The exhortations in chapter 5:18-21 were directed to all believers, but in this next part of the epistle we have exhortations regarding those in special relationships in the Christian household. The exhortations that are now before us correspond with the third circle of Christian responsibility in chapter 4:6—“one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all.” These exhortations have to do with our walk in connection with our natural and earthly relationships in the household setting. God established these relationships long before Christianity came into this world. In this epistle the Apostle Paul gives them a Christian significance and meaning.
Submission is the theme throughout this whole passage. This is why wives are exhorted before husbands, and children before parents, and servants before masters. The Spirit of God has purposely put it in this way to attach importance to this great and important principle of submission. J. N. Darby said, “Submission is the healing principle of humanity.” It is good for us to keep this in mind as we look at these various relationships in the household.
Wives
Chap. 5:22-24—In regard to husbands and wives, Hamilton Smith said, “These special exhortations always have in view the particular quality in which the individual addressed is likely to fail. The woman is liable to break down in submission, and is therefore reminded that the husband is the head of the wife, and that her place is to be “subject.” The man is more prone than the woman to fail in affection. Therefore, husbands are exhorted to “love” their wives.
To emphasize the character of submission, Paul points to “Christ and the church” as the model (vs. 32). In Christianity, our earthly relationships are formed after the pattern of our heavenly relationships. We see from this that God intends that the practical effect of the truth of the mystery should come right down into the personal relationships in our households.
“Wives” are to “submit” to their husbands “as unto the Lord.” They are not told to obey, as is the case with children (chap. 6:1), because they have a different relationship to the head of the house. It may be argued that Sara “obeyed” Abraham, but she was not on Christian ground in that old economy (1 Peter 3:66Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. (1 Peter 3:6)). She also called him “lord,” but again, it doesn’t mean that Christian wives are to call their husbands “lord.” Sarah is brought before us in Peter’s epistle to illustrate the reverence that Christian wives should have for their husbands.
As the Church is to be “subject to Christ,” so the wife is to be subject to her husband. It must be kept in mind that the truth given here, regarding the husband and wife, is in keeping with what is found throughout the epistle, in that it is God’s ideal. As mentioned earlier, the epistle does not factor in the ruin of the Christian testimony, whether it is in carrying out the truth of the one body in practice, or our personal walk with the Lord through this world, or in our earthly relationships in our households. All is given according to God’s intentions. We mention this because the Church in this day of ruin is not in subjection to Christ. If sisters are to behave toward their husbands “as” the Church does toward Christ in this day, they should be insubject and rebellious! But that would be missing the point.
A wife may complain that her husband is a lout of a man, and quite incompetent. And it may be so, but that does not give her license to set aside the divine order in the household. It is important that she remain subject to him because her place illustrates the position in which the Church stands in relation to Christ. An insubject wife spoils the picture of Christ and the Church.
Some wives may understandably have difficulty with Paul’s comment about being subject to their husbands “in everything” (vs. 24). What if He tells her to do something that is clearly wrong—perhaps to lie or steal something? We again would point out that Ephesians does not view the church in failure, and therefore, does not suppose the husband or the wife doing anything but what is normal to Christianity—which is completely above sin. Colossians 3:1818Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18) qualifies the wife’s submission, saying, “As it is fit in the Lord.” She is to do all that he asks, but as it is fitting in the Lord. To sin because her husband tells her to do so is out of the question.
Husbands
Chap. 5:25-33—As mentioned, men are more prone than women to fail in affection, therefore, husbands are exhorted to “love” their wives.” The initiative rests on the husband. Christ is the example. He took the initiative in a most wonderful way. It says, “Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.” He didn’t give money or possessions; He gave “Himself” (Gal. 1:44Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father: (Galatians 1:4); Eph. 5:2, 252And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savor. (Ephesians 5:2)
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Ephesians 5:25); 1 Tim. 2:5-65For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus; 6Who gave himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time. (1 Timothy 2:5‑6); Titus 2:1414Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. (Titus 2:14)). He could not give more. This is the greatest display of self-sacrifice there could ever be. Since husbands are to love their wives “as” Christ loved the Church, they are to express their love not only in words, but also in sacrificing their own interests for the good and help of their spouse.
A marriage may be "made in heaven" (as people say), but the maintenance of it must be done on earth—and it begins with husbands loving their wives. The word “love” here, in the Greek, is “agapé.” It is a love that emanates from a settled disposition; it is a choice or a settled decision. The word used here for “love” is not “phileo,” as we might have thought, which is a love of affection and emotion. Agapé is the kind of love that is needed for a lasting marriage. Surely the husband should love his wife with emotion and affection, but the agapé love is what is needed to take the marriage the distance of a lifetime. The wife may change as she grows older, but the choice of her husband to love her will continue as always.
Agapé is the kind of “love” the Lord has for us. He chose to set His love on us when there was nothing in us naturally to love (Rom. 5:88But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)). It was a sovereign choice of His. (Compare also the Lord’s love for Israel—Deuteronomy 7:7-87The Lord did not set his love upon you, nor choose you, because ye were more in number than any people; for ye were the fewest of all people: 8But because the Lord loved you, and because he would keep the oath which he had sworn unto your fathers, hath the Lord brought you out with a mighty hand, and redeemed you out of the house of bondmen, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. (Deuteronomy 7:7‑8); Ezekiel 16:6-146And when I passed by thee, and saw thee polluted in thine own blood, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live; yea, I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, Live. 7I have caused thee to multiply as the bud of the field, and thou hast increased and waxen great, and thou art come to excellent ornaments: thy breasts are fashioned, and thine hair is grown, whereas thou wast naked and bare. 8Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold, thy time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I sware unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord God, and thou becamest mine. 9Then washed I thee with water; yea, I throughly washed away thy blood from thee, and I anointed thee with oil. 10I clothed thee also with broidered work, and shod thee with badgers' skin, and I girded thee about with fine linen, and I covered thee with silk. 11I decked thee also with ornaments, and I put bracelets upon thy hands, and a chain on thy neck. 12And I put a jewel on thy forehead, and earrings in thine ears, and a beautiful crown upon thine head. 13Thus wast thou decked with gold and silver; and thy raiment was of fine linen, and silk, and broidered work; thou didst eat fine flour, and honey, and oil: and thou wast exceeding beautiful, and thou didst prosper into a kingdom. 14And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord God. (Ezekiel 16:6‑14).) Note: He didn’t make the Church worthy to be loved, and then love it and give Himself for it—His loving and giving was before we were saved! The purpose of the sacrifice of Christ was not to secure the love of God for men. It was God Himself who was acting in love toward men, and it was proved by the sacrifice of Christ. This is the kind of love that is needed for a lasting marriage.
Christ’s “love” for the Church is threefold. There is what His love did in the past (vs. 25), what His love is doing in the present (vs. 26), and what His love will do in the future (vs. 27). His love for us in the past has led Him to give Himself in death to make atonement for our souls. At the present time, He is patiently working with the members of His body to “sanctify” and “cleanse” them through “the washing of water by the Word.” Shedding His blood in death has cleansed us in a judicial sense (1 John 1:77But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. (1 John 1:7); Rev. 1:5-65And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood, 6And hath made us kings and priests unto God and his Father; to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen. (Revelation 1:5‑6)), but the water of the Word is cleansing our walk in a practical sense. The “Word” discovers to us what we are and leads us to judge ourselves (John 17:1717Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. (John 17:17)), and it also occupies us with Christ in glory (John 17:1919And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth. (John 17:19)). These two things are the power for our practical cleansing. Then, in the future, the Lord will “present” the Church to Himself. This will take place at “the marriage supper of the Lamb” (Rev. 19:7-97Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. 8And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. 9And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God. (Revelation 19:7‑9)). He will present the Church to Himself before He presents her to the world at His appearing (2 Thess. 1:1010When he shall come to be glorified in his saints, and to be admired in all them that believe (because our testimony among you was believed) in that day. (2 Thessalonians 1:10)).
We are not to take from this that husbands are to undertake a project of cleansing and sanctifying their wives, in the sense of trying to change and mold them into something they are not. The model of Christ and His love is presented here as an example to husbands of the depth of His devotion to the Church. We, as husbands, are to have that same love and care for our wives.
The Lord will not be satisfied until the Church is perfectly suited to Himself. Paul mentions four things that His work has done and will produce in us (vs. 27). In the end, we will be “a glorious church:”
“Without spot”—stainless. Spots in Scripture refer to failures. In that day, no trace of failure will be seen in the Church.
“Holy”—sinless. The fallen nature will be eradicated, and we will never sin again.
“Without blemish”—blameless. The world will not be able to justly point a finger of accusation at us, for we will be perfect through His matchless grace.
Vss. 29-30—Nourishing has the thought of feeding and building up, and this might suggest that we are to enjoy the truth with our wives as we study the Word of God together. Cherishing implies thoughtful care, love, and consideration. These things make for a happy marriage. It is easy to see that if the husband gives to his wife the love that is due to her, she will not have much trouble yielding submission to him.
A Sevenfold Summary of Christ’s Great Work of Securing the Church For Himself
Christ’s sevenfold initiative toward the Church, indicating His complete devotion to her welfare, is a progressive thing:
He “loved” (vs. 25).
He “gave” (vs. 25).
He “sanctifies” (vs. 26).
He “cleanses” (vs. 26).
He “nourishes” (vs. 29).
He “cherishes” (vs. 29).
He will “present” the Church to Himself (vs. 27).
Children
Chapter 6:1-3—Since the epistle does not view the Christian testimony in ruin, it views the Christian home in a godly order. The place of children in the home is to “obey” their parents. It is held out as the way of practical blessing in their lives. Note: it says, “parents” (plural); this supposes that both the father and the mother are of one accord in their directions in the household. There is a tendency for children to obey their father (perhaps out of fear), but not their mother; therefore, they are enjoined to obey both parents. The fact that it adds the words “in the Lord,” supposes that he is addressing believing children who naturally want to please the Lord.
“Honour thy father and thy mother” is an injunction that extends beyond a child in his father’s home. Honour for our parents should continue throughout our lives, even when we may not be living directly under their authority any longer. There is a practical reward for honouring our parents, in the sense of God working providentially in our lives for good. Paul is not saying that every Christian child who obeys his parents will live long on earth, but he refers to the principle of God’s government in the Mosaic law that promises His providential favour in the lives of those who honour their parents. God still works on this principle today in Christian homes.
Three Reasons for Obedience and Honour to Parents
It is right (vs. 1).
It is according to Scripture (vs. 2).
There is a promise of governmental blessing (vs. 3).
Parents
Chapter 6:4—“Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath.” Fathers particularly have to be careful to not frustrate their children by imposing extreme injunctions on them, and thus destroy their influence for good and lose their affection. The children can get “discouraged” and give up (Col. 3:2121Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. (Colossians 3:21)). When they get older, their frustration could manifest itself in rebelling against everything their parents have sought to instill in them.
The parents’ work is to encourage their children, not discourage them. They are to “bring them up in the nurture [discipline] and admonition of the Lord” (vs. 4). There are two things here. “Discipline” and “admonition.” One is positive and the other negative. Discipline in this verse is not punishment, but the idea of training or discipling the children. Parents are to work with them, bringing them up to be disciples of the Lord Jesus. Admonition has the thought of correcting, but it is to be “of the Lord.” That is, in the same character as the Lord admonishes and corrects us. This sets things in the Christian home on a very high level and is in keeping with the character of the epistle.
Servants
Chapter 6:5-8—“Servants” should be translated “bondslaves.” The instructions here are for those of that class who had gotten saved. Hence, they were Christian slaves. While the previous relationships of wives and husbands, and children and parents are ordered of God, this station in life is not an institution of God. It has come about through the fall of man. It was an institution of man forced on his fellow man for unjust reasons. He never intended that one man should be the slave of another.
It is significant that Paul does not try to set right this man-made relationship of masters and slaves. Christianity is not an attempt to reform society with a revolution of this terrible institution of man. Paul does not tell the saints to campaign against it, or dissolve all such relationships if they were in them. This is because the gospel is not a force to set the world right; it calls all who have faith out of it before the judgment of God falls on it. The gospel proclaims emancipation, not from the injustices of society, but from sin and judgment. It promises the working of the “power of God” in the lives of those who believe by delivering from the dominion of sin (Rom. 1:1616For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek. (Romans 1:16)).
We might wonder how a passage like this could have any relevance to us in North America in the 21st century where slavery has long been abolished. However, the exhortations here do have their application to Christians in the workplace. When we are at work as an employee, in principle, we are in the place of a servant, serving our employer. Therefore, these instructions apply when we are in that relationship.
The underlying point of the Apostle in these instructions is that both servants and masters are to regulate their conduct by Christian standards and Christian principles in the workplace. Christianity encourages glorifying God and the serving of the Lord in the place where we have been called (1 Cor. 7:17-2417But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. 18Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become uncircumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be circumcised. 19Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the commandments of God. 20Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called. 21Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather. 22For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant. 23Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. 24Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God. (1 Corinthians 7:17‑24)). The workplace is a tremendous opportunity to bear witness for Christ by our work habits, our manner of life, and our obedience to our earthly employers. Therefore, Paul would have us serve under our masters in the workplace “as the servants of Christ.” Labour is immeasurably dignified by considering our work in this way. The task of the humblest worker can be ennobled by understanding that we are really “doing service as unto the Lord.”
Proper attitude in the field of labour among Christians requires, on the part of servants and masters, the recognition of constituted authority. The duty of servants is obedience. They are not to use “eyeservice” or be “menpleasers.” Eyeservice is to work when being watched, but otherwise to be idle or careless when the master is absent. Men-pleasers defines those who seek to curry favour with their masters for selfish gain. These things, of course, only spoil our Christian testimony before the world.
Masters
Chapter 6:9—The Apostle has a word of caution for Christian “masters.” They are to remember that they have a “Master” in heaven who is observing all things, and will, if necessary, move in a governmental way against an unjust master on earth. Philemon would be an example in Scripture of a Christian master.
As mentioned, the exhortations here can have their application to those who are employers. A tremendous testimony can be rendered for the Lord when people see a Christian master treating his servants with love and care and dignity. The attempt to get increased production out of workers by “threatening” is not a Christian principle, and they are to forbear using such a tactic. Christian employers need to remember that they, too, are under authority and ultimately will have to answer to God as to how they have treated their employees. If they behave wrongly, it redounds to a bad testimony for the Lord.