"And He answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?.. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
" They say unto Him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so."-MATT. 19:4-8.
An old proverb says, " Marriages are made in heaven," and in a certain sense I believe it to be true; I.mean in the sense of the preceding words-namely, that husband and wife being one flesh is of Divine ordaining, and their oneness is a oneness of God's own making. " What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."
What then is marriage? I believe that but comparatively few are rightly instructed concerning it, and that many enter into and continue in the state without ever having understood its Divine origin, or sought Divine sanction.
In the majority of minds the bond of marriage depends on a legal ceremony of some kind or another, performed in what is called a place of worship, a registrar's office, or other lawfully appointed place. Their thoughts rise no higher than this. Connect ed with this legal act, there is often, indeed almost generally, the desire for a religious act; hence the preference shown by most persons for marriage in a " church." But if we search God's Word, where truth alone is to be found, whether concerning things eternal or things temporal, we learn that marriage in His thoughts depends not either upon a legal or a religious observance. " He which made them in the beginning " (" the beginning," when there was neither legal nor religious ceremony known), " He which made them in the beginning, made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh." That is, Be which in the beginning made them two, namely male and female, ordained that in their union they should become one, and that for this cause (because of this new oneness, which He had made out of twain), a man shall leave father and mother,-that is, he shall forsake the nearest and closest of existing natural ties, -and cleave to that new tie, that other, who is now made one with himself-" his own flesh " (Eph. 5:29). Then, adds the Lord Jesus to those who raised the question, " What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."
" What God hath joined together." Is not this then something more than a legal or religious ceremonial? Surely it is. It is a mystery, but withal it is God's truth, and not all the sin, nor all the confusion which sin has brought into this most solemn and sacred subject, can alter the fact, that the man and the woman who mutually agree and consent to live together, are in the sight of God " one flesh," joined together by God's own ordinance; and of such and to such it is said, " Let not man put asunder."
But it will perhaps be asked, Are the legal or religious ceremonies then to be put aside, for you speak as if they were unnecessary? No, I answer, by no means; but we must give them their right places. Neither legal nor religious ceremony makes marriage as before God, but, like Moses' bill of divorcement, legal marriage is necessary because of the hardness of men's hearts.
The laws of men are necessary because of man's natural lawlessness and sin. So the law of every country as to marriage is needful because of the lawlessness of man, and his utter ignorance of, or disobedience to the ordained and revealed will of God upon the subject.
The law, therefore, says that unless the man and woman appear before a legally appointed authority, and witnesses, and declare their consent, which act is then and there registered, their union is not marriage, but sin.
The Christian, therefore, who is subject to the powers that be, and owns that they are " ordained of God," gladly on his part complies with the law of the land in which he dwells, and conforms to whatever rule the law requires of him to render his marriage valid in the sight of man; but for all that, he must know that mere legal compliance will not suffice as before God, however needful it may be as subjection to man's ordinance for the Lord's sake.
I say the legal ceremony will not suffice before God, and I say so for the following reason. What the law joins together, the law can put asunder. A legal marriage can be legally dissolved. The law tolerates divorce. It does not profess to rise to the Divine standard. It says to the man and the woman, " If you mutually desire it. I will bind you legally, and give you certain legal rights as married; and if you disagree, I will, under certain conditions, loose you again, and you shall be free. If you then desire to re-marry, I will bind you again, and it shall be all legal ' from beginning to end." The law does not, cannot own that God has joined together, and that even though sin may outwardly separate, the Divine decree remains unchanged,-they whom He has joined are inseparably " one flesh."
The law does not profess to dissolve the relationship of parent and child; but -ignorant of the Divine ordinance of marriage, it professes to dissolve the relationship of husband and wife, which God has put on higher grounds than the former. It is evident, therefore, that the legal idea of marriage comes short of the requirements of God, for If e who is above all law says, " What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder," and He then explains that the divorce permitted by Moses was not so " from the beginning," was a thing tolerated because of the hardness of heart of the children of Israel. That is, they were so carnal that divorce was permitted, to avoid worse evils.
The Lord Jesus, however, does not confirm the permission of Moses; and thus to those who are under grace, to Christians in fact, as distinguished from Israelites under law, there is no toleration for divorce. The workings of the flesh and the hardness of the heart are not legalized or consented to, but are to be judged, and all their fruits condemned and mortified; but nevertheless Paul is permitted to say, " Let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband " (1 Cor. 7:2). Blessed permission of a gracious God who knoweth the frames, the necessities of His poor creatures, who cares for their joys and for their sorrows, and who says still, " It is not good for the man to be alone." (Compare Gen. 2:18; John 17:11; Eph. 5:25-33.)
What, then, is required of those who desire to marry? I write more especially for Christians, for those who know and believe the love of God in Christ, who take His name, and who thus through grace are able to know and do His will.
Firstly, let us remember (even if it humble us) that though marriage is good and blessed, yet to be unmarried, free for God and Christ, is better (1 Cor. 7:1,7,8,27,29). To walk in the Spirit, above the claims and affections of nature in this matter, is a higher path than to follow nature: " But every man hath his proper gift of God, and if thou marry thou hast not sinned " (1 Cor. 7), and the Lord Himself says, " All men cannot receive this saying " Matt. 19:11).
If, then, marriage is your desire, seek to know the mind of God concerning it (and this is equally needed by those who are already united). Do not measure marriage by man's standard, nor limit it to what is often called by its name in an evil world. Remember that the union of those whose hearts are leading them, or have led them together, is inseparable. God made the woman for the man, and yet neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man in the Lord (1 Cor. 11:9-11). He made them the one for the other, and being joined they are one in the flesh, even as it is true " in the Lord," and none can separate. Never mind what sin has done, or is doing in this evil world, but hold fast what God says about it, not only in the institution, but in " the great mystery," the type of human marriage: " I speak concerning Christ and the Church " (Eph. 5:32). There in that wondrous mystery, the union of Christ and His bride -the two made one-is seen the thought of God concerning the union of man and wife, of whom He says, " Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh." N one can separate that which God hath joined together in Christ, and let none put asunder those whom God hath made one in flesh.
And, next, as to your individual case. There should be, surely, perfect conviction before God and before one another that the proposed step is according to His will. It is greatly to be feared that many enter on marriage without any such conviction, or any dealings with God about the matter. The motives are often low and altogether unworthy of the Christian’s calling, or such as should dictate his acts. To ensure a good and peaceful conscience before God, and an ordinary prospect of mutual happiness together, neither party should have a shadow of doubt that the person of their choice is the only person to whom they could be united, and that it is the will of God distinctly that such union should take place. Some have said that this is rare, and the standard is too high; but is it too much to ask the Christian never to act in doubt before God, and above all in a step which, if any step can, may make for or mar his fellowship with God all through his earthly path? If then there be a doubt, wait patiently until the Lord resolves it.
Then as to the outward form of marriage to be observed. I doubt not that in this the Christian's path is clear. God's word says, " Submit yourself to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake " (1 Peter 2:13); " Abstain from all appearance of evil" (1 Thess. 5:22); and to such words he bows. The law of man requires an outward observance, and it must be observed. But amidst the confusion and variety which arises from the self-will of man, who does that which is good in his own eyes, the Christian needs discernment, lest while following the letter, he fails in the spirit.
It has been already shown that the legal standard of marriage falls far short of the Divine thought; and yet the world, and Christians in the world, for the most part desire to combine a religious with a legal observance, thus placing them on an equal footing as to the bond they form. Hence the large preference which is shown for marriages in so-called " places of worship," in which, though the religious element predominates, yet the law recognizes the act and registration there as " legal." But herein is sad confusion. The religious act or ceremony is professedly the seeking for Divine sanction and blessing on the marriage. Professing Christians prefer marriage by a " minister of religion," for this reason; they profess, and many sincerely desire to ask the blessing and sanction of God on their act. But the ceremony in such places constitutes, by law, a legal marriage, and we have seen that what the law binds it can also loose. Is it right, therefore, to seek the Divine sanction on marriage, in an act which comes quite short of the Divine ordinance? Can we, if we think of it, honestly come into the presence of Him who says, " Let not man put asunder," in a form or ceremony, which can be undone or dissolved? Surely we cannot, and thus the ordinary combination of the legal and religious ceremony in one act, only proves what I said at the first, that the Divine thought of marriage is but little understood; and moreover, that in a. day of professing Christianity, marriage law is still based upon the standard and permission of Moses, as adapted for the people of Israel, and is not founded upon what " God made in the beginning," " and SAID," and confirmed by the lips of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Christians-believers who know God in Christ, who bow to His word, and who desire to be in communion with His thoughts, and to own His will in all things -ought not then to approach Him in that which is confessedly short of His requirements, but in any religious act in which they seek His blessing and sanction on their marriage, they should do so in spirit and in truth.
They should bear in mind the distinction as to marriage in the laws of men and in the ordinance of God, and then give to each the recognition which is due.
If man's law requires a certain observance, observe it. If God claims a higher motive and acknowledgment, render them to Him.
And in the land in which we live, the Lord has in His goodness made the path for faith and conscience very easy. The Christian in this country can satisfy the claims of man's law, without being compelled to combine with it a religious element distressing to the conscience; for the law of England permits the registry of marriages apart from any religious ceremony whatever.
It may then perhaps be asked, What more then is necessary? If the motive is pure, and the marriage has been legally registered, that may suffice.
But I would answer, though it may suffice for a worldling, or for the one who gladly avails himself of the registry office, to evade anything like religious form or profession (as many do in this age of growing infidelity), it is not enough for the Christian, who should desire the prayers and fellowship of fellow-believers, in seeking the blessing and sanction of God upon his marriage. And for this end, how blessed and real a thing, after having complied with the law's demands, to assemble with those " who call on the Lord out of a pure heart " (2 Tim. 2:22), and seeking their prayers and fellowship in the marriage, solemnly confess before them and to God, that in it His own institution is owned and recognized, that those whom He joins together may not be put asunder.
It has been truly said by a servant of God, that the Church of God claims a higher confession from the believer in his marriage than the law of man. The Church has a right to ask, and to expect, that the believer shall enter upon marriage on higher grounds than mere outward conformity to a legal observance; and more than this, the assembly with which remains the presence of Christ and of His Spirit, must judge, and may even withhold its sanction and fellowship in any doubtful case which may come before it, for it is evident that there might be marriage which, though legal, the assembly could not sanction, and on account of which communion at the table of the Lord might be withheld from those contracting it.
Hence the propriety of separating the two acts, conformity to the law, and the seeking blessing from God in the presence of His people.
I would now briefly recapitulate the points which I have sought to press.
1. Marriage rightly undertaken is sanctioned by God.
2. That what He sanctions and joins together, man may not separate.
3. That though sin has brought in confusion, the Divine thought of marriage has not been thereby changed, nor the facts altered.
4. That what man joins together, man can and does separate.
5. That conformity to man's law as to marriage, does not by itself satisfy the Divine requirement.
6. That nevertheless man's ordinance must be observed for the Lord's sake.
7. That having conformed to man's law, it is good and blessed to own before God and His people, His higher claims and standard, and to seek His blessing and sanction, and their fellowship, prayers, and testimony in connection with marriage so entered into.
Finally, may all whose hearts are exercised about the marriage state, look to God and to the word of His grace for guidance upon the subject. It is more fully entered into in the Word of God than any other of our natural relationships. In type and in substance it is constantly referred to, and good it is for the present peace and happiness of husband and wife, when their affections, their relationship, and all their,mutual claims and duties, are founded on this sure and eternal guide.