THE following is a brief account of the way in which God, by His word, brought one of His children to the knowledge of Himself: ―
It was just at the end of the year—now some time ago―that God, by His Spirit, first began to strive with me, or, rather, the time of which I speak was the first time I have any distinct recollection of His doing so. Till then I had never given any serious thought to the all-important matter of the salvation of my soul.
Although at times I took pleasure in that which I knew to be evil, in order to win the applause of foolish companions, yet I was not what people would call bad, and often would look forward to a time when, grown to manhood, and free from the temptations that then beset me, I might, by generous ways, uprightness, and pity for the helpless, win the praise and admiration of those whose good opinion I, at heart, most valued.
Many a struggle did I make to become all I dreamed of being at a future day. At times I succeeded a little, as I thought; but well I know now that there was not one good thing in me in God’s sight.
It was at the time of which I speak that I began to read my Bible, and to pray to God in my own words. I did so regularly for a time, and on the last day in the year, having read a little in God’s word, I took up a book which was lying upon the table, and read its last “night watch.” The paper contained earnest entreaties to the reader not to delay thinking about salvation. I went to bed in tears, and determined not to delay. But how was I to meet God? Satan whispered, “Go on as you have been doing; struggle hard, and pray to God to help you.” That suggestion soothed me for a time, and soon after all the anxiety of that night passed away and was forgotten.
Again, not quite a year after this, I took a second time to reading God’s word, and determined as I read it to guide my ways by it, but every word seemed to condemn me. I thought of the scene described in Revelation 20, and of having to stand alone, face to face with the God who had seen my every secret sin—who knew my every secret thought, and of having to be judged by Him. I shuddered, and fain would have persuaded myself that the God of the Bible could not exist. But in vain.
I saw that God was holy―that all His demands were righteous; but oh! I feared Him, and would fain have found some way of escape from Him, but could see none! This went on for a long time, until one night, having read, “Whosoever keeps the whole law, and yet offends in one point, is guilty of all,” I wondered how I could be saved. It was then that St. Paul’s answer to the Philippian jailor came to my mind― “Believe on the Lard Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved,” and I thought, “I have always believed on the Lord Jesus, I am not an infidel; I believe all I read about the Lord Jesus, and, therefore, I must be saved.” This belief in the head for a time satisfied me. Every time I read about believing on the Lord Jesus I was comforted, but when I read about the holiness of God I was distressed.
At last, I read in Romans, “All have sinned, and come short of the glory of God,” and in Isaiah, “All our righteousnesses are as filthy rags;” and thus God showed me that there was nothing good in me, as well as that I was not able to win my own salvation.
It was then that God taught me from His word that He had sent His Son, the Lord Jesus, into the world, and that He had died for my sins―that “He was bruised for my iniquities... Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise Him.” (Isa. 53) I saw that the punishment which Christ received for my sins had satisfied the righteous God. Through grace I accepted as a gift that which I never could win from God by my merits, and thus can I now look up to heaven and see, by faith, Christ, who was punished in my stead, seated at God’s right hand, and if in any measure I do anything that is pleasing in God’s sight, it is because His love constrains me and His power enables me. G. O.