Our consideration of the scriptural principles relevant to interaction in the Christian family has focused on the man as head of the family and on man as the family supporter. We would now like to consider the aspect of a man loving and honoring his wife.
The number of verses in the Holy Scriptures which enjoin the Christian husband to love, honor and act kindly toward his wife surely is indicative of the importance of this responsibility. The Scriptures would not repeatedly exhort us to do something if there were no danger of our not doing it. Is it not true that as Christian husbands we may be careful to maintain our position as head of the family and as family provider but are much less careful to love and honor our wives? Is it also not true that the failure to do so has lowered the image of the role that God has given to the wife, in the eyes of the world. Instead of being seen in a position of honor and respect she has often been portrayed in a degrading position of slave to the family head.
It is not uncommon to hear feminists argue that the woman has been degraded and held down by Judeo-Christian teaching. Such false statements even occur in the literature of many evangelical periodicals. Paul the Apostle, who received his teachings by special revelation from the Lord Himself, is often the special target of accusations because he supposedly degrades women in his writings. When the Lord Jesus was on earth, He answered this type of argument with the simple but true statement, “Ye do err, not knowing the Scriptures.” Undoubtedly, the feminists’ arguments can be met with the same rebuttal, but it is sad that our failure to properly love and honor our wives gives substance to the arguments of those who oppose the Scriptures. This it surely does if we carry out our position as head of the family without the love and honor that is due our wives.
When Paul exhorts the husband to love his wife as Christ also loved the Church (Ephesians 5:2525Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Ephesians 5:25)), he sets before the husband an example of absolute devotion. The fact that the Church is not perfect does not in the least diminish His love and care but rather makes it all the more an object of His devotion and service. There are in the wife that God has given to the husband, as there are in all of us, imperfections and things that offend. But these things permit the husband to show the nature of Christ and to love his wife even as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it.
Paul had to tell the Colossian husbands to love their wives and not to be bitter against them (Colossians 3:1919Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. (Colossians 3:19)). This indicates the husband’s tendency to blame his wife for the little daily problems that appear in the household. The husband is likely to ask why this is so or not so. Criticism comes easily from our ungracious lips and hearts. The husband needs to be reminded that we all, not just the wife, offend. (James 3:22For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. (James 3:2).) He also needs to remember that his wife is given to him as a favor granted by God (Proverbs 18:2222Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)). A spirit of thankfulness and appreciation ought to be seen in the husband rather than one of criticism and fault-finding. A fundamental principle to guide any type of Christian interaction and one which can be useful to the husband to help him avoid bitterness towards his wife is found in Philippians 2:33Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. (Philippians 2:3). “Let each esteem other better than themselves.” Family interaction like assembly interaction could be much more enjoyable and consistent with our Christian profession if there were a greater sense of our own complete unworthiness in the sight of God.
The Apostle Paul goes further than giving the husband an example of the depth and degree of love that should be manifest towards his wife. He gets down to the practical carrying out of this love. Men ought “to love their wives as their own bodies.” Ephesians 5:2828So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. (Ephesians 5:28). How often the husband displays the attitude that he is number one. His work can easily be judged more important than the work of his wife in the home. It is so easy for the husband to be so absorbed with the problems at the office that the things that are disturbing the wife at home are considered insignificant or perhaps not considered at all. He may even carry this spirit so far as to spend money on things that he wants or things he needs without consideration for those things that would lighten his wife’s daily tasks at home or things that would simply brighten her life a little.
With respect to loving our wives as our own bodies, there is a practice in the world and one which is becoming noticeable in Christian families, which ought to be avoided. This is the practice of the husband following hobbies, sports or other interests which involve large amounts of time away from his family and his wife. There must be moderation in all things, but anything which separates us from our wives and families, especially when it is for pleasure only, does not seem to exemplify loving our wives as our own bodies. Perhaps minding the children and giving our wives a little time for their hobbies, or for needful tasks such as going shopping, is more in keeping with this exhortation. In marriage the husband and wife are one flesh (Ephesians 5:3131For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. (Ephesians 5:31)). The husband is not only responsible for the financial burden of maintaining his wife, but he is responsible to “nourish and cherish” the partner that God has joined him to just as he feeds and cares for his own body (Ephesians 5:2929For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (Ephesians 5:29)).
The fifth chapter of Ephesians just cannot be closed until the husband is exhorted that he as an individual, as opposed to husbands in general, love his wife as his own self (Ephesians 5:3333Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)). If my wife were asked, would she say she feels that she is the object of such attention? It does not seem consistent with the thrust of the scriptures already referred to that the wife should simply know that her husband loves her. Should there not be daily expressions of it, daily sacrifices on the part of the husband and daily enjoyment of love together? There is all of this in Christ’s love for His Church, the perfect example for the husband’s love for his wife.