My Mother's Conversion.

ANYONE, who knew my mother, would unhesitatingly have spoken of her as a real Christian. To me her memory is sacred. Her brothers and sisters always spoke of her as being exceptionally good from childhood. Her interests, outside her home, were confined to church and Sunday school. As to her outward character, nobody could say that she ever did a mean or shabby act; while such was her amiability of character that I never once saw her even ruffled, although she had plenty to try her with eleven boys and two girls.
Soon after I returned from India (where I had been for about ten years, and where, through the grace of God, I had been converted), I invited my mother to some special gospel services held in a first floor room in a house in King’s Inns Street, Dublin. The services were held on Sundays at 4 P.M. She came, accompanied by Mrs. B―, a very old friend of hers. They attended regularly all the time the services were held, my mother usually going home to tea, and then going, as usual, to church in the evening. I naturally concluded that they enjoyed the meetings, which were for the most part conducted by a dear servant of the Lord, who dealt powerfully with the conscience, although always endeavouring to heal the wounds he made by presenting the full and free salvation that God has for everyone, who simply believes on the Lord Jesus.
Sometime after these meetings were given up, I was speaking to my mother on the assurance of salvation, remarking what a happy thing it was to be saved, and to know it, when to my surprise she said—
“Well, I know that I am saved now; but a short time ago I could not have said that.”
“Why, mother,” I exclaimed, “I always thought you were saved!”
“Ah!” she replied, “what you thought, and what God knew are two totally different things. Of course, I always wanted to be saved, but I was going the wrong way about it. Consequently, I was never sure, and so I was never happy, though people might have thought I was. I was always full of doubts and fears; but now I know that I am saved.”
“Would you mind telling me,” I asked, “how you reached this happy state?”
She replied, “When you asked me to go to those special services I did not quite like to at first, as I preferred going to my own church; but as you were so interested in them I went, and induced Mrs. B — to go too. Little did I think how I was going to be helped.
“Mr. T—was the preacher the first Sunday. Never shall I forget what he said. It seemed to be all for me, though we sat right at the back where I thought he could not see us. After proving from Scripture that there is no difference; for all have sinned’ (Rom. 3:22, 2322Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference: 23For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; (Romans 3:22‑23)), he proceeded to show that we could not save ourselves, as salvation was not of ourselves, not of works’ (Eph. 2:99Not of works, lest any man should boast. (Ephesians 2:9)). I left the meeting that evening with a very heavy and troubled heart, and had almost decided not to go again, as I felt it did me no good, but only harm.
“However, the following Sunday I felt driven there, and called for Mrs. B― on the way. Mr. T― preached again, and what he said then troubled me more than ever. One text I specially remember, By the deeds of the law shall no flesh be justified in his sight’ (Rom. 3:2020Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin. (Romans 3:20)). If that is right, I thought, I have been wrong all my life.
“On the fourth Sunday I went to church in the evening, but arrived rather earlier than usual, feeling the need of a little quiet before the service began. The bell was slowly and quietly tolling; the lights were low, but there was sufficient light for me to see the Ten Commandments over the altar. Oh! thought I, if I could only keep them all. I will try once more.
“So slowly and fervently I began to repeat each one in a whisper to myself, and then added with all my heart, ‘Lord have mercy upon me; and incline my heart to keep this law.’
“As I read the tenth commandment a deep sense of God’s holiness in forbidding covetousness came over me; and the thought forced itself upon my mind, that even if I had managed to keep all the others, I had broken this one (see Rom. 7:77What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet. (Romans 7:7)). I could only plead guilty in my inmost soul. Then I heard, as it were, a voice of thunder ringing the words into my soul, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them’ (Gal. 3:1010For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them. (Galatians 3:10)), and ‘Whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, is guilty of all’ (James 2:1010For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all. (James 2:10)).
“Immediately an overwhelming sense of my utter failure filled my soul, and I saw that I was lost. So I closed my eyes in despair, and cried like sinking Peter, ‘LORD, SAVE ME.’
“Immediately I seemed to hear a voice saying gently to me, I have saved you; for ‘WHOSOEVER SHALL CALL UPON THE NAME OF THE LORD SHALL BE SAVED’ (Rom. 10:1313For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. (Romans 10:13)).
“From that moment,” said my mother, “I have never had the slightest doubt as to being saved; and, like many more, I can truly say, My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour’” (Luke 1:46, 4746And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord, 47And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour. (Luke 1:46‑47)).
It may be of interest to the reader to know that though my mother died a very painful death, yet she was bright and happy to the last. Her last words, gasped out between paroxysms of pain, were: ―
“JESUS — LOVES — ME.”
T. C.M.