MANY a child of God is in trouble of soul through confounding the divine pardon with his own gratitude, or the sense of gratitude he feels he should possess, for that pardon. "I do not believe I am pardoned my sins," said a friend to us not long since, "for if I were pardoned, I could but find the fruits of gratitude in my heart." “Sir," we replied,” you are like a man seeking to reap in a field that is not sown."
The seed first, the fruit next. First, faith in God's word; next, gratitude for what God has said, and its fruits. The condemned prisoner does not say to the officer who shows him the document of his pardon, signed and sealed, “I cannot be pardoned, for I do not feel grateful," but he is full of gratitude because he believes he is pardoned. God brings His pardon to the broken-hearted sinner; faith believes God, and gratitude rejoices in that pardoning mercy.
Do not put the load before the power—that is, your sense of what you are before faith in God. When the seed was sown in the honest and good heart, it sprang up and brought forth fruit. Had the heart not received the word, where could the fruit have come from? Out of nothing, nothing comes; out of a heart dead to God, nothing comes but death; out of an unpardoned sinner's soul, gratitude for God's pardon cannot come.
It is a mistake for the awakened soul to look for evidences in himself of God's work for him. Christ's death and resurrection are our evidence of God's pardon for us. He “was delivered for our offenses, and was raised again for our justification." When was this? Long, long ago, before we had sinned. Do you believe that God gave His Son to die, and raised Him from the dead for the sinner's sake? One thing is certain; when you believe, you will be grateful. “Ah, but, then, as I am not really grateful I cannot truly believe," says unbelief. Speaking thus is faith in one's own gratitude, not faith in God for His pardoning mercy. Oh, troubled heart, do not put self in any form before the plain word of God.