It often happens, when God is exercising a soul, that He revives it a little; then it falls back again into a dejected state: just as a man who is in danger of drowning rises to the surface and takes breath, without which he would perish, and then sinks again, for he is not yet on firm ground where he can breathe naturally. So God gives the soul what revives it and it falls back again, until the work is thoroughly done. When the soul is really delivered, it does not think of its condition, save to judge itself when that is necessary—a very important thing in its place. When the prodigal son found his father, he had not to think whether he would be received or not, nor about his condition, nor whether he was deceiving himself in thinking that he was on the right road. On the way, such questions might well arise; but, once with the father, he had only to think of what the father really was for him, and the way of the father's acting showed this: so we hear no more of the prodigal son, but of the father, and of what he did.
Those who speak of the sixth and tenth chapters of the Epistle to the Hebrews certainly are not delivered; only in these cases they have, in general, exposed themselves to Satan in a positive way. I do not believe that when people have really got out of Rom. 7 they get back into it. One may have truly received forgiveness of sins and had joy; but self is not known, and it is necessary to know oneself to be delivered. People are often deceived on this point. The joy was well-founded, but it was not deliverance: this joy flows from the forgiveness of sins and not from deliverance from sin. The Epistle to the Romans up to the eleventh verse of chapter v. speaks of the former; from the twelfth verse of chapter v. to the end of chapter 8, of the latter.
Having spoken of the joy of forgiveness which you experienced, after having acknowledged everything, God permitted the depression that you might know that there was another work to be done. You are easily elated, and you have lived rather too much on feeling. Now, you must experience what the presence of God means. It is not that your joy was not real and true, but there is another work to be done. Even if some are hard towards you, God uses it for your good. I do not question your sincerity nor your salvation; but God would have us not only say, "We must all be manifested before the judgment seat of Christ," but add, "I am manifested to God." Be much before Him.
I repeat that I do not believe that a person gets back again into the experience of Rom. 7 when he has got out of it; but you are only getting into it. I do not at all desire that you should doubt your salvation. It may be that the shield of faith falls after one has got out of Rom. 7; it is not then a question to be resolved—it is almost despair. But the difference between the condition of Rom. 7 and christian liberty is, that in the former case the person has drawn the conclusion from what he is to what God will be, in the latter, having a real experimental knowledge of himself, and having learned, consciously, that in us good does not exist, we understand—first, that we depend upon what God is; and then that, being dead to sin, fully condemned in the death of Christ, we are in Him before God; then, Christ being in us, we hold ourselves for dead, and the power of the Spirit of life enables us to realize this. (Cf. Col. 3:3; Rom. 6:6-11, and 2 Cor. 4:10.) You are not yet there, but God is working in you to bring you there. The outward humiliation was needful for you, and you must remember that. But in every case, the inward work must be done. The conflict will go on to the end, though there may be much more rest towards the end: but, until we are delivered, sin has dominion over us; when we are, Christ is our strength. Constant dependence and watchfulness are necessary; we must watch and pray lest we enter into temptation; but then, instead of sin having dominion over us, the strength of the Lord is there.
May God keep you close to Himself! Do not shrink from it, if He probes your heart; He does it to do you good at the end.
It is His infinite grace when, in spite of everything, He continues to occupy Himself constantly about us.
Yours affectionately in Christ.
Zurich,
June 11Th, 1878.