Laura had been anxious about her soul from early childhood; but she grew up to womanhood without knowing the joy of sins forgiven. It may have been partly owing to the bad teaching she received; for she was told by those who, while professing to be guides, knew not the way of salvation themselves, that if she gave up the world and prayed more, she would at length get peace.
But Laura loved the world; and though she made many resolves to give it up, she found herself unable to resist its pleasures. The illness or death of a friend would make her feel very miserable; for she not only grieved for such, but thought afresh of her own unpreparedness for eternity. At such times she would go to church oftener, and try to conform outwardly to religious observances, which only made her the more unhappy.
Had Laura read the Word of God instead of resting on man's word, she would have found that God's way is quite different from man's way. Man looks within, to find something he can give to God. God gave His Son for the sinner, and says, "Hear ye Him." Laura had yet to learn her utter powerlessness to give anything to a holy God from a fallen, corrupt nature.
When Laura was about eighteen, she thought perhaps she would feel happier if she were confirmed. She went to have a conversation upon the subject with the clergyman of the church she attended. Mr. Green decided she was hardly eligible for confirmation as she was not sufficiently acquainted with the Catechism. He advised her to study further and then see him again.
"But, sir," said Laura, "should I die before I am confirmed, what will become of me?”
"Confirmation," he answered, "will not fit you for heaven. It will make no difference to you then whether you are confirmed or not.”
"Then, Mr. Green, I will not be confirmed.”
"Very well," he said; and they parted.
As Laura walked home she thought over the conversation with the clergyman. "He never told me how to prepare for death," she thought. "Perhaps he did not know my misery. Oh, that I could be a Christian! Will God have mercy upon me?”
Later, a sudden desire took possession of her. She would throw herself into the river flowing silently at her side. Then there came to her remembrance: "After death the judgment." Why did that thought stop her wicked design? Many years afterward she confessed what she then feared: it was not death of the body, but the great white throne, the having to give an account of herself to God. How could she, unclean and unforgiven, face a holy God? How could she dare enter His presence, so vile, so unsuitable for eternity? How good God was to hold her back from self-destruction! Little did she then know that it was His goodness leading her to repentance.
Several years passed away, leaving her more anxious and dissatisfied. She had tried the world's pleasures, and she was weary of them. She had passed through deep and bitter sorrows; but the only One who could have comforted her was yet unknown. Would she ever find rest for her burdened conscience? Yes! The One who seeks the lost was seeking her. He was only waiting for her to give up trying; then she would trust Him.
Mentally worn and really ill, she went with a Christian aunt to the shore. While there it was thought advisable for Laura to have medical advice. A Christian doctor was located there, and the aunt consulted him about her niece. Particularly she told him of her distressed state of soul. He was greatly interested, and saw her at once, praying for wisdom in dealing with her. When he handed Laura her medicine, he said: "Do you believe this will do you good?”
"Yes," she replied, "or I would not take it.”
"True; so you can trust me, a man, for the healing of your body. Can't you trust God for the healing of your soul? 'Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved.'”
There was a slight pause; then Laura looked up. "Doctor," she said, "I do believe.”
A heartfelt "Thank God," and shake of the hand, was his response, and he was gone.
"My dear Laura," said her aunt, "do you really mean what you told the doctor?”
"It would have been untrue to have said anything else. As the question was put to me, I knew that I believed on the Lord Jesus Christ.”
"And are you clear as to the forgiveness of all your sins?”
"No, Aunt; but I trust God to show me now, for light is dawning, and all fear of the future is gone.”
The following day, as she sat on the beach, Laura opened her Bible and was startled to read: "I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions for Mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins." Isa. 43:2525I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins. (Isaiah 43:25). Her burden then was gone! She rejoiced with all her heart. She saw how God had blotted out her transgressions, not by her strivings, her prayers, her tears, nor anything she ever did, or could do, but solely on the ground of the finished work of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Dear soul-sick one, will you not trust God, even as Laura did? He waits to show you the path of life and to bring you into fellowship with the Son of His love.