has determined that it, by the marriage of the Lamb, will remain an institution forever.
Understanding, Love and Respect
The Secret of a Happy Marriage
“Two are better than one ... and a threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Eccl. 4:9,12). Here we find the secret of a happy marriage. God is the One who provided a companion, a wife, for Adam, not to be above or below him, but from his side, near to his heart — one who could share his thoughts and whom he could love and honor. Then, when husband and wife let God order their lives, they will have the threefold cord.
God did not intend that men and women should be in competition. He intended that they should help one another, each in a God-given place. He placed the man in a position of helpful leadership to care for his wife, his loving helpmeet. A man who has a happy and useful life will gladly acknowledge that much of the credit is due to his helpful wife.
What is spoiling the world today is the idea of competition. Many women are out to show what they can do in the sphere that God planned for the men to occupy. Now we can be sure that God would not make a helpmeet for Adam who was inferior to him, but if she were going to compete with him in the headship assigned to him, then she would not be a helpmeet for him.
In our present society, where God’s plan has been given up to a large extent, everything is being spoiled. Often a woman, because she is intellectually equal to a man, can fill a man’s place, though not fitted by God for leadership (Isa. 3:12). The home then does not function as it should, because the man cannot fill the place of a woman and mother in the home. We readily acknowledge that a woman is as clever as a man (more clever in her God-given sphere) because God wanted a qualified and loving person in the home. And He has provided women who are able to adorn that place with prudence and dignity — a wonderful place, a God-given place, and so important.
Heavenly Wisdom
Of course, we do not expect the world to be run on Christian principles. But we do trust that we who are Christians will follow the light of God’s Word, because in it He has given us “all things that pertain unto life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3). If we follow God’s Word, we will find the happy path (Prov. 3:17). He has a plan so that husband and wife should be “heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7), even in a world that has been spoiled by sin.
Selfishness
I believe the greatest trouble in marriage today is selfishness. If in marriage I am only thinking of what I can get for myself, I will be disappointed, because things may not always work out as I had hoped they would. But I can try to make my partner happy, and in making my partner happy we are going to have happiness together. Am I giving? That is what brings happiness. The Lord Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). If I could just think of this, “Can I do something to make my partner happy? Can we walk together giving the Lord His rightful place?” This is God’s plan — and it works!
Understanding, Love and Honor
A happy marriage is founded on three very important and practical things. The three things I have in mind are: understanding, love and giving honor to your partner. These things are basic. We need to understand one another; there needs to be a deep love for one another, and there needs to be a respect and honor to and for one another. Throughout marriage these things have to be worked at. They do not continue without effort. They need to be maintained.
Understanding
One of the things people crave most is understanding. They say, “I don’t know anyone to whom I can talk who really understands my inmost feelings, who understands my situation in life, my physical and emotional makeup. If I could only find someone to whom I could talk who would understand.” The Lord understands us perfectly.
And so in marriage, to understand one another is so very important. We need to have a free flow of communication so that this understanding of one another is maintained. We need to understand one another’s feelings, emotions and physical limitations, so that we can consider them. The Lord does this most perfectly with us, even in the smallest details of our lives, as we learn from Psalm 139 — and He is our Pattern.
You know the feeling that comes when you can sit down and talk to someone and have the assurance that they understand and that they care. This should always be so between husband and wife. It is not always easy, but we need to cultivate it. It is in perfection with the Lord, and that is why we are so happy in His presence, for, knowing all about us, He loves us with an unchanging love. May we cultivate more of this understanding and love in marriage!
Loving Our Partner
Now I would like to turn to some verses about the divine example of unchanging love! “The Lord appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn thee” (Jer. 31:3). “Having loved His own which were in the world, He loved them unto the end” (John 13:1). “Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it” (Eph. 5:25).
The verse in Jeremiah was spoken when Israel had sinned so grievously that God had to raise up Jeremiah to tell them that they were going to be carried into captivity because of their rebellion and sin. It was not spoken when they were going on well, although, I am sure it was true then; yet the Lord assures them of His eternal love in a time of failure. What an example for us to maintain first love at all times in marriage!
The verse in John 13 was at a sad time with the disciples too, for it was on that very night when they all forsook Him and fled. He knew they would do this, but it did not change His love.
Lastly, in Ephesians 5, we read of His love for His church — and He well knew how feeble would be our response to His boundless love. So in marriage, love often needs to be expressed, and at times when it is least deserved. That is what true love will do. It does not change by situations that arise, because true love “endureth all things” (1 Cor. 13:7). As the head, it is first the husband’s responsibility to maintain love in the marriage, just as the Lord does with us. It is not only on the wedding day that we say we love one another, or in the first year of marriage — it is something that needs to be said over and over again all through married life. We need those constant reassurances of love.
Honoring Our Partner
Now we come to the third thing — honor to our partner. In the divine example it is a marvelous thing that we read in Ephesians 1:22-23 that the church is “the fullness of Him that filleth all in all.” And again, in 2 Thessalonians 1:10 we read that “He will be glorified in His saints, and admired in all them that believe.” What a place of honor the church will occupy in association with Christ, the Bridegroom, in that day. Did we deserve it? No! It is all of grace. Surely, we ought to be rejoicing and giving honor to Him in return for all He has done for us, and for all that He means to us day by day. In all eternity we will be giving glory and honor to the Lord Jesus, the heavenly Bridegroom.
Practical Application
for Husbands and Wives
Now this has a practical application in marriage. The Bible says that the wife is to reverence her husband (Eph. 5:33), for God has said that the husband is the head, as Christ is the Head of the spiritual body, the church (Eph. 5:23). Of course, it is important that we who are husbands should act in such a way as to win the respect of our wives. There are those thoughtful gestures that mean so much and help our wives to respect us. The wife should respect her husband because the Bible tells her to do so, but our thoughtful consideration of her needs and feelings will make it easier for her to do so.
The church, as we know, is the bride of Christ. Though in a somewhat different connection, it is instructive to read in Romans 12:10 (JND): “As to honor, each taking the lead in paying it to the other.” While there are, no doubt, ways and means that we can win and keep the respect of our partners, making it easier for them, we must remember that we are not perfect, or always right; nevertheless, we should be careful not to speak disrespectfully to or about our partner — husband or wife.
The Divine Lubricants
Let us remember that we need one another, and as we carefully and prayerfully seek to watch these three things — understanding, love and respect (honor) — we will find that they are the divine lubricants for marriage. However, since we are all human, with fallen natures, we should never allow a breakdown on these important points to spoil our marriage. When we fail, as we all do, it is good to learn to say, “I am sorry.” And the sooner we acknowledge it, the better!
Enjoying Divine
Privileges Together
Since we have spoken of the threefold cord, I would like to emphasize the importance of reading the Word and of prayer together, and then, too, of working together in the service of the Lord, each in his or her proper place. The public part is given to the man, but this is not necessarily the most important part. Also, by maintaining the practical side of married life in the proper way, our spirits are free in prayer, worship and service to the Lord. This we learn from 1 Peter 3:7: “That your prayers be not hindered.”
In Closing
In closing, I would just like to encourage both husband and wife to seek grace to follow the divine pattern. Talk things over. Share things together. And when there begins to be a strain, try to understand. I would say to you who are husbands: You are the one whom God holds most responsible to maintain love in the marriage. As Christians, it is His love that comes first; our love is a responsive love. So the wife’s love is looked upon in Scripture as a responsive love — responsive to the love that her husband shows to her. Then, also, let us not forget to show honor one to another.
I am sure that if we follow the divine plan, we will find happiness. Work will be easier, and our position in the assembly will be easier, for God’s plan really works, and He will give you the grace and strength needed to walk in His ways.
G. H. Hayhoe, adapted
Marriage Today
I suppose that no one would dispute that marriage is under attack today. An increasing number of people are choosing to live together outside of the marriage bond, and many governments now recognize this in such matters as income tax, social benefits and property rights. Among those who choose to be married, divorce rates are high. In the United States and Canada, rates of divorce are 40-45%. The rates are lower in some European countries, but reach a high of 55% in Sweden. It is noticeable that divorce rates have been lower in the last few years, but this has paralleled the rise of those who choose to cohabit. Even among those who remain together, it is well-known that many marriages are unhappy and are held together only by responsibilities to children and other factors such as monetary considerations, rather than by real love. Some are literally “hanging by a thread,” so that a seemingly trivial event may well trigger a separation. Sad to say, the rates of divorce among those professing to be believers are not much better than the rates for unbelievers. We may well ask what the reason is for all this and what has happened to cause such an alarming breakdown in that which was ordained of God for man’s happiness. There are a number of factors that have influenced this bad trend, and we would like to look at some of these in the light of Scripture.
The Expectations
First of all, people sometimes enter marriage today with unrealistic hopes. The affluent society in which we live has given rise to high expectations in material things, such as a nice home, late-model cars, and exotic vacations — in short, the so-called “good life.” What their parents may have acquired after many years of hard work, some young people want right away. When good jobs are not available, or wages are not as high as they might be, disillusionment sets in, and marital discord may be the result.
The Word of God tells us to “be content with such things as ye have: for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Heb. 13:5). We are also told that “having sustenance and covering, we will be content with these” (1 Tim. 6:8 JND). On the other hand, the same book tells us that “God ... giveth us richly all things to enjoy” (1 Tim. 6:17). So God delights to give to His children, but in order that they may use those things for His glory, not for selfish gratification.
The Lifestyle
Second, the film and advertising industries have had widespread influence, using such entities as television, the Internet, magazines, billboards, and brochures to give a most unrealistic view of life in a sinful world. An idealistic and impractical vista of life is usually presented, consisting of beautiful people surrounded by every conceivable creature comfort, always happy, and enjoying a supposedly delightful world. The watchword is, “You deserve it.” Once again, when reality does not match this idyllic picture, it is easy for one spouse to blame the other and for difficulties to arise.
We must remember that what we see around us today is still Cain’s world — a world formed by a man who “went out from the presence of the Lord” and then surrounded himself with everything to make him as happy as possible in a world blighted by sin, but with God left out. The style and details may have changed over the centuries, but not the outlook. This world is under a curse and is spoiled by sin. There is still much that is beautiful, because God has preserved this world from the full effects of the fall of man, but if we seek our joy in the things of this world, we will only come to the same conclusion as Solomon, who had to say, “All is vanity and vexation of spirit” (Song of Sol. 1:14). Full joy can be had only in Christ, not in things around us.
In addition, the movie industry is largely formed by all that is in the world — “the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life” (1 John 2:16). When believers allow themselves a steady diet of such things, their thinking may begin to parallel that of the world; they become casual about sin and may begin to indulge in it themselves. This likewise has a devastating effect on a Christian marriage.
A Long-Term View
Third, the lack of a long-term view plagues many people today and has a serious effect on marriages. When the past seems to provide no answers and the future of the world looks bleak indeed, men begin to live only for the moment. “Let us eat and drink; for tomorrow we die” (1 Cor. 15:32) becomes the principle by which many live. Sad to say, such thinking may affect even believers, who become like those who “cannot see afar off” (2 Peter 1:9). Present advantage takes precedence over future gain, and the present time takes precedence over eternity. Instead of seeking to please the Lord and being willing to suffer down here with the prospect of eternal reward, some trade all this for a few moments of present indulgence.
The Word of God is the only book that tells us to lay up our treasure in heaven and to be willing to suffer privation down here in the will of God, while postponing reward to a coming day. God in His Word gives us a long-term view, for He lives and moves in eternity. Those who find themselves in a difficult marriage may go on in it, and they will then obtain a rich reward in a coming day.
Coupled with this point is the question of looking into and being willing to obey the Word of God. If a Christian marriage is in difficulty, often the first thought is to seek counseling. This may certainly be helpful, and we would not speak against it in any way. However, I would suggest that it is much better if, first of all, husband and wife get on their knees in prayer, and then seek guidance from the Word of God. This avoids the “airing of the dirty linen” in the presence of a third party, and it gives God the glory. One of the names of the Lord Jesus is “Counsellor” (Isa. 9:6), and surely He is worthy of our trust. Let us trust Him first of all to lead and guide us according to His Word, while not despising any human source that He may allow to help us.
Secular Humanism
Fourth, the web of secular humanism has permeated everything in Western society and has brought with it a self-centered attitude that says that the endpoint of everything ought to be the happiness of man. This in turn spawns a fixation on self, which always brings unhappiness. As a faithful brother in Christ once remarked, “The natural man would suggest that marriage is a 50-50 proposition. But in a Christian marriage, each should be 100% for the other and both 100% for the Lord.” But when two people come together and both are “takers,” it is a recipe for disaster.
Coupled with this is the fact that many come to marriage today with very immature ideas about what marriage is and what is needed to make it work. A happy marriage requires hard work by both husband and wife. Another has put it well:
“If a man and a woman are to live together well, they must take the plant of love to the sunniest and securest place in their habitation. They must water it with tears of repentance or tears of joy; they must jealously remove the destroying insects and pluck off the dead leaves that the living may take their place. And if they think that they have any business in this life more pressing that the care and culture of this plant, they are undeserving of one another, and time’s revenges will be swift and stern.”
Some come to marriage today with unresolved problems in their lives and unjudged, sinful attitudes and tendencies in their characters, personalities and lifestyles. They expect that marriage will automatically solve all this and bring them happiness. In fact, it only compounds it, for the spouse may bring some of this baggage too, and each will exacerbate the defects of the other. The only remedy is to seek grace from the Lord to confess these things as sin and be an overcomer.
The Woman’s Role
Fifth, the feminist movement and the changing role of women in the world of today has placed a strain on marriage. While Scripture does not positively forbid a woman’s working outside the home, yet it is clear that God intended the woman to “rule the house” (1 Tim. 5:14 JND) and, in general, to have her sphere of influence in the home. The strong tendency in the last forty years for women to work outside the home as a regular thing has, in many cases, deprived children of a mother’s care in their younger years and caused discord in the home. The modern adage, “You can have it all,” has been found not to be true for women, despite the hype given to it. I was at a medical meeting some years ago and was impressed with the title of one talk being given: “Super-woman, super-mom, super tired!” There may be times when the wife and mother is compelled to work outside the home, but we need to remember that the wisdom of man is never better than the wisdom of God.
However, we must recognize that a lack of proper leadership on the part of the husband often contributes to a woman’s wish to work outside of her home. Two extremes are possible. On the one hand, some young men today do little to prepare themselves for marriage and its responsibilities. The wisdom of God says, “Prepare thy work without, and put thy field in order, and afterwards build thy house” (Prov. 24:27 JND). The man ought to be the provider, and he should take that responsibility seriously, beginning long before his marriage. On the other hand, some men become “workaholics,” idolizing their work to such a degree that their wives and children are neglected. They may make a good salary, thus being good providers in one sense, but at the same time neglect the moral and spiritual well-being of their families. When a wife is left alone for long periods, she begins to feel “taken for granted” and unappreciated. Both of these extremes can foster a desire on the part of the wife to seek to work outside her home.
The Claims of God
Finally, and of supreme importance, the giving up of God’s claims and the authority of His Word has had an incalculable effect on marriage. This sad tendency touches not only the marriage relationship, but also many areas of our lives. Over the past fifty years or so, the Word of God has gradually but steadily been neglected and ultimately forced out of the public domain. It has been replaced by man’s thoughts, which in most cases are the exact opposite of the wisdom of God in His Word. This turning away from God’s Word has had its most profound effect in countries that had embraced Christianity, for when light is given up, man becomes worse than those who never had light.
Marriage was ordained of God, and He has given in His Word direction and guidance for that relationship. When His Word is abandoned, the effect is similar, in natural terms, to one who buys a piece of machinery, but then throws out the instruction and repair manual supplied by the manufacturer. It is no wonder that it does not function properly.
In our day, with all of the assaults being made by Satan on marriage, we need more than ever to look away from the tendencies of this world and the wisdom of man. We are never wiser than Scripture, and God, who wants our ultimate blessing, will give us what is needed, in order that even in today’s world, our days may still be “as the days of heaven upon the earth” (Deut. 11:21).
W. J. Prost
Marriage in a Sin-Blighted World
Everything in this world bears the unmistakable evidence of the presence and ravages of sin. Thorns and thistles, diminished productivity of the soil, labor and toil, sorrow and tears, disease and death, turmoil and strife — all tell their part in the somber story of the fall of man. That blessed relationship of marriage which God instituted for man’s happiness shares in the common blight.
It is important for the child of God to remember that this is not his rest and that even the very blessings of God that are connected with this earth bear the stamp of sin and its dire results. We can take the things that God in His grace grants to us during our passage through the world, thank Him for them, and use them, while at the same time remembering their transitory and fleeting character. Nothing here is the ultimate of what God intends for us, nor is anything here to be compared with the blessings and happiness that await us when we are with and like Christ. Therefore it is a mistake for one to get his heart and mind so set on marriage as the goal of his happiness that he forgets that “the time is straitened ... that they who have wives, be as not having any” (1 Cor. 7:29). And in this light we can accept marriage as those that “use the world, as not disposing of it as their own” (1 Cor. 7:31 JND).
Paul went on to tell the Corinthian believers that those who marry would have trouble in the flesh, but he would have spared them. Illnesses, trials and difficulties of one kind and another will be found in the wedded state, some of which would not be known to the unmarried. We should not therefore be deceived as to the character of all here, although God can use the very trials for our souls’ blessing as part of our schooling.
The Unmarried
Paul, as inspired by the Spirit of God, was led to give his own spiritual judgment that the very highest part in a scene away from God would be to remain unmarried and wait on the Lord without distraction (1 Cor. 7). All people, however, cannot receive this, as the Lord Himself said in Matthew 19. Many through the ages have, like Paul, foregone marriage in order to be freer to serve the Lord. Now for many, as for him, the journey is over and it matters little whether they were married or not, but everything done for Christ will yet have a full reward from Him who is not unrighteous to forget the smallest detail of their devotedness.
Some dear saints have been known to be very miserable because marriage was unrealized in their own lives, but shall we question the wisdom and love of Him who gave His Son for us? Is He unmindful of our circumstances in life? If He saw that marriage was better, would He not supply it? Shall we not believe that we shall yet praise Him for His wisdom in withholding some things which we thought most desirable? Surely we shall yet see in these very things that try our spirits the working of His wisdom, love and power. A desire for marriage is, however, one of the things that we may simply tell the Lord all about and leave our request with Him (Phil. 4:6).
A dear maiden sister in the Lord, who at a ripe old age went to be with the Lord, used to remark that single persons can be happy if they will, while married ones will be happy if they can. Now while this is not a statement of Scripture, it does contain some good human wisdom. We can take any circumstance from the Lord and seek His grace to walk happily therein. An unmarried person’s happiness is not dependent on the character, disposition or thoughtfulness of a helpmate, while the married man or woman is to some degree dependent on the compatibility of the wife or husband.
We would not say one word against matrimony, but would seek to present it in all its aspects and from all its angles. There are trials in it that are common to man since the fall, and Christians cannot expect to escape them all. May we have a balanced view of all that is here.
We’re pilgrims in the wilderness;
Our dwelling is a camp;
Created things, though pleasant,
Now bear to us death’s stamp.
But onward we are speeding,
Though often let and tried;
The Holy Ghost is leading
Home to the Lamb, His bride.
P. Wilson, The Institution
of Marriage, adapted
Willing to Change
“I know that I am always late, but that’s the way I am!” “I’ve always taken a twenty-minute shower; it’s my way of waking up!” “I know I’m not nice to be around in the morning, but I can’t help it. I often wake up in a bad mood!” “I know I fly off the handle easily when something bothers me, but all my family are like that!”
Perhaps we have all heard remarks like these, and maybe we have said similar things ourselves. Yet how often it is these seemingly little things that are the cause of marital disharmony. In another article in this issue, we have noted that “some come to marriage today with unresolved problems in their lives and unjudged, sinful attitudes and tendencies in their characters, personalities and lifestyles.” In one way or another, we all bring such things to a marriage, to a greater or lesser degree. We may have seen some things in our Christian lives that we feel need correction, but others we may excuse as being insignificant in the overall picture. Even more frequently, at a relatively young age we may not even realize the full tendencies of our hearts, since we have not yet been tested in the crucible of life and in the marriage relationship. Often it is only under the trying circumstances of marriage and family life that some of these things come to the surface.
When two people are married, both come to the relationship with certain expectations and an outlook that is based on their genetic makeup, family background and the environment in which they were raised. In the adjustments that necessarily follow in the melding together of two people, the traits and tendencies of each may grate on the other. If these are not dealt with, the resultant irritation may well destroy whatever joy there might otherwise have been in the marriage.
Infirmities and Sins
Some of these things fall into the category of infirmities — entities that are the result of sin in the world, but not sinful in themselves. For example, the tendency always to be late is not a sin in itself, just as the penchant for spending money is not necessarily a sin. But if these trends in our character are carried to an extreme, they may well lead to sin. Others may carry the opposite characteristic to an extreme, so that a punctual person may become so rigid that there is no allowance for any leeway, for any reason. A miser (the opposite of a spender) may be so grasping that he cannot ever give something away, even if there is a real need.
Other aspects of our character and personality are more than infirmities — they are downright sinful. The tendency to exaggerate and lie, for example, is more than an infirmity; it is sin. The tendency to be dishonest is a sin and must be confessed as such. A bad temper is sinful and must be recognized for what it is; we cannot simply excuse it. In more recent years, a tendency to look at pornography has become a widespread evil among Christian men; this too must be recognized as a very serious sin.
Where then does this leave us with respect to marriage? Are we to postpone marriage until we can be sure that we have dealt with every infirmity or besetting sin in our lives, so that we will bring perfection to the relationship? No, for we will not be perfectly like Christ until we get home to the glory. Or are we to tell our spouse to “accept us the way we are,” because that is the way we are made? No, for that is to make our spouse miserable and to condone something that may well be sinful, or at least lead to sin. But equally true, we cannot expect that marriage will automatically cause all of these tendencies to disappear, or that our spouse will not be upset by them! I would suggest that there is a remedy from the Word of God.
Remedy
Some time ago, I was reading a short article written by a middle-aged Christian woman. In the article she confessed that she was one of those who was chronically late, often inconveniencing her friends and other people who were obliged to adjust to her tardiness. She went on to say that for many years she had regarded this as only a “minor character flaw” — something that others, if they loved her, would simply overlook. It was only when she got into the Lord’s presence that she realized that this was not merely an infirmity; it was a sin that she needed to confess to the Lord. Her lack of care in being punctual for appointments, meetings and other functions was nothing more than self-centeredness — an inclination that gratified itself at the expense of others. It was only then that she asked for the Lord’s help to overcome the tendency and was ultimately able to do so.
If we read through the Proverbs, it is striking how many times we are reminded of the need to accept correction. Here are a few examples:
“Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee” (Prov. 9:8).
“Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof is brutish” (Prov. 12:1).
“A fool despiseth his father’s instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent” (Prov. 15:5).
“He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding” (Prov. 15:32).
Many others of similar wording could be quoted, in order to show the importance of being ready to take correction and to act on it. To be willing to admit we are wrong and to recognize the need to change are the first step to God’s blessing, yet how often our natural hearts refuse this! We like ourselves too much, and instead of being willing to admit a wrong tendency, we may recall some fault in our spouse and bring that up, seeking to justify ourselves.
The Complement of Opposites
We may marry someone who is, at least in some characteristics, the opposite or complement of ourselves. This tends to work well, for what one is lacking, the other may supply. However, that opposite trait in our spouse that seemed so attractive during courtship may well become a downright irritation when we live with it every day. God may well use our spouse to point this out to us, not merely because it is irritating to him or her, but because it is a sin before the Lord. Of course, there is a time, place and manner for such conversations in a marriage! If we are wise, we will listen to the one God has given us and seek grace from the Lord to correct or at least modify our inclinations, not only to please our spouse, but also to be more like Christ.
Self-centeredness is probably the most serious barrier to a happy marriage. The unwillingness to adjust to one another and to deal with those things that are not what they should be is a real test, not only of our relationship with our spouse, but also of our relationship with the Lord. In the language of Proverbs, are we like the wise man who loves instruction and correction, or do we behave like the fool who despises and refuses it?
W. J. Prost
“They Did Not Like to Retain God in Their Knowledge”
The world of today is degenerating rapidly into a state similar to that which existed before the flood of Noah. Everywhere there is violence and corruption of every kind, and often to such a degree as to make even hardened unbelievers look on with horror. Many who have little or no thought of God are appalled at what is happening, and frequently the expression is used, “Whatever made him (or her) do it?” Such acts as child molestation, kidnappings, wanton murder, mass shootings of people in public places, and suicide bombings are becoming commonplace, to say nothing of Internet and credit card fraud, identity theft, computer viruses, and financial scams of every kind — the list goes on and on.
As well, the relationships between men and women are becoming more and more degraded, with fornication and adultery almost becoming the norm rather than the exception. More than this, homosexual relationships are becoming common, and same-sex unions are now being legalized in many jurisdictions. The change in public thinking on this subject has been one of the most significant and rapid declines of morality in the history of nominal Christian nations. Again, many are asking why and wondering what has brought about such a pronounced deterioration of public thinking and morality.
The Issue
As always, we find the answer in the Word of God, and it is very simple. When Adam and Eve were placed in the Garden of Eden, they had the knowledge of God, but subsequently one branch of their family, headed by Cain, chose to “go out from the presence of the Lord” and leave God out of his life. Later still, after the world had been destroyed by a flood, once again Noah and his family had the knowledge of the true God and had seen what His power in judgment could do. But soon their posterity also corrupted themselves and began to worship idols. We read the following in the Book of Romans:
“Because that, when they knew God, they glorified Him not as God, neither were thankful. ... Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and four-footed beasts, and creeping things.
“Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonor their own bodies between themselves” (Rom. 1:21-24).
The Result
It is a principle with God that when God gives light to man and man rejects that light, God often allows him to see the results of his choice. If man gives up God, God gives man up, allowing him to see the effect of the path on which he has embarked. We read further that because men “worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator ... God gave them up unto vile affections” (Rom. 1:25-26). Also, “Even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind” (Rom. 1:28).
Here, then, we find the reason for the shocking decline in morality in the world and the precipitous rise of violence and corruption on every side. Doubtless this has occurred many times in the past, but it is happening very quickly today. Needless to say, the degeneration has been most pronounced in those countries that had formerly embraced Christianity, for the words of Jude have been fulfilled: “Ungodly men, turning the grace of God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ” (Jude 4). Peter also reminds us of this tendency, when he says, “It had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them. ... The dog is turned to his own vomit again, and the sow that is washed to her wallowing in the mire” (2 Peter 2:21-22).
Thus, we should not be surprised at what is happening, although our hearts should surely be burdened, as we see what has happened to that which once professed the name of Christ. Countries that once were bastions of the gospel and from which countless missionaries went out to evangelize the world are now leaders in rejecting the Word of God, and even God Himself. But God has told us that this would happen, and I would suggest that it should have two effects upon us.
Two Effects
First of all, we can recognize that the Lord’s coming is near. We are reminded in Hebrews 10:25 that we are able to “see the day approaching.” If the day referred to is the day of judgment, then the Lord’s coming for us is even nearer. Our hearts should look up, for His coming must be soon!
Second, we must take even more care in our personal, family and assembly lives. As the condition of the world around us becomes perverted, we must make sure that we are more and more familiar with the Word of God. We must constantly be in prayer before the Lord, walking in fellowship with Him, lest we be overtaken with the thinking of the world in which we live and move. Sadly, an old poem may easily be true of the Christian:
“Vice is a monster of so frightful mien
As to be hated, needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then
embrace.”
The Positive Side
We must guard our own hearts, our families, our homes and our local assemblies from all of these degrading influences. But to these two things we have mentioned above, let us add a third. Rather than being only on the defensive, let us go on the offensive! Romans 12:21 tells us, “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” The believer who is active in the gospel and who seeks to use his time for the Lord is not nearly so likely to be overtaken with the spirit of the world. The wife and husband who work together in the Lord’s things will not have time to be occupied with worldly things; they have something better. God would have us not only to be kept from the evil in the world, but also to be a bright testimony to it. He will give us the strength, if we look to Him.
W. J. Prost
Quick and Slow Marriage Tips
“Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example that ye should follow in His steps” (1 Peter 2:21).
Perfect love:
Is it mine?
Slow to suspect,
Quick to trust.
Slow to condemn,
Quick to justify.
Slow to offend,
Quick to defend.
Slow to expose,
Quick to shield.
Slow to reprimand,
Quick to forbear.
Slow to belittle,
Quick to appreciate.
Slow to demand,
Quick to give.
Slow to provoke,
Quick to soothe.
Slow to hinder,
Quick to help.
Slow to resent,
Quick to forgive.
The Time Is Short
“The time is short”; let not this warning prove
A cloud to dim the sunshine of your love;
It was not meant by Him, who joys to bless,
E’en for an hour to damp your happiness;
He, who Himself the feast at Cana graced
With His own presence, and the best wine
placed
To cheer the guests upon the festal board,
Would rather gladden by this needed word.
“The time is short”: my children, spend it well;
As “heirs of life” together seek to dwell;
Helpmates in following Jesus may you prove,
Yielding yourselves as captives to His love;
Your union with each other serve to show,
As more and more you in His likeness grow,
Your closer union with your risen Head;
And His dear presence its sweet perfume shed
O’er all your conversation in your home,
As pilgrims waiting till the Bridegroom come.
“The time is short” for joy or suffering here;
Soon shall the morning without clouds appear:
“The little while” He tarries still, redeem —
Your motive, aim and end to live to Him;
In heaven there’ll be no cross for Christ to bear,
No sufferings with your blessed Lord to share;
No souls to win from error’s devious maze;
No works of grace to show your Father’s
praise.
J. G. Deck