“And every power was used, and every art,
To bend to falsehood one determined heart,
Assailed, in patience it received the shock,
Soft as the wave, unbroken as the rock.”
CRABBE.
WHAT are you doing, my father?" Carlos asked one morning.
Don Juan had produced from some private receptacle a small ink-horn, and was moistening its long-dried contents with water.
“I was thinking that I should like to write down somewhat," he said.
“But whereto will ink serve us without pen and paper?”
The penitent smiled; and presently pulled out from within his pallet a little faded writing-book, and a pen that looked—what it was—more than twenty years old.
“Long ago," he said, "I used to be weary, weary of sitting idle all the day; so I bribed one of the lay brothers with my last ducat to bring me this, only that I might set down therein whatever happened, for pastime.”
“May I read it, my father?”
“And welcome, if thou wilt;" and he gave the book into the hand of his son." At first, as you see, there be many things written therein. I cannot tell what they are now; I have for gotten them all; —but I suppose I thought them, or felt them—once. Or sometimes the brethren would come to visit me, and talk, and afterward I would write what they said. But by degrees I set down less and less in it. Many days passed in which I wrote nothing, because nothing was to write. Nothing ever happened.”
Carlos was soon absorbed in the perusal of the little book. The records of his father's earlier prison life he scanned with great interest and with deep emotion; but coming rather suddenly upon the last entry, he could not forbear a smile. He read aloud:
“‘A feast day. Had a capon for dinner, and a measure of red wine.'”
“Did I not judge well," asked the father, "that it was time to give over writing, when I could stoop low enough to record such trifles 7 Yes; I think I can recall the bitterness of heart with which I laid the book aside. I despised myself for what I wrote therein; and yet I had nothing else to write-would never have anything else, I thought. But now God has given me my son. I will write that down.”
Looking up, after a little while, from his self-imposed task, he asked, with an air of perplexity,—
“But when was it? How long is it since you came here, Carlos?”
Carlos in his turn was perplexed. The quiet days had glided on swiftly and noiselessly, leaving no trace behind.
“To me it seems to have been all one long Sabbath," he said. "But let me think. The summer heats had not come; I suppose it must have been March or April—April, perhaps. I remember thinking I had been just two years in prison.”
“And now it is growing cool again. I suppose it may have been four months-six months ago. What think you?”
Carlos thought it nearer the latter period than the former.
“I believe we have been visited six times by the brethren," he said. "No; only five times.”
These visits of inspection had been made by command of the prior-himself absent from Seville on important business during most of the time—and the result had been duly reported to him. The monks to whom the duty had been deputed were aged and respectable members of the community; in fact, the only persons in the monastery who were acquainted with Don Juan's real name end history. It was their opinion that matters were progressing favorably with the prisoners. They found the penitent as usual—docile, obedient, submissive, only more inclined to converse than formerly; and they thought the young man very gentle and courteous, grateful for the smallest kindness, and ready to listen attentively, and with apparent interest, to everything that was said.
For more definite results the prior was content to wait: he had great faith in waiting. Still, even to him six months seemed long enough for the experiment he was trying. At the end of that time—which happened to be the day after the conversation just related—he himself made a visit to the prisoners.
Both most warmly expressed their gratitude for the singular grace he had shown them. Carlos, whose health had greatly improved, said that he had not dreamed so much earthly happiness could remain for him still.
“Then, my son," said the prior, "give evidence of thy gratitude in the only way possible to thee, or acceptable to me. Do not reject the mercy still offered thee by Holy Church Ask for reconciliation.”
“My lord," replied Carlos, firmly, "I can but repeat what I told you six months agone—that is impossible.”
The prior argued, expostulated, threatened—in vain. At length he reminded Carlos that he was already condemned to death—the death of fire; and that he was now putting from him his last chance of mercy. But when he still remained steadfast, he turned away from him with an air of deep disappointment, though more in sorrow than in anger, as one pained by keen and unexpected ingratitude.
“I speak to thee no more," he said. "I believe there is in thy father's heart some little spark, not only of natural feeling hut of the grace of God. I address myself to him.”
Whether Don Juan had never fully comprehended the statement of Carlos that he was under sentence of death, or whether the tide of emotion caused by finding in him his own son had swept the terrible fact from his remembrance, it is impossible to say; but it certainly came to him, from the lips of the prior, as a dreadful, unexpected blow. So keen was his anguish that Fray Ricardo himself was moved; and the rather, because it was impossible to the aged and broken man to maintain the outward self-restraint a younger and stronger person might have done.
More touched, at the moment, by his father's condition than by all the horrors that menaced himself, Carlos came to his side, and gently tried to soothe him.
“Cease!" said the prior, sternly. "It is but mockery to pretend sympathy with the sorrow thine own obstinacy has caused. If in truth thou lovest him, save him this cruel pain. For three days still," he added, "the door of grace shall stand open to thee. After that term has expired, I dare not promise thy life." Then turning to the agitated father—"If you can make this unhappy youth hear the voice of divine and human compassion," he said, "you will save both his body and his soul alive. You know how to send me a message. God comfort you, and incline his heart to repentance." And with these words he departed, leaving Carlos to undergo the sharpest trial that had come upon him since his imprisonment.
All that day, and the greater part of the night that followed it, the two wills strove together. Prayers, tears, entreaties, seemed to the agonized father to fall on the strong heart of his son like drops of rain on the rock. He did not know that all the time they were falling on that heart like sparks of living tire; for Carlos, once so weak, had learned now to endure pain both of mind and body, with brow and lip that "gave no sign." Passing tender was the love that had sprung up between those two, so strangely brought together. And now Carlos, by his own act, must sever that sweet bond—must leave his newly-found father in a solitude doubly terrible, where the feeble lamp of his life would soon go out in obscure darkness. Was not this bitterness enough, without the anguish of seeing that father bow his white head before him, and teach his aged lips words of broken, passionate entreaty that his son—his one earthly treasure—would not forsake him thus 'I “My father," Carlos said at last, as they sat together in the moonlight, for their light had gone out unheeded—"my father, you have often told me that my face is like my mother's.”
“Ay de mi!" moaned the penitent—"and truly it is. Is that why it must leave me as hers did? Ay de mi, Costanza mía Ay de mi, my son!”
“Father, tell me, I pray you, to escape what anguish of mind or body would you set your seal to a falsehood told to her dishonor?”
“Boy, how can you ask? Never!—nothing could force me to that" And from the faded eye there shot a gleam almost like the fire of old days.
“Father, there is One I love better than ever you loved her. Not to save myself; not even to save you, from this bitter pain, can I deny him or dishonor his name. Father, I cannot!—Though this is worse than the torture," he added.
The anguish of the last words pierced to the very core of the old man's heart. He said no more; but he covered his face, and wept long and passionately, as a man weeps whose heart is broken, and who has no longer any power left him to struggle against his doom.
Their last meal lay untasted. Some wine had formed part of it; and this Carlos now brought, and, with a few gentle, loving words, offered to his father. Don Juan put it aside, but drew his son closer, and looked at him in the moonlight long and earnestly.
“How can I give thee up?" he murmured.
As Carlos tried to return his gaze, it flashed for the first time across his mind that his father was changed. He looked older, feebler, more wan than he had done at his coming. Was the newly-awakened spirit wearing out the body? He said,—
“It may be, my father, that God will not call you to the trial. Perhaps months may elapse before they arrange another Auto.”
How calmly he could speak of it;—for he had forgotten himself. Courage, with him, always had its root in self-forgetting love.
Don Juan caught at the gleam of hope, though not exactly as Carlos intended. "Ay, truly," he said, "many things may happen before then.”
“And nothing can happen save at the will of Him who loves and cares for us. Let us trust him, my beloved father. He will not allow us to be tempted above that we are able to bear. For he is good—oh, how good!—to the soul that seeketh him. Long ago I believed that; but since he has honored me to suffer for him, once and again have I proved it true, true as life or death. Father, I once thought the strongest thing on earth—that which reached deepest into our nature—was pain. But I have lived to learn that his love is stronger, his peace is deeper, than all pain.”
With many such words—words of faith, and hope, and tenderness—did he soothe his weary, broken-hearted father. And at last, though not till towards morning, he succeeded in inducing him to lie down and seek the rest he so sorely needed.
Then came his own hour; the hour of bitter, lonely conflict. He had grown accustomed to the thought, to the expectation, of a silent, peaceful death within the prison walls. He had hoped, nay, certainly believed, that in the slow hours of some quiet day or night, undistinguished from other days and nights, God's messenger would steal noiselessly to his gloomy cell, and heart and brain would thrill with rapture at the summons, " The Master calleth thee.”
Now, indeed, it was true that the Master called him. But lie called him to go to Him through the scornful gaze of ten thousand eyes; through reproach, and shame, and mockery; the hideous zamarra and carroza; the long agony of the Auto, spun out from daybreak till midnight; and, last of all, through the torture of the doom of fire. How could he bear it I Sharp were the pangs of fear that wrung his heart, and dread was the struggle that followed It was over at last. Raising to the cold moonlight a steadfast though sorrowful face, Carlos murmured audibly, "What time I am afraid I will put my trust in thee. Lord, I am ready to go with thee, whithersoever thou wilt; only—with thee.”
He woke, late the following morning, from the sleep of exhaustion to the painful consciousness of something terrible to come upon him. But he was soon roused from thoughts of self by see ing his father kneel before the crucifix, not quietly reciting his appointed penance, but uttering broken words of prayer and lamentation, accompanied by bitter weeping. As far as he could gather, the burden of the cry was this, "God help me! God forgive me! I have lost it!" Over and over again did he moan those piteous words, "I have lost it!" as if they were the burden of some dreary song. They seemed to contain the sum of all his sorrow.
Carlos, yearning to comfort him, still did not feel that he could interrupt him then. He waited quietly until they were both ready for their usual reading or repetition of Scripture; for Carlos, every morning, either read from the Book of Hours to his father, or recited passages from memory, as suited his inclination at the time.
He knew all the Gospel of John by heart. And this day he began with those blessed words, dear in all ages to the tried and sorrowing, "Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." He continued without pause to the close of the sixteenth chapter, "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
Then once more Don Juan uttered that cry of bitter pain,
"Ay de mi! I have lost it!”
Carlos thought he understood him now. "Lost that peace, my father?" he questioned gently.
The old man bowed his head sorrowfully.
“But it is in Him. In me ye might have peace.' And Him you have," said Carlos.
Don Juan drew his hand across his brow, was silent for a few moments, then said slowly, "I will try to tell you how it is with me. There is one thing I could do, even yet; one path left open to my footsteps in which none could part us.—What hinders my refusing to perform my penance, and boldly taking my stand beside thee, Carlos?”
Carlos started, flushed, grew pale again with emotion. He had not dreamed of this, and his heart shrank from it in terror. "My beloved father!" he exclaimed in a trembling voice.
"But no—God has not called you. Each one of us must wait to see his guiding hand.”
“Once I could have done it bravely, nay, joyfully," said the penitent. "Not now." And there was a silence.
At last Don Juan resumed, "My boy, thy courage shames my weakness. What hast thou seen, what dost thou see, that makes this thing possible to thee?”
“My father knows. I see Him who died for me, who rose again for me, who lives at the right hand of God to intercede for me.”
"For me?”
"Yes; it is this thought that gives strength and peace.”
“Peace—which I have lost forever.”
“Not forever, my honored father. No; you are his, and of such it is written, ‘Neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.' Though your tired hand has relaxed its grasp of him, his has never ceased to hold you, and never can cease.”
“I was at peace and happy long ago, when I believed, as Don Rodrigo said, that I was justified by faith in him.”
“Once justified, justified forever," said Carlos.
“Don Rodrigo used to say so too, but—I cannot understand it now," and a look of perplexity passed over his face.
Carlos spoke more simply. "No! Then come to him now, my father, just as if you had never come before. You may not know that you are justified; you know well that you are weary and heavy laden. And to such he says, ' Come. He says it with outstretched arms, with a heart full of love and tenderness. He is as willing to save you from sin and sorrow as you are this hour to save me from pain and death. Only, you cannot, and he can.”
“Come—that is—believe?”
“It is believe, and more. Come, as your heart came out to me, and mine to you, when we knew the great bond between us. But with far stronger trust and deeper love; for he is more than son or father. He fulfills all relationships, satisfies all wants.”
“But then, what of those long years in which I forgot him?"
"They were but adding to the sum of sin; sin that he has pardoned, has washed away forever in his blood.”
At that point the conversation dropped, and days passed ere it was renewed. Don Juan was unusually silent; very tender to his son, making no complaint, but often weeping quietly Carlos thought it best to leave God to deal with him directly, so he only prayed for him and with him, repeated precious Scripture words, and sometimes sang to him the psalms and hymns of the Church.
But one evening, to the affectionate "Good-night" always exchanged by the son and father with the sense that many more might not be left to them, Don Juan added, "Rejoice with me, my son; for I think that I have found again the thing that I lost—
'El Dorado Ye hé trovado." ”