Thirty-four days ago our precious son, Brian Philip Raden, left Michigan for Heaven. We can’t wish him back, but oh—the absence is so hard— to rebuild our lives and find we’re walking around this hole in it all the time. Brian lived with us, so it’s constantly when I’m shopping I think of his favourite snacks and go to buy them, and set a place for him at the table—it’s a lot to change. I miss his smile and hearty laugh, and ability to brush off hurtful things, saying we should be mindful of the person who said them, as they must be unhappy. Brian battled Autism—a mild form—but even a mild form changes how you process information, gives you some awkward ways of moving at times, and has other aspects that make you different.
We were on vacation, in Kirkland, Washington, and had set a time we’d call home every night. We’d set 6pm, as that meant 9pm, here in Michigan. We called on April 19 to get the biggest blow—Brian had died of an apparent aneurysm in his sleep. Randy had wondered why he was sleeping in so late, and decided to open his door and check on him. Randy and Brian were very close brothers, so I can’t imagine that moment for Randy!
April 19 is the day we lost another son of ours, David Stanley, and I was so happy to be so far away, time zones’ away, and occupied with meeting new friends and doing different things that day, that I wouldn’t reflect so much on it ... when God chose the same date to take another son of ours to be with Him in Heaven.
We are so thankful for our large family. We had our family from 1970 – 1980—the years when “Zero Population Growth” was very, very popular, and we were certainly out of step with that. We struggled now and then with finances, but learned how to be creative with rice, beans, potatoes, cheese and peanuts, and were thankful for a plain but nutritious diet, as we grew veggies in our yard. Stan and I used to be happy that the neighbor children liked to eat with us—they said it was so fun, as it was always like they had a bunch of company over when they ate at our house.
We now treasure those times of big family meals and laughter—and are thankful we have so many of our children within easy travel distance of our home now. They all came home to be together here, and we cried a lot together, but also laughed a lot, too at past family happenings. I am so thankful for each child—exactly who and how they are, and our in-law children whom we couldn’t love more than if they were born to us.
It’s easy to get stuck in our losses—and they will never be forgotten. But we have so many blessings, too, for which we can’t even count, so have much to be thankful for.
We want to thank you for your kind and generous way of telling us you have grieved with us, and that you care. That has meant so much to us. It was like getting special visits from you in the mail—except I didn’t have to cover my tears in embarrassment. They do cleanse the soul ... ... but when you are British and very fair-skinned, salty tears make your eyelids sore and peel, so I have to move on and rebuild our new-normal.
Thank you for caring and sharing with us. It has meant so very, very much.
Lovingly,
Stan and Laurie Raden