It was very hard indeed for me to bow to that scripture. I had been a church member, and done the best I could for years, how could it be that I was as guilty in God's sight as a murderer.
I was in a terrible state, haunted day and night by a dread of death, till my life was a dreadful burden. I went to Bible Class with a friend one Sunday afternoon, hoping I would be able to shake off my miserable feelings, but came home, feeling more miserable than I had ever felt in my life before.
The teacher, an earnest Christian, had talked with me about my soul, and we had looked into the third of Romans together, but I did not want to listen to that, and went home in a dreadful state of mind. How could I believe that God was love, and was seeking to save me; why didn't he save me then? What had I done, that I should be so unhappy, while plenty I knew, were living in open sin, and were as gay and careless as they could be?
I wept, and struggled for weeks, I could not pray. I thought I must surely sink beneath the burden. At last, one evening I sat alone, as sad and miserable as I could be, and I said aloud, if I am lost forever, it is just what I deserve, and in the deepest agony I cried, "Lord be merciful to me a sinner.”
I was ready then' to believe all that was said in the third of Romans and I thought if my friends could see me as I saw myself, they would never speak to me again.
I had met my teacher that day and he said to me, "What trouble you are in, but the fault is your own, for God is waiting to save you, cast yourself on Christ and His finished work.”
I met him again on the following Sunday; he came to me as usual with Bible in hand, and well I remember, how I tried to put him off—we had gone over Scripture so often and it did seem that there was nothing there for me.
"Well, how are you today," he said.
"Worse than ever—I am lost—there is no hope for me now.”
"I am so glad of that, for you are just the one Christ came to save.”
"I know he died," I said, "but not for such a sinner as me.”
He turned to the third of John and told me to read the sixteenth verse.
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.”
"Whosoever means everybody, does it not? and must include you.”
"I dare not say that, for I might make a mistake," I replied.
My friend saw what the trouble was, and he began to tell me something he had done. I listened attentively till he was through.
"Do you believe what I have been telling you," he asked.
"Why, certainly I do," I replied.
"But perhaps I have told you something that is not true.”
"I would not doubt your word for anything," I said.
"How strange—you take my word and you won't take God's word, and if I were to bring you a gift this afternoon, you would take it from my hand, and thank me for it, yet God cannot lie, and I am only a poor sinful man. O, how is it you treat Him as you wouldn't treat me.”
"I will take His word," I said, "I would not doubt Him for anything." We turned to the 53rd of Isaiah and he read the sixth verse, "All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned everyone to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on Him the iniquity of us all.”
"Now, no matter what your sins have been, they are laid on Jesus. He suffered in your stead and now He offers you eternal life, a free gift; just take it and thank Him for it.”
I pressed the precious word to my lips, and wept as if my heart would break.
"I see it all now," I exclaimed—"he died for me-a poor, miserable, rebellious sinner," and we knelt right down there and thanked God for the gift of His Son—that precious gift; it was all that we could do.
I leave it with you, dear reader. This new birth is a blessed reality. Do you know anything about it? Have you had a sight of Jesus?—is He to you "the chief among ten thousand, and the One that is altogether lovely?”
Have you seen Him?