For many years I had suffered from a common, but very painful malady, which I was often told could only be relieved, and possibly cured, by an operation. I preferred the suffering because of the dread of that operation. To be frank, I was really afraid of death. I knew that in my unregenerate state I was quite unfit to die, because after death is judgment. I was not alone in this fear. How many men and women there are in the world who fear, as I did, that which comes after death, yet go on in their sin, though knowing full well that if death should overtake them there is that awful judgment to be faced? Yes, many know the way of life, but choose the way of death. I was among the number.
One day I was particularly ill, suffering very much, when there came a sudden decision to undergo the operation. I was home for the weekend; but on Monday I reported to the surgeon of one of His Majesty’s ships, who ordered My removal at once to the Royal Naval Hospital.
I think it was in May, 1905, that the first operation was performed; and while I was under the influence of the anesthetic, I had this most wonderful experience. I thought I had died. I could see my body, but I had left it, and was swiftly moving in a very dark space.
I then saw before me a huge archway, beyond which the blackness was awful! I saw a brother of mine sitting at a turnstile, at the base of the arch, and I thought he could prevent me going through into the blackness. I appealed to him, but he shook his head sadly, and I passed on. Then in front of me, I saw written in letters of gold, right across the black space, these words: “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
Now, as a lad, I had attended Sunday School (I am afraid not regularly), and I was familiar with this particular text; also, in after years, I had heard and seen it. But now, in agony of soul, feeling I had despised this glorious truth, and that I was lost, I cried out, “Yes! that is true;” and I pleaded with Someone, who I felt was near, but could not see, to allow me to go back, and warn those whom I had left behind; but a Voice very clearly said, “You cannot go back from here.” Of course, it is impossible to convey in cold print the agony of my soul; it was terrible! All this time I was traveling at tremendous speed through this darkness with not one glimmer of light. And then again, in front of me, there appeared these letters, in burning fire, and large letters they were, spelling the word “ETERNITY”: and I passed right through them.
As consciousness returned, I could hardly believe at first that I was back in the ward; but when I realized it, I realized that God had brought me back from death; and given me another chance. There upon my bed, I cried to God, using the words of the publican in the Temple: “God be merciful to me the sinner.” And immediately I felt the burden of my sin rolled away, and I knew that God had, for Christ’s sake, forgiven me. Oh, how different things seemed! the note of the sparrows was new; everything seemed new! On the day of my discharge to my ship, I thought the propeller of the steamboat was chiming a hymn: truly I was a new creature in Christ Jesus! I have now retired from H.M. service; but I am still in the service of the Lord. For 21 years I lived in the Nary, knowing the Lord Jesus Christ as my Saviour, and proved His power to save and keep all those who really trust Him. I met many dear Christians in the Service, and have had sweet fellowship with them in the things of God; many have gone on, but many are still serving, showing by consistent living that God’s grace is sufficient for every circumstance.
Two operations were performed on me on the day I have mentioned. But the greatest and best was performed by the great Physician the Lord Jesus Christ.
I write this, my experience and testimony, and send it forth, praying that God, through His Holy Spirit, may use it to the conversion of those who read it.
“I know not why God’s wondrous love,
To me hath been made known
Nor why, unworthy as I am,
He claimed me for His own!
But I know Whom I have believed”
And God’s word declares that, Whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
I must add this. The brother whom I saw sitting at the turnstile, was a child of God, who, on receiving a letter from me, to the effect that I had decided to undergo the operation, went to God in prayer, and prayed (he said) as never before, that God would make my going into the Hospital a means of my conversion. Praise His holy name, He heard and answered.
J.R.