Words for Men: November 2012

The first responsibility of men, or anyone else, is their personal relationship and fellowship with God and the Lord Jesus. If that relationship is not right or fellowship is not maintained, then other relationships with wives, children or with all men will not be carried out according to God’s will. John’s last exhortation in his first epistle is, “Children, keep yourselves from idols.” An idol in our heart separates us from God and keeps us from living according to God’s will. The Proverbs has many wise sayings, but it begins with the all-important first statement, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.” Giving God His right place in our heart and life comes first, and all else flows from it. Our Lord Jesus, in fulfilling his responsibilities as a man, said, “I do always those things [which] please [the Father].” Doing the Father’s will was everything to Him, and one result was that He fulfilled every responsibility in His relationships with others in a perfect way. Consider one of the last acts of His life. Even hanging on the cross, He continued to care for His mother and her need; He put her care into the hands of the Apostle John, by saying to John, “Behold thy mother!” May we sit at His feet, learn from Him, and seek to be like the Apostle Paul who exhorted us, “Be my imitators, even as I also am of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1 JND).

There is no doubt that when God created the man and the woman, He intended them together to “have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth” (Gen. 1:26). There is, however, an order in creation; the man was created first and then the woman, as being like the man and his helpmate. Paul also reminds us of this when he says, “Adam was first formed, then Eve” (1 Tim. 2:13). The fact that the woman was taken out of the man shows that God intended man to be the head. Paul again confirms this when he says, “The man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man” (1 Cor. 11:8-9). If the man took the place of headship simply because he wanted it and was strong enough to take it, he would have no more right to the position than the woman! But if God gave him that position, then he is responsible to take it and to fulfill his obligations before God.

God gave the man superior strength; in fact, it is rather interesting that in the lower creation, it is rare to find the female with less strength than the male. Only in the human species is this so. God also gave the man a totally different mental and emotional makeup; he is generally governed more by logic and less by intuition. In this way he was fitted to take his position of headship, leadership and responsibility in a number of different spheres — a position that God gave him.

God’s Greater Purposes

But in creating man, God ultimately had much greater purposes in mind — purposes from a past eternity. When God created man, it was in order that His Son, as man, might inherit all things. Thus we read, “What is man, that Thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that Thou visitest him? For Thou hast made Him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned Him with glory and honor” (Psa. 8:4-5). God has purposed that Christ, as man, will be head over all things. He will one day “gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in Him” (Eph. 1:10). The whole Word of God is the revelation of how God will accomplish this ultimate purpose.

Thus we find that man was given the headship of creation. When the woman was created, she was to be his helpmate, with man as leader and head. When a household was formed, it was to the man that God looked for responsible guidance and direction for it. In the administration of society, in the workplace, or in the public worship of God, the man was given responsibility for supervision and regulation.

Man’s History

The whole history of mankind shows how poorly the man has functioned in this position. First of all, he failed in being near his wife when the devil tempted her. As a result, she was deceived and disobeyed God’s command. Although he was not deceived, the man then also disobeyed, so that both were guilty. Man has also failed in his position in marriage. For much of this world’s history, he has oppressed the woman, often treating her as little more than a chattel. This continues to go on in some parts of the world today, with physical and mental abuse being commonplace. In other parts of the world, notably Western Europe and North America, the man has, for the past forty years or so, tended to abdicate his place of leadership and is often content to assume a subservient role. The consequence has been that the woman has often tried to fill the vacuum, with disastrous results in family, home life and, ultimately, society.

While both men and women tend to be out of their proper places in much of the world today, surely God holds the man mainly responsible for this disorder. It is a principle with God that when there is disorder and confusion within any sphere of leadership and responsibility that He has set up, He looks to the head for the reason. Another has put it most aptly:

“I feel great difficulty and sorrow in looking around at all relationship — husbands, parents, and children, masters and servants, and friends; there are difficulties in them all, even in friendships.  ...  I believe that in every case where there is anything painful and wrong, we shall find that it is in the higher member the failure comes in first — that the first to look at is the one God puts forward as being responsible.”

Leadership and Headship

If men would take their place in leadership and headship and fulfill their duties in the fear of God, much of the trouble would be avoided. Of course, we must recognize that as long as we are living in a sinful world, nothing will be totally right until God sets it right. However, we are merely speaking about our responsibility before God. Paul could say to the Corinthians, “Quit you like men, be strong” (1 Cor. 16:13), and while this verse was written to believers, the message is a good one for all men today. If men would go forward in strong and yet loving leadership, whether in marriage, in the home, in the workplace, and in administration, God’s order would be reestablished, and His blessing would rest upon them.

This likewise reflects on believers, who tend to be influenced by the attitude of the world around them. It is easy for young men today to relinquish their God-given role as leaders and to pursue selfish ends. Instead of working towards marriage and family life, they may lead somewhat disordered and aimless lives. This in turn causes the woman to adopt a wrong role, and everything is misplaced. Sad to say, Satan has been very adept at persuading many that all this is quite normal.

There is only one place where wisdom may be found, and the Word of God must be the only guide for the believer in all this. The wisdom of this world is generally the opposite of God’s wisdom, and as this world departs more and more from the principles of God’s Word, the believer must be prepared to stand out more and more as being different. But “wisdom is justified of all her children” (Luke 7:35). The end results of following God’s wisdom will be His blessing upon us and a sense of His presence. The final result must be realized in eternity, but even down here, those who follow the wisdom of God will find that they will reap the benefits.

W. J. Prost

Men, beware! Your identity is being attacked! Mine was, and it happened this way. Yesterday, as I was beginning to prepare articles for this issue of the magazine, I received a courtesy telephone call, asking how my computer was working. The man identified himself as a representative of Microsoft Windows and said they suspected there were a large number of malicious wares on my computer that were slowing it down and which needed to be removed. He led me through a test process that was supposed to help my computer function better, and he promised to call back the next day to verify its performance. I should have known better, but in a weak moment I fell into his trap. Before it was over, I had revealed my credit card number to him, my social security number and an undisclosed amount of information he gleaned from browsing in my computer for over an hour. I spent the rest of the day taking measures to protect my identity, including sending reports to all the fiduciary companies and Microsoft.

Upon consideration of what had transpired, it occurred to me that this same thing is happening to men all around us today; their God-given identity is being taken from them and used by others. Cases involving men who abuse their position of headship are cited as a reason to throw off the whole established order of God. Those of us who have been given the place of representing God (under Him) ought not to shirk the place we are put into merely because some say that we are being overly assertive. The difference between the positions of men and women is not something men have assumed of themselves; God made the difference between the relative positions of men and women. Sadly, many who attack the headship of man do not realize this. We men must remember that the efforts to tear down the differences between the genders is not as much an attack against us as it is against God. We are being attacked because we are His representatives — made in the image of God.

Returning to what happened to me yesterday, I wish to point out three particular things which were used to lead me into the trap. One, the caller represented himself as from a reliable company, and I did not verify it. Two, he appeared to be seeking my good. Three, no mention was made of charges for the services until midway through the process. Now let us consider how these same deceptive practices are used by those attacking the male role.

The Reliable Source

One would expect the attack on traditional family roles to come primarily from atheists, agnostics or those not affiliated with Christian denominations, but this is not the case. The pulpit of “Christian religion” is being used as a platform from which the opponents of Christian ethics are attacking biblical family roles. Under the banner of “Christianity,” changes and tolerance are being urged upon us, without making a distinction between sin and the sinner. Islam, Hinduism and other false religions are strangely absent from this movement. Why? Obviously for the same reason the telephone caller chose to hide himself with smooth, intelligent talk under the Microsoft name, in order to steal my identity. Interestingly, after I had discovered his tactic and resisted giving him more information, he became belligerent.

The Christian faith has changed the world more than anything else. Those of us who are born again know it is God’s testimony to the world. The enemy also knows it is a good platform from which to attack. It is the perceived reliable source used to deceive the unwatchful. Simon Magus, mentioned in Acts 8:18-24, also saw the tactic of which we are speaking and wanted to use it, but there was discernment in the apostles to detect and stop it. Today there is not the same power, but individually we can walk with God.

Let us give some examples of how attacks are being made from “Christian platforms.” Consider the many new translations of the Bible each year. Why is the Bible the book chosen by both liberals and conservatives to be retranslated and changed? The old classic books have archaic words in them, yet they are left untouched. The old saying holds true that nobody counterfeits a false bill. With the introduction of gender neutral translations, the liberal agenda is becoming more evident. This is a bold attack on God’s order revealed in the very book they pretend to support. The enemy is operating under the umbrella of “Christianity.” This banner gives the operation an authoritative blanket, while at the same time deceiving the unaware. Sadly, there are also many who follow this deception in their simplicity, who are not enemies to the Christian testimony.

The Well Being
of Men and Women

As to who is allowed in the believer’s home, the test the Apostle John gave is pertinent to our case. “Many deceivers are entered into the world, who confess not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh. This is a deceiver and an antichrist” (2 John 7). Then he followed by saying, “If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed” (vs. 10). The test had to do with the person and work of Christ, not whether the one at the door was offering something that supposedly was good for the family. We may learn from this and be assured that if someone gives the Lord Jesus His right place, he will also be good for our family. In this regard we need to be careful not to get the cart before the horse and consider what is good for our families before considering the Lord. There are many helpful books for men and boys; some are good and some are not. I would suggest John’s simple test be put to everything we allow in our homes. Of course, this is not the only criterion for finding the right help on the subject, but it is foremost.

More often than not, the ongoing social conflict over the place of men and women is being waged over what is best for men and for women, and depending on various vantage points, different solutions are suggested. The enemy would like to keep the battle on this front rather than on what is God’s order, for if God’s Word is allowed, all is settled. There may be some different applications as to details, concerning what the Word says, but basically we submit to it. The differences become a non-issue when each one submits to God.

The True Charges

Midway through the process of “eliminating the malicious software” on my computer, I was advised that for five dollars I could upgrade the program for two more years. Leaving aside all comments about my folly, allow me to share what I, and perhaps you, need to learn by the experience. During the second session to fix the computer, my suspicions had risen to the point where I called Microsoft. Time was important; I needed help fast. After going through what seemed like an endless sequence of menus, I finally was able to speak to a representative who patiently listened to my case. He was kind and informed me that he would help transfer the call to the appropriate department. All lines were busy due to a high volume of calls. After thirty minutes there was still no answer, so he took down all the information and gave me a case number for follow-up. And there it remains to this day. Next on the list was the need to talk to the credit card company. They have a shorter list of menus to get to the right person. The second person was able to inform me that there were three recent charges posted on my account, one for $277 and two others with open ended amounts that had not been posted. He terminated the card account and issued a new card which I received the next day. This is not the whole story, but it is sufficient for my purposes in relating it. I plainly learned that the man’s object was to deceive me in order to get what I had. Now I am concerned with how much more he will try to take, through stealing my identity.

The greatest deceptions come from those “who hold the truth in unrighteousness” (Rom. 1:18). Because of this, many are prone to give up the truth of the Christian faith. As Pilate said, “What is truth?” But we have the opportunity to stand for the truth. Paul says in Ephesians 4:15, “Speaking the truth in love.” Every married man should assume his place as head of the home, treating his wife with love and respect, while maintaining his children and home in godly order. It is what God has established for us. “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong” (1 Cor. 16:13).

D. C. Buchanan

When the Lord Jesus was walking through this world with His disciples, there was more than one occasion when some of them wanted to be the greatest. This has been the tendency of man’s natural heart ever since the fall of man. The Lord’s response to them gives the secret of true Christian greatness:

“He that is greatest among you, let him be as the younger; and he that is chief, as he that doth serve. For whether is greater, he that sitteth at meat, or he that serveth? Is not he that sitteth at meat? But I am among you as he that serveth” (Luke 22:26-27).

The Lord described human greatness very well when He said, “The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and they that exercise authority upon them are called benefactors” (Luke 22:25). As is always the case, God’s wisdom is the exact opposite of man’s wisdom, and our Lord was the supreme example of God’s wisdom when it came to authority. He had unquestioned power; as God He could still the wind and waves, heal the sick, raise the dead, and feed the hungry. Yet His entire life down here was one of submission to His Father’s will — a life of sacrifice and service. He never did anything to please Himself, for He could say, “I do always those things that please Him [the Father]” (John 8:29). More than this, He will remain a servant forever, as we see in type in Exodus 21:1-6. Because of His love for His master, His wife, and His children, the Lord Jesus (as typified by the Hebrew servant) had His ear bored through with an awl (which brings before us His death on the cross). As a result, He will remain a man for all eternity and will be a servant forever. When we are taken home to be with Him, we read in Luke 12:37 that “He shall gird Himself, and make them [us] to sit down to meat, and will come forth and serve them.”

All this surely has a voice for men today, in their relationships with their wives and with women in general. God has placed the man in a position of responsibility and authority, but it is through sacrifice that such a position is effectual. The fact that the woman was made from a rib, taken from man’s side, shows in itself that his attitude toward her is to be one of love and protection.

Reasons for Questioning
Authority

We are living in a day when all authority is being questioned, and very often this attitude translates into resentment by women against men, who have all too frequently used their position of headship as an excuse for exercising an aggressive and self-serving version of authority. Instead of the sacrificial and protective attitude that should characterize their relationship with women, there has often been an arrogant and domineering tyranny. At other times men have been just plain thoughtless and self-centered. These things in turn have helped spawn the feminist movement of recent years, in which women have not merely rebelled against men, but also against their God-given nature which is nurturing, adaptive and kind. The assertiveness that is all too often seen among women today has its roots in a rebellion against the suffering that results when men abuse their mandate from God. Did not most of us, in our marriage vows, promise to “cherish”? Are we keeping our vows?

The Care and Protection
of Women

The responsibility of men to care for and protect women is an ancient and deep-seated concept that goes to the heart of what being a man is all about. This was illustrated just over one hundred years ago when the Titanic sank with the loss of more than 1,500 lives. Charles Lightoller was the second officer of the ship, and he was in charge of loading the lifeboats. The story of his experience is very moving:

“Though he initially didn’t think the Titanic would sink, Lightoller was quick to his duties, helping women and children into the ship’s portside lifeboats. He was rigid in policing who got on the boats, enforcing a women-and-children-only standard that later brought him criticism. When a group of men had taken over one of the boats, Lightoller jumped in and chased them out with an unloaded revolver. But his actions aboard the Titanic were focused on saving lives, and not his own skin. Later, the ship’s fate obvious, Lightoller was ordered by a superior to climb into one of the emergency boats, but he refused with a spirited, ‘Not likely.’ ”

(Lightoller did survive, as a series of events caused him to be blasted out of the water and placed near an upturned canvas raft, which he was able to climb upon. His care of the men on it resulted in nearly all of them being rescued the next morning.)

The assertion of this sacrificial male authority, not in serving one’s own ends, but rather in protecting and, if necessary, dying for those under his care, is an example of what Christ-likeness really is. To Charles Lightoller and those like him, the priority of women and children over men in such a situation seemed simply the proper and noble thing to do.

Sacrificial Love

While most of us will not be called upon to give up our lives in this way, yet there is, for every man, the day-to-day sacrifice for his wife and children that is necessary for one who is in a position of leadership. It may mean simply making a cup of coffee and bringing it to your wife, or offering to scrub the pots and pans so that she can relax after dinner. It may mean fixing something around the house, instead of giving in to the temptation to sit and relax. It may mean reading to the children or spending time with them in some other way. It may also mean budgeting the time spent “on the job,” so that those at home feel loved by the presence of the husband and father and his interest in the home life. The constant care for others, in a world that increasingly emphasizes self, is sometimes a burden, but a happy one. When love is the motive, then all sacrifice becomes easier.

We are enjoined, “Be ye therefore imitators of God, as beloved children, and walk in love, even as the Christ loved us, and delivered Himself up for us, an offering and sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savor” (Eph. 5:1 JND). Here we find an even higher motive than that of the good of others — a motive that takes us up to God Himself. When the Lord Jesus offered Himself up as a sweet-smelling savor, He was the true burnt offering — that offering that was for God alone. First and foremost, His obedience was for His Father, and the sweet-smelling savor was, in one sense, independent of His suffering for sin, although the two cannot be really separated. But His willing obedience, even unto death, resulted in that which the heart of God alone could fully appreciate. When Christian men are willing to sacrifice themselves, their motive should not only be for the good of those whom they are given to protect; rather, the example of Christ Himself must be before us, so that we seek to become imitators of Him.

None of us has the strength in himself to do this; it must come from constant dependence on and constant prayer to God Himself. All likeness to Christ must come from Him, but the more we are occupied with Him, the greater will be our likeness to Him. God will give us the grace for it, if we ask Him.

W. J. Prost

When the Spirit of God would teach husbands and wives their respective responsibilities in Ephesians 5, He first brings before them the one great example — Christ and the church. We thus may learn from the greater what the lesser should be. We will never accurately understand the greater by studying the lesser.

“Christ  ...  loved the church, and gave Himself for it” (Eph. 5:25). Can anything compare with the measure of that love? Gave Himself! What depths are here expressed! Could love give more? And that giving of Himself took Him all the way through the agonies of Gethsemane, the forsaking by His own, the denial by Peter, the treachery of Judas, the smiting, the spitting, the mockery, and finally the cruel cross where, in those three hours of darkness, He was made sin for us and, for this reason, was forsaken of a holy God. Well may we exclaim, “The love of Christ, which passeth knowledge,” while at the same time seeking to learn more of it.

This then is the great standard set before husbands: ”Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it.” What Christian man occupying that relationship would not feel his shortcoming here? Nevertheless, this is what the Spirit of God sets before us. And from these verses we learn that Christ not only loved the church in the past (Eph. 5:25), but loves it in the present (Eph. 5:26) and in the future (Eph. 5:27).

The Oneness of
Husbands and Wives

“So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself” (Eph. 5:28). Having already set the perfect example before us, the Spirit of God now says that men should love their wives “as their own bodies,” for the man and his wife are now one, even as Christ and the church are one.

The great Apostle learned the lesson of that oneness, and learned it well, when he was smitten by that great light from heaven on the road to Damascus. He had been persecuting the saints, the church; now the glorified One in heaven let him know that he had been persecuting their glorious Head. ”Why persecutest thou Me?”

What man can say, I love my wife as myself? Are we not more ready to think of our own bodies, their aches and pains, than to think of our wives? “No man ever yet hated his own flesh.” How careful we are to nurse an infected finger! In this way God would teach us something of the measure of the love of Christ to us and show us what we are to represent in this world. The husband is to be a miniature demonstration of Christ by loving his wife as himself and as Christ loved the church.

Oh, the untold unhappiness and mental torture in many homes which are the direct result of the husband’s failure to show becoming love to his wife! All this could be prevented in Christian homes by the husbands grasping the truth of how they are to represent Christ and acting thereon.

Nourish and Cherish

There is one more point mentioned in these verses, namely, the husband is to nourish and cherish his wife “even as the Lord the church.” As Christ is occupied now with nourishing and cherishing the church, so husbands should care for their wives. Theirs is the responsibility of providing nourishment, and that not only in the way of food for the body, but spiritual aliment. This will require diligence on the part of the husband, for how can he give to another that which he does not himself possess?

There is a very happy way in which most matters in the marriage relationship may be resolved. If the husband and the wife both desire to do the Lord’s will and both earnestly seek that will, they will happily be of one mind. The husband is not to assert his authority as something to be wielded because of who he is, but he is to show all loving consideration to his helpmate. If the wife sees in him a spirit of subjection to the Word of God and a true willingness to do whatever it says, it will be much easier for her to be subject, even when her judgment may differ very widely from his.

A young husband once went to a servant of the Lord and asked him to speak to his wife and to tell her that the Word of God says she should be subject to her husband. The faithful and wise servant calmly replied, “The Word of God does not tell you that.” What it said to him was that he was to love his wife as Christ loved the church and as he loved himself. Perhaps there would have been no occasion for speaking to the aged servant of the Lord if the husband had been showing by his conduct the love, the nourishing and the cherishing that were his responsibility.

Headship Responsibility

When disorder and confusion reign in a Christian home, it is generally the head who is at fault. Perhaps he has not been showing the love he should or providing spiritual food for his household, or perhaps he has not exercised his divinely given place of head. It is not a privilege that he has as head; it is a fact, and the responsibility that goes with it should not be shirked. It may be easier, especially if his wife is quite capable, simply to relax and leave all to her. Many wives have gotten out of the place belonging to them simply because their husbands abdicated theirs.

It is really a solemn responsibility that belongs to each husband, and if he fails in fulfilling his part, need we wonder if the structure of the home becomes unstable? When a breakdown occurs, God looks to the responsible head for the reason.

What sorrow Eve would have spared herself if she had referred the serpent to her husband, saying, “He is my head; see him.” Adam too was not without fault; he took the fruit from her and ate it in disobedience. One old writer said, “Adam was not deceived, but he was influenced.” And how subtle the influence sometimes is! Yet the husband is responsible. God took knowledge of the danger of influence in this tender tie of husband and wife when He said, “If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom  ...  which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods  ...  thou shalt not consent  ...  neither shall thine eye pity” (Deut. 13:6,8). Here was a case where the husband might be influenced into idolatry by the wife of his bosom. Solomon was enticed in this very way, and that great and good man fell into idolatry. A wife can have a great influence either for good or evil, “but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised” (Prov. 31:30). May our influence one on another be for good; may we exhort one another daily (Heb. 10:25).

The Early Years of Marriage

Too often the early years of married life are gone through with very little thought as to the relative position of husband and wife, or their respective places and responsibilities. People are apt to coast through those years without seeking out from the Word of God how they should conduct themselves, and in the elapsed time little evil things take root in the home, which bear bitter fruit in after years. Every young married couple should know these things from the beginning and seek grace from God to carry them out. Natural wisdom, human love or the spirit of graciousness will not carry us straight on our course. Love apart from divine guidance may lead us astray, human graciousness may cause us to acquiesce in what we know is wrong, and human wisdom never was a safeguard for a saint of God. Solomon was the wisest man that ever lived, and he played the fool. Why? Simply because he did not do what God told him to do.

Dwelling Together

We might also notice some words of advice to husbands and wives that are to be found in 1 Peter 3. The Spirit of God writing through Peter anticipates the difficulties and trials of the wilderness pathway and gives wholesome words of warning and guidance. God does not want His children to be unhappy, and if we always walked according to His Word we would not be.

In this passage it speaks of dwelling together as husband and wife. This is beautiful in its place, but who does not know that when two people live together so closely and constantly as married people do, they learn each other’s shortcomings and failures? After a time, these might produce little irritations and so produce marital unhappiness.

The husband is here admonished to dwell with his wife “according to knowledge.” This is not the knowledge that puffs up, but that which keeps us little in our own eyes. How important it is for us to remember our own weaknesses and the great grace that has been shown to us, as also our shortcomings in properly displaying Christ in our relations with our wives. The husband is to remember that the wife is the weaker vessel, and his wife is to find shelter at his side. This is what Christ does for the church. The admonition should make the husband seek help and strength from God, for what husband does not secretly know that he is not a tower of strength in himself.

A sobering thought is also injected here; marriage is only for a time. They are joint heirs of “the grace of life.” They are both going on to another scene where Christ their life will be displayed, and even now they possess together the grace that flows from Christ. Such thoughts as these lift their hearts away from this world to Christ and His coming glory.

By giving attention to these things, their prayers will not be hindered. How can two pray together when there is discord or unhappiness between them? And how can they expect answers to their prayers if they are not walking in obedience to God? Who can measure the blessing of husband and wife praying together? It is one of the blessed privileges of dwelling together.

P. Wilson, adapted from
The Institution of Marriage

Some time ago I was in a home when a father asked his little child to shut the door. The response was, “I don’t want to.” “Then poor Dad will have to shut the door himself.” “I don’t care; I just don’t feel like it.” And I saw “poor Dad” get up and shut the door. Uncontrolled at six; a delinquent at sixteen?

I must confess to an immediate urge to have that child for about fifteen minutes, but a more sober reflection brought the realization that it was really the father who needed the discipline.

One of the most dangerous signs of the times is the deterioration of home life, causing a growing disrespect of children for parents and others in authority. In 2 Timothy 3, the Apostle Paul, in describing the last days, accurately tells us where we are now.

The Home Problem

The longer I live and the more I see of the joys and sorrows, the success and failure of this life, the more I am convinced that the home problem is the greatest one which exists today. The home is the center of everything. Whether humble or pretentious, the home provides greater possibilities for joy or sorrow than all the rest of the world. The downfall of many characters can be traced to some defect in the home life, while the loveliest picture earth furnishes is a family going on together, on their way to heaven. We step from the portals of our home into the social, moral and civil world. What we are in the home will be what we are in the assembly and in all fields of life.

When God Himself would found a nation, He made the home life the deciding factor. In choosing Abraham, God said of him, “He will command his children and his household after him” (Gen. 18:19). Here we have two fundamental principles for a successful home — authority and example. Without these you cannot have a happy home, assembly or nation. God’s ideal nation starts with the home, with the father of the home walking in the way of the Lord to do justice and judgment, his children and household following after him.

Anarchy is not born in the streets of New York, Chicago or London; the question of obedience to law is settled in childhood. The child who does not obey his father and mother is not likely to obey social, civil or divine laws. When God said, “Children obey your parents,” He revealed where obedience originates.

Authority

Regarding the matter of authority, we as parents must exercise it in a Christ-like attitude of love. We have seen children driven from home by the stern and harsh application of a father’s authority. Our acts of discipline must be tempered with large doses of love and understanding, just as our Father above has dealt with us. “Whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth” (Heb. 12:6-11).

Authority alone is not sufficient, however. As noted above, a godly example is also required. Are we, as fathers, exhibiting our obedience to the authorities to whom we should be subject — not only the Word of God, but also the civil authorities that He has placed over us? Are we expecting our children to overcome sinful tendencies (such as lying and laziness) that we ourselves have not judged in our own lives?

A Legacy

What kind of legacy are we leaving our children? Our day requires more prayer for grace and wisdom than ever before, for the needed help to bring up our children as trophies of His love. One day soon we shall give God an account as to our stewardship of the children He has entrusted to our care.

We have a beautiful example of a father with his children in looking at the way we, as children of God, are trained and schooled by our all-wise Father. He knew how we would turn out when He chose us before the foundation of the world. There is government in His family, but there is also grace and forgiveness. While the prodigal son was away from home, the father was not sleeping or indifferent to his son’s waywardness. He saw him returning when he was “a great way off” (Luke 15:20). Blessing and joy resulted.

Adapted from Christian Truth

As we have seen in other articles in this issue, God has given us all the instructions we need, as men, to fulfill our duties for His glory and the blessing of others, in this world. In particular, He has shown us how to conduct ourselves as Christian husbands and fathers. Yet how many Christian fathers, like David, have to admit that their houses are not in order before the Lord as they should be. Marital difficulties may come in, and even if the marriage remains happy, how frequently children do not turn out, at least in the spiritual realm, the way we had hoped. Many of us are naturally reluctant to address this issue because of the consciousness of our own failure, yet both the difficulties of these last days and the clear instruction of God’s Word would encourage us to do so. How should we react when we find, as David did, that the condition of his house was not what it should be?

First of all, we must make a difference between children who are still living at home and those who may, as adults, be living on their own, either single or married. God has set up the home as a sphere of authority and responsibility, and God holds every husband and father responsible for the condition of that home. If we as fathers have neglected our responsibilities and allowed disorder or worldliness to characterize our home, we must by all means seek grace to correct it. While it is always good to begin early, yet it is never too late to seek to follow God’s Word and to correct what is wrong.

However, in many cases, the situation may be beyond our direct control, for children may be older and living on their own. I would suggest that there are several things to remember in seeking a right way to deal with such a situation.

Justify God

First of all, we must justify God in all His dealings with us. When Job was tried by the most severe difficulties in his life, including the loss of all his children, he did not understand and found fault with the Lord’s ways with him. Elihu had to remind him that “God will not do wickedly, neither will the Almighty pervert judgment” (Job 34:12). He had to be reminded that instead of finding fault with the Lord, his prayer rather should be, “That which I see not teach Thou me” (Job 34:32). If things go wrong in our families, we may recall what we feel was our faithfulness to the Lord and our efforts to bring up our children for Him, and inwardly we feel that somehow God is unjust. This attitude must be judged at all costs, for “shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?” (Gen. 18:25). We must be willing to follow Peter’s injunction, “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time” (1 Peter 5:6).

Not Blaming Others

Likewise, we must resist the all too common tendency to blame others or a set of adverse circumstances for what has happened. We must remember that there are no second causes with God and that He is able to give us the strength to overcome even the worst of circumstances. Doubtless, in some cases, the failure of others may have contributed, from the human side, to the failures in our children, but we must bear in mind that “every one of us shall give account of himself to God” (Rom. 14:12).

Praying to the Lord

Second, we must get before the Lord about the situation, praying first of all that the Lord might show us why He has allowed the situation. If we submit to the trial and humble ourselves, we will be in a fit state of soul for the Lord to reveal to us what we are to learn from it. There may have been failure, and the Lord may be seeking to draw our attention to it, so that we may deal with it. On the other hand, the Lord may not have allowed the trial primarily because of our failure as parents. He may want to show us how His grace can overcome such failure and how that blessing is only on the ground of that grace. Sometimes the observations and advice of others can be a help, but only the Lord is unfailingly able to show us the lesson he wants to teach us.

It is often under trial that we learn the most and are made the most useful for the Lord, for trial brings us into His presence and makes us dependent on Him, as nothing else can. It is under trial that we learn what a comforter He can be and how He can use us as a blessing to others under the most trying of circumstances. It is in difficult circumstances that we walk in the steps of the Master.

Our Children

Third, we should go to the Lord in prayer for our children. He loves them more than we do, wants to bless them, and is able to work in their lives to bring it about. When we go “by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving” and make our requests to the Lord, we will find that “the peace of God, which passeth all understanding” will keep our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. To be sure, the sorrow and heartache continues to be there, and rightly so, but when we take it to the Lord, He gives us peace. When we have truly humbled ourselves “under the mighty hand of God,” we are in a right state of soul for “casting all your care upon Him” (1 Peter 5:7).

The Grace of God

Fourth, we must realize, as David did, that any blessing in our families is ultimately due to the grace of God and not to our own efforts. We as fathers are exhorted to bring our children up “in the discipline and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4 JND), and this means, in the words of another, “Discipline will apply rather to the whole course of training or education; admonition implies constant watchfulness in order to warn against dangers, forgetfulness or departure from the path into which they are being led.” While we as fathers may seek to do this, yet we have to look on, as David did, to that “morning without clouds,” when all will be accomplished in Christ and not by us. There has been failure connected with everything God has committed to man, and we as fathers are no exception. In Christ all will be in perfection, in that day. Failure in our families, as well as in the house of God, causes us more to long for the Lord’s coming and keeps us from being too content down here.

The Final Chapter

Finally, we must remember that as long as we are here in this world, the final chapter of our lives has not been written. Second Samuel 23:5 could read, in part, “For all my salvation and all good pleasure, would He not make them to grow?” (See the footnote in the JND translation.) While this no doubt has a reference to that “morning without clouds,” yet God delights to bless and to do “exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think” (Eph. 3:20). Even in this life, God may well turn things around for our families — “make them to grow” down here in this world. Again quoting Elihu in his speech to Job, “Although thou sayest thou dost not see Him, judgment is before Him, therefore wait for Him (Job 35:14 JND). Let us submit to His ways with us, learn the lessons He has for us, and trust Him to bring blessing out of all that He allows in our lives, for “we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

W. J. Prost

Oh, happy house! where Thou art loved the best,
O Lord, so full of love and grace;
Where never comes such welcome, honored Guest;
Where none can ever fill Thy place;
Where every heart goes forth to meet Thee;
Where every ear attends Thy word;
Where every lip with blessing greets Thee;
Where all are waiting on their Lord.

Oh, happy house! where man and wife in heart,
In faith, and love, and hope are one;
Where Christ the center is, not just a part
Of holy union here begun;
Where both are sharing one salvation,
And live before Thee, Lord, always,
In gladness or in tribulation,
In happy or in evil days.

Oh, happy house! whose little ones are given
Early to Thee in faith and prayer —
To Thee, their Lord, who from the heights of heaven
Guards them with more than mother’s care;
Oh, happy house! where little voices
Their glad thanksgivings love to raise,
And childhood’s lisping tongue rejoices
To bring new songs of love and praise.

Oh, happy house! where Thou art not forgot
When joy is flowing full and free;
Oh, happy house! where every wound is brought
Physician, Comforter — to Thee;
Until at last, earth’s day’s work ended,
All meet Thee in that home above,
From whence Thou came; art now ascended —
Thy heaven of glory and of love!

Spitta, adapted from a German poem