In Sorrow

 •  13 min. read  •  grade level: 7
 
"It is Thy hand, my God!
My sorrow comes from Thee:
I bow beneath Thy chastening rod—
'Tis love that bruises me.
"I would not murmur, Lord;
Before Thee I am dumb,
Lest I should breathe one murm’ring word;
To Thee for help I come.
"My God, Thy name is love,
A Father's hand is Thine;
With tearful eyes I look above,
And cry Thy will be mine
"I know Thy will is right,
Though it may seem severe;
Thy path is still unsullied light,
Though dark it oft appear.
"Jesus for me hath died,
Thy Son Thou didst not spare;
His pierced hands, His bleeding side,
Thy love for me declare.
"Here my poor heart can rest,
My God, it cleaves to Thee;
Thy will is love, Thine end is blest,
All work for good to me.”
The words he has underlined skew what has been passing in his heart with reference to the subjection of his will to God. This has been so marked throughout his illness, as it was formerly when he suffered the loss of his eye. He has said to me, over and over again, "If it be God's will, Papa.”
There are two or three other hymns which I find marked, skewing the ground of his assurance before God, which is so simple, so entirely upon Christ, and therefore so abiding.
In Hymn 192., part 1., he has underlined—
"How can there be one holy thought,
Save by the Holy Spirit wrought?
How can the sinner's heart be clean,
Except the blood of Christ be seen?”
This was the truth which Augustus was so remarkably taught by the Holy Spirit, as the simple, only ground of his peace with God. Many a child of God goes on his way sorrowful, weighed down by his doubts and fears, because he substitutes the work of the Spirit of God in him as the ground of his confidence, for the full, finished, perfect, and accepted sacrifice of Christ for him. Now, God has said, "The blood shall be to you for a token; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you." Exon. 12:13. Faith keeps the sprinkling of the blood. That which God's eye can rest upon is the only sure token for our souls; the blood, the precious blood of Christ, the Lamb of God without blemish amid without spot. It is to this the Holy Spirit witnesses—"By one offering, he hath perfected forever them that are sanctified." HEB. 10:1414For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified. (Hebrews 10:14). This was "the beginning of his confidence," and this Augustus was enabled through grace to "hold fast steadfast unto the end.”
The secret of his strength was the knowledge of his own weakness, and of the sufficiency of Jesus. He has marked that sweet Hymn of Watts, 41., part 2.
"Let me but hear my Savior say
Strength shall be equal to thy day;
I can rejoice in deep distress,
Leaning on all sufficient grace.
"I'll glory in infirmity,
That Thine own power may rest on me,
When I am weak, then I am strong,
Thou art my shield, my strength, and song.”
He marked another hymn which expressed the desire of his heart some little time ago, that this affliction might be so sanctified to his soul, that he might recover to bear more fruit to God's glory. Hymn 9., part 2
"Jesus, take this faithless heart,
Give it, Lord, Thy peace and joy;
Richer, fuller grace impart,
All its worthless dross destroy;
Purge it, Savior, till it bear
Fruit more worthy of Thy care.”
This so accorded with what he said to me at an early period of his illness, when I asked him if he wished to recover: "Yes, Papa, that I might bear move fruit.”
He has marked the 98th Hymn, 2 part most emphatically. It so expressed the confidence of his soul, his desire to depart, and his joy in the thought of being with the Savior, whom he loved.
“Oh, tell me no more
Of this world’s vain store;
The time for such trifles
With me now is o'er;
A country I've found,
Where true joys abound,
To dwell, I'm determined,
On this happy ground.
"And if I'm to die,
Receive me, I‘ll cry,
For Jesus hath loved me,
I cannot tell why;
But this I do find,
We two are so join'd,
He'll not be in glory,
And leave me behind.”
I heard to-day from Mr. J—, whom Augustus visited with me in the beginning of the year. He wrote that he did not at all feel led to pray for his recovery, but rather that God might be glorified in his death. Our beloved friends, the O'B—s, and many others, feel the same. We ourselves have no confidence in asking the Lord to restore him, nor has the dear sufferer; he believes that the Lord intends to take him to Himself. In his letter, Mr. J—says, "It is a remarkable thing, that long ago my dear wife and myself were remarking to one another, how much communion we had with Augustus, when he was here, in the discovery of a grace we were not prepared for.”
March 7.—I read with Augustus 1 John 3:1-3,1Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not. 2Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. 3And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure. (1 John 3:1‑3) in connection with John 6:37-4037All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out. 38For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me. 39And this is the Father's will which hath sent me, that of all which he hath given me I should lose nothing, but should raise it up again at the last day. 40And this is the will of him that sent me, that every one which seeth the Son, and believeth on him, may have everlasting life: and I will raise him up at the last day. (John 6:37‑40). We dwelt especially on the Father's love in calling us the "sons of God," and in not only giving Jesus to us as our portion, but in giving us to Him as His own, "of whom he will lose nothing." We dwelt also on the freeness of that grace, which had chosen him, called him, and given him, though no better than others, faith in the precious blood of God's dear Son. He seemed much to enjoy it. Being evidently in great pain while I was reading, I was going to stop, but he said, "Pray go on." He is very happy. The 23rd Psalm, he told me, had been a great comfort to him. He speaks of his departure, as if he were only going a journey home.
A Christian friend called to see him this morning. She told him of a poor lad in the neighborhood who had been brought home a few days before "sick unto death," with the same complaint that was hastening Augustus to the grave. He had no peace, but was terrified at the thought of death. His eyes filled with tears, and he promised to pray for the poor lad.
What a contrast does the grace of God make! All are struck with his sweet, peaceful countenance.
We read together the parallel passages with ver. 44. "No man can come unto me, except the Father, which hath sent me, draw him." JER. 31:33The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. (Jeremiah 31:3); Hos. 11:44I drew them with cords of a man, with bands of love: and I was to them as they that take off the yoke on their jaws, and I laid meat unto them. (Hosea 11:4). And that blessed passage in John 12:3232And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me. (John 12:32) —"If I be lifted up, I will draw all unto me; this he said, signifying what death he should die." Jesus crucified wins the soul to God.
"The cords that bound our hearts to earth
Were broken by His hand;
Before His cross we found ourselves
As strangers in the land.
"The visage marr'd, the sorrows deep,
The vinegar and gall,
Are Jesu's golden chains of love,
His captives to enthrall.”
R. C.
Augustus's countenance was at times quite beautiful, lit up with such a heavenly smile. Truly his head was anointed with that oil which "maketh the face to shine." It quite overcame me. He was so full of gratitude for all the kindness and love shown him by his many friends.
In the evening, I asked him to tell me if there was anything he especially wished me to pray for; he replied, "Yes, Papa, that I may be patient." Though there had been no appearance of impatience, he told me that he had sometimes been sorely tempted to it by the pain he suffered, the continual burning fever, and the weariness of his complaint. His strength was fast wasting away; and the words of Elihu were true of his poor emaciated body—"His flesh is consumed away, that it cannot be seen; and his bones that were not seen, stick out." On asking him if there were anything for which he desired to be thankful, he said, with a sweet smile, "Yes, for all the love and kindness I have been shown." He felt especially thankful to a Christian lady who sent him a pad for his bed, which took the pressure from off his bones, and was the greatest comfort to him through his illness.
March, 9. Sunday.—To-day his brother Tredway and my youngest son were observed to be much engrossed in their conversation together as they walked in the garden. On being asked what they were speaking of, George said, “We were thinking if we were Christians. Tredway was telling me that Augustus twice saved his life. Once he saved him, when he was nearly falling over a cliff at S—, by catching him by his cloak; and again, when his pinafore caught fire, Augustus put it out; and he thinks God must have saved his life for the purpose of saving his soul." The next day, Tredway was asked if Augustus had ever talked to him about Jesus. He said, "Yes, often when we were in bed together. Augustus wished me to love Jesus, and I believe Augustus has long loved Him.”
March 10.—Augustus feels very weak; he is gradually wasting away, and suffers much in his head. I was at T—during the day; I found him, on my return in the evening, on the sofa. He told me that he was very happy; he had no fears, no doubts. Mrs. Deck stayed with him through the day;, she read Rom. 8:15,15For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. (Romans 8:15) to the end. He said that he felt he had the "spirit of adoption;" he could cry, "Abba, Father." She also read to him the following hymn:—
"Jesus, I rest in Thee,
In Thee myself I hide;
Laden with guilt and misery,
Where can I rest beside?
'Tis on Thy meek and lowly breast
My weary soul alone can rest.
"Thou Holy One of God,
The Father rests in Thee,
And in the savor of that blood,
Which speaks to Him for me.
The curse is gone, through Thee I'm blest:
God rests in Thee, in Thee I rest.
“The slave of sin and fear,
Thy truth my bondage broke;
My happy spirit loves to wear
Thy light and easy yoke.
Thy love, which fills my grateful breast,
Makes duty joy, and labor rest.
“Soon the bright, glorious day,
The rest of God shall come;
Sorrow and sin shall pass away,
And I shall reach my home.
Then of the promised land possess'd,
My soul shall know eternal rest.”
She asked him if he could say that Jesus was his rest; he answered, "Yes, he could say so," and appeared much to enjoy it.
He told me that he was quite unable to read to himself; and that if he attempted to think, he felt quite bewildered.
On asking him if there was anything for which he especially wished me to pray, he said, "No, Papa." "Would you not wish to recover?" He answered, with sweetest submission, "I leave that to God." "But would you not wish to live, Augustus?" "Not if I am to dishonor God again as I have done.”
March 10.-I felt unable to sleep; my heart was too full. I went into Augustus's room at three o'clock, and found him sleeping quietly. I looked at his Bible; it was much marked, and I felt deeply interested in seeing how diligently, while he was well, he had studied its sacred pages. How important it is to store the minds of children, when quite young, with the blessed riches of God's Word. They may not understand their value at the time, any more than Timothy did, till he was converted by Paul's preaching. He was Paul's son in the faith, 1 Tim. 1:22Unto Timothy, my own son in the faith: Grace, mercy, and peace, from God our Father and Jesus Christ our Lord. (1 Timothy 1:2); but his mother Eunice had, from a child, instructed him in the Word of God: so that Paul could write to him, when surrounded with temptation, "Continue in the things which thou hast learned,—and that from a child thou hast known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus." Other knowledge may be useful for time, but this makes wise for eternity; and Augustus could say, with thousands of God's children, "This is my comfort in my affliction, for Thy Word hath quickened me.”
"Thou hast made me to serve with thy sins: thou hast wearied me with thine iniquities. I, even I, am he, that blotteth out thy transgressions, for my own sake, and will not remember thy sins." Again, Isa. 44:22,22I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and, as a cloud, thy sins: return unto me; for I have redeemed thee. (Isaiah 44:22) and 48:9. The 53rd chapter, which so wonderfully presents the Lord as bearing the iniquity of His people, and for their sakes, "the man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief," was much marked. Isa. 41:1, 21Keep silence before me, O islands; and let the people renew their strength: let them come near; then let them speak: let us come near together to judgment. 2Who raised up the righteous man from the east, called him to his foot, gave the nations before him, and made him rule over kings? he gave them as the dust to his sword, and as driven stubble to his bow. (Isaiah 41:1‑2)—63:9. Jer. 31:3434And they shall teach no more every man his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the Lord: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more. (Jeremiah 31:34). Dan. 9:9, 10, 19, 209To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against him; 10Neither have we obeyed the voice of the Lord our God, to walk in his laws, which he set before us by his servants the prophets. (Daniel 9:9‑10)
19O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive; O Lord, hearken and do; defer not, for thine own sake, O my God: for thy city and thy people are called by thy name. 20And whiles I was speaking, and praying, and confessing my sin and the sin of my people Israel, and presenting my supplication before the Lord my God for the holy mountain of my God; (Daniel 9:19‑20). Joel 2:1313And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil. (Joel 2:13). Jonah 4:22And he prayed unto the Lord, and said, I pray thee, O Lord, was not this my saying, when I was yet in my country? Therefore I fled before unto Tarshish: for I knew that thou art a gracious God, and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repentest thee of the evil. (Jonah 4:2). Mic. 7:18, 1918Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? he retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy. 19He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea. (Micah 7:18‑19). Nah. 1:22God is jealous, and the Lord revengeth; the Lord revengeth, and is furious; the Lord will take vengeance on his adversaries, and he reserveth wrath for his enemies. (Nahum 1:2). Indeed, he seemed to have found out and marked most of the passages in the Old Testament that proclaim the name of the Lord, as the one "that is ready to forgive, and plenteous in mercy to all that call upon him.”
Another subject which he had carefully studied was that sin of our fallen nature—pride. This he had ever mourned over as one of his besetting sins. And who, that has known ought of the depths of his own heart, but has found it his? I copy from the fly-leaf at the end of his Bible, the following collection of passages against pride, the perusal of which may be profitable, as well as deeply interesting, as skewing the work of grace in the heart of this young scholar in the school of Christ.
"Humble in opposition to pride.”
PROV. 34:2; James 5:6, 7, 106Ye have condemned and killed the just; and he doth not resist you. 7Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the coming of the Lord. Behold, the husbandman waiteth for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long patience for it, until he receive the early and latter rain. (James 5:6‑7)
10Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience. (James 5:10); Job 22:2929When men are cast down, then thou shalt say, There is lifting up; and he shall save the humble person. (Job 22:29); Psa. 138:66Though the Lord be high, yet hath he respect unto the lowly: but the proud he knoweth afar off. (Psalm 138:6); PROV. 3:34, 3534Surely he scorneth the scorners: but he giveth grace unto the lowly. 35The wise shall inherit glory: but shame shall be the promotion of fools. (Proverbs 3:34‑35).—29:23; MATT. 23:1212And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted. (Matthew 23:12); Luke 1: 52.—14:11.—18:14; 1 Pet. 5:5,5Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. (1 Peter 5:5) 6; Psa. 113:5, 6, 75Who is like unto the Lord our God, who dwelleth on high, 6Who humbleth himself to behold the things that are in heaven, and in the earth! 7He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth the needy out of the dunghill; (Psalm 113:5‑7); Ps. 57:15; Psa. 66:22Sing forth the honor of his name: make his praise glorious. (Psalm 66:2); Prov. 15:3333The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom; and before honor is humility. (Proverbs 15:33).—18:12.—16:18. —11:2; Dan. 4:3737Now I Nebuchadnezzar praise and extol and honor the King of heaven, all whose works are truth, and his ways judgment: and those that walk in pride he is able to abase. (Daniel 4:37).—5:20; 1 Sam. 2:6, 7, 86The Lord killeth, and maketh alive: he bringeth down to the grave, and bringeth up. 7The Lord maketh poor, and maketh rich: he bringeth low, and lifteth up. 8He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth up the beggar from the dunghill, to set them among princes, and to make them inherit the throne of glory: for the pillars of the earth are the Lord's, and he hath set the world upon them. (1 Samuel 2:6‑8); Job 5:1111To set up on high those that be low; that those which mourn may be exalted to safety. (Job 5:11). MATT. 18:44Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:4).