As to dear———, you must not expect him to stay long in a place: he wins affections, and makes his way much among many minds, but he attaches himself to this, looks to it too much, and consequently does not last in a place for that comes only from attaching oneself to and leaning upon God only. Alas! feeble is he who even unconsciously leans upon man. Were I here to lean on man (indeed I cannot, it has helped to teach me not), I should be miserable enough. I am happy here, and I trust very quiet in the Lord, but were I to look around, I should be dismayed and confounded; error in those who lead, and nothing to hold a feeble heart up against it in any quarter, and I, speaking as a man, a stranger, and thrown all at once into the midst of it all. But the Lord knows the end from the beginning, and how He deals with His church.
I had broken up from Geneva, where, through the Lord's mercy, though in all possible weakness, I had a share more or less in all the happy work and intercourse of the place, such as the poor church of God affords to feeble faith now, and was pleasing myself—I hope not after the flesh—that I should soon turn my face towards my old work in England, and what God in His goodness has prepared for me there, and indeed, I long much, the Lord knows, to be on my way thither, or rather at work there; when I find myself suddenly arrested in my course, by what is purely a trial of faith, where, speaking as a man, if blessing I should have no thanks, and another in whom I have no full confidence, though I trust I am mistaken, would externally step into the fruit, and where the canker, through human affection and ignorance and want of faithfulness, has eaten so wide and deep, that as a human judgment it is pure faith—and with the form of good and holiness, when it was so wanting, that the claim justifies itself in almost all consciences; and I turn into a lodging alone to-morrow, knowing none here but those who now are almost all a weight, and that I have a sort of responsibility for drawing after me. But this is all well: it is my lot, and I bless God with all my soul for it too: and in this sense, little it may be to suffer for Him, only may I be faithful. Probably, almost ere this reach you, something will have manifested itself as to the position of things here, and the Lord, I trust, will give His showers and more blessing than before. I feel happily stayed on Him as to the conscience of my position. All the pastors of the so-called churches—I abhor the name now—stood aloof, and let the wolf do what he might. As I said, did I not lean on the Lord, my heart would sink within me, and I should be ready to say, am not I wrong thus to care for them all, instead of letting them all ruin themselves? You have no idea of the patience which this country demands; there was plenty to try sometimes in England, but it was play compared to this.... However, I hope soon to be free, and to wend my way towards work where my heart a good deal is. The brethren of Geneva I left in much peace, and did I seek only acceptance for myself, could rest, for which I thank them much in the Lord, with abundant satisfaction there, for they cherished and followed on my ministry much, and I trust with blessing. Certainly they seem very happy; indeed, they wanted me to take up my quarters there.
I had a meeting when some came, last night, and the brother of the minister who had led them in error came; he had been, in fact, turned off a la dissidence four years ago, and is still much valued by many; so that this apparently throws a light, and in one sense a darkness, as to the position I am in here.... But I find a little simplicity goes a great way, and finds no knots, where men have tied a hundred—if God is there.
I did hear of dear J. F., one who was much loved, and whom I had well known and daily more, and valued much. Many as myself will feel his loss, but thus it is they daily pass upward, while we wait to serve on till He come. I must close.
Ever in affection.
Lausanne,
March 23rd, 1840.