It takes only two to make a quarrel, and then it often takes a hundred or more to make peace again; for “the beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water,” and that surely is a good reason why we should “leave off contention, before there be quarrelling” (Prov. 17:14,14The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with. (Proverbs 17:14) R.V.).
A large proportion of the wrangles among brethren would never be known, if it were more generally understood that it is almost invariably the best man who steps out of the dispute first. But too many, alas! are imbued with the mistaken notion that it involves a great loss of dignity to let another person have the last word. It is to be feared however that such persons have but a very meagre apprehension of true Christian dignity.
Of old, there was a war of words between Abram’s herdmen and Lot’s herdmen. The father of the faithful, the depository of God’s promises bade his nephew take his choice, and go in whatever direction he pleased, only let there be no strife between them. Will anyone seriously allege that Abram, in this generous and self-renouncing offer, sacrificed one iota of his dignity? Truly he had the greater right; but it is only rarely that the greater right is found, as then, in conjunction with the greater grace.
There may be some reasonable excuse for the rarity of such a spirit as Abram’s, nineteen centuries before Christ, but none whatever now, —nineteen centuries after Christ. No one with the Gospels in their hands can pretend that when the Lord Jesus was here below He contended for His rights. He was meek and lowly in heart. The cruelest taunts and jeers of His enemies did not rouse Him to retaliate. Even their blows and spittle did not provoke Him to utter one revengeful word. And we must not forget that especially in this particular spirit of meekness He has left us an example that we should follow His steps (1 Peter 2:20-2420For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. 21For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: 22Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: 23Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: 24Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. (1 Peter 2:20‑24)). If we had more of this spirit of His, we should certainly be more at peace among ourselves.
“But we don’t expect to have this kind of thing to put up with in the assembly of God,” exclaims some fiery Boanerges. “We look for something more Christlike from our brethren. If a man is cantankerous, he must be made to know his place.” It is perfectly true we all ought to be gentle and humble minded. But there are the bellicose brethren; and how are we to deal with them? Will an angry word turn away their wrath? Can you subdue the workings of flesh in others by the working of the flesh in yourself? Are the weapons of our warfare carnal? No; on the contrary it is by such means that bitterness spreads, and that breaches are widened.
On such occasions it is that we are called to set ourselves earnestly to pursue the “things that make for peace.” And the assembly is the sphere for the exercise of this virtue. Who but saints having a difference with one another could be exhorted to “be of the same mind in the Lord” (Phil. 4:22I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord. (Philippians 4:2))? Such words could not be addressed to worldlings. And while we find exhortations to peace and mutual forbearance in almost every Epistle of the New Testament; we ought not to be very surprised to encounter contentious persons in our midst today.
What is to be done with a crotchety brother, who insists on having his own way, and is full of spiteful and abusive remarks? Let us remember that all of us are distinctly enjoined to “be of one mind, live in peace” (2 Cor. 13:1111Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you. (2 Corinthians 13:11)). Our individual aims therefore should be to preserve peace at any personal sacrifice whatever (always excepting the name of the Lord and His word). Let us pray for him. Let us be patient with him. Let us refuse to retaliate in any sense. Let us believe that he is misled rather than actuated by evil motives. Let us not despise him, or be angry with him. Considering ourselves if we were tempted in like manner, let us seek to restore him in meekness.
But beside the persons who abuse and those who are abused, there is another class who do a great deal of mischief (let us hope unconsciously) by their idle gossip. Brother X says something naughty about dear brother Y. At once the chattermags set to work, and the tale spreads like wildfire. Brother X has fifty excellent qualities but they are all forgotten, and his single transgression (arising perhaps from some misunderstanding) is magnified by the busybodies, until he is regarded by many as nothing but a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Instead of the matter being quietly settled between brothers X and Y themselves, it is carried by these tattlers over a whole county, and perhaps farther.
We have no sympathy with those who appear to find such a relish in retailing the faults of others. They have an eye for the ugly. If there is a black spot anywhere, they are sure to see it and point it out to everyone else. This is not the love that covereth the multitude of sins. It is one of the things that make not for peace, but for discord.
We ought therefore to discourage this circulation of evil reports by means of small talk. It would certainly tend to a spirit of concord among the saints, were there less of it. Let us not repeat matters ourselves, nor listen to these scandalmongers. Above all, if we are personally aggrieved, let us refuse to talk about our grievances. For if we are in the right it is unnecessary to justify ourselves; and if we are in the wrong it is, to say the least, waste of time to do so.
And surely we ought not to forget ourselves so much as to say such things for the sake of exposing another’s faults. That would be doing the work of an enemy at once, since it makes for division, not for peace. It certainly has the appearance of seeking to gain the hearers on our side, to be crying ourselves up, and running the other man down. And it is idle to pretend the matter is settled, and that we have forgiven the one who did the wrong, when we are all the while proclaiming his sins from the housetop.
May we remember the Lord’s words, “Have salt in yourselves, and have peace one with another.”