“I am currently struggling with how I am reacting with my five-year-old. In the past, he has been very compliant, but now he is showing some strong-willed character and foolishness. I don’t know if I am being too hard on him, or if I need to be more firm.”
Having never had the pleasure of meeting you, one can only suggest some general principles which come to mind, trusting they may be used of the Lord for the help and blessing of your family.
First, then, we see in the history of Isaac and Rebekah that which often is one of the primary causes of behavior problems in our children. In Genesis 25:2828And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob. (Genesis 25:28) we read, “And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob.” These parents had divided affections for their two sons which set the stage for the strife that later divided their home.
These divided affections led the parents to have favorites. Isaac favored and loved Esau, not because of what he was but because of what he gave. We, as parents, may be guilty of the same thing: that is, we see some character or quality in one of our children which is especially appealing, and we tend, without realizing it, to treat that child in a special way. Do not let your child’s “behavior” become a source of pride to you so that his “compliance” causes you to favor him. Of course, obedience is absolutely necessary and a submitted will is vital. But above all, make sure your children know they are loved because they are your beloved children, more than because of what they may be able to do for you.
As to foolishness, remember that “foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Prov. 22:1515Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15)). However, before applying the rod, be sure that it is really foolishness in your son that you are chastising. Do not expect more from a five-year-old than a five-year-old can give. I remember reading once a very helpful little poem: Be to their faults a little blind, And to their virtues ever kind.
The Word says: “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things” (1 Cor. 13:1111When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. (1 Corinthians 13:11)). Don’t punish your child for being a child. Demanding that he be more than what he is can be destructive to his tender spirit.
“And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man” (Luke 2:5252And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man. (Luke 2:52)). Though He was perfect, never needing corrective discipline, our Lord Jesus’ life gives parents a perfect pattern of the normal development of a child. He grew; there was normal development (though all was perfect) with Him in the realm of nature. He was born a babe, developed as a child, was seen as a boy and was subject as a young man in Joseph and Mary’s home. Don’t expect or force your five-year-old to develop beyond or faster than is natural for him.
Earnestly seek to learn from the Lord if his displays of self-will and foolishness reflect something he observes in you or your wife. It is incredible how much a young child is molded by the habits of life of its parents. As his father, you will more than anyone form his character, while your wife will chiefly form his affections. Ask the Lord to reveal any inconsistencies in your lives which might be thus affecting his actions. If a hidden sin is revealed, humble yourself and confess it before administering necessary discipline to your child.
One last thing: be very careful about the playmates you allow him to have. They will also do much to mold his character for good or bad. The command to Moses’ mother was “take this child away, and nurse it for me.” Moses’ mother indeed took her child away from the world... but we can be sure she did not nurse him for Pharaoh’s daughter, for when he was grown he refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter.
When the Lord Jesus, at twelve years of age, went from His Father’s house in Jerusalem to His parent’s home in Nazareth, He was practically separated and hidden from this world for the next eighteen years of His life. After this time, Satan’s attempts to turn aside the Lord Jesus from His path of perfect obedience were completely and gloriously defeated by this blessed separated Man in the wilderness. How important to morally separate and hide your son (children) from the influences of this world!
Ed.