ALL through the long hours of a wild, stormy night I had wandered restlessly along the shore, the conflict raging in my own soul seemed hardly less fierce than that of the elements around. I had watched the first gray light of morning break in the east, till at last, weary alike in mind and body, I turned my steps homewards.
I was told on my return that a stranger wished to see me, and recognized in my early visitor a young man who, only a few weeks before, had recovered from a dangerous illness, and to whom my knowledge of medicine had enabled me to suggest treatment that had proved of benefit.
He asked, as a personal favor, that I would accompany him home, as he was anxious I should see a sister of his who was very ill. I would much rather have declined the visit, and made several excuses for not going. But he seemed so much disappointed that in a short time his earnestness overcame my objections, and I consented to pay the sufferer "just one visit.”
How little I knew how that visit was to influence my whole after-life.
The young lady I had been so urged to visit, from the first interested me greatly. I will not attempt to express on paper all I thought of her, or you, my fair reader, would smile and say I had fallen in love, and I could not say you were wrong. I will not tax your patience by telling you if her eyes were black, brown, or blue, if her hair waved in dark masses or fell in golden curls round her fair, almost girlish face. But I may write that after my first visit I saw her very often. She got well quickly; I could not have been long in her company without feeling daily increasing respect and admiration for the sweetness of her disposition, the strength of her understanding, and above all her simple and unaffected piety.
I told her my story; she was very kind and expressed much sympathy. Her family too, always gave me a cordial welcome. Only one thing gave me much trouble, the recollection of my vows. I received several visits from my old companions, the fathers, who tried by every argument to induce me to re-enter the monastery, using at times threats so terrible that my blood seemed to run cold as I listened to them. But my resolution was formed. God, I believed, had set me free, and though at times the way seemed very dark I dared not retrace my steps. It was by no means easy to shake off old superstitions and habits of thought. And I often trembled as the fear that my affection might prove a curse instead of a blessing to her whom I hoped one day to call my wife, crossed my mind. Might it not prove the blight of her whole future life? I asked myself again and again.
Matters were still in this state when the prior paid me a visit. He was very angry, spoke of the penalties I had incurred, drew a terrible picture of the woes that must be the portion of the apostate here and hereafter, and concluded by advising me to throw myself at his feet and ask the forgiveness he was, he said, in the name of God, empowered to grant me.
I grew strangely calm and self-possessed as I listened to his threats, and much to his surprise and mortification, told him I would not return to the monastery. At last, finding his attempts to terrify and persuade me alike useless, he withdrew.
After some further waiting, and with the consent and approval of her parents, I spoke to the object of my affections, and to my great delight found she was willing to enter into an engagement with a view to marriage.
A few months later we were married. Although I had taken this important step in direct defiance to the teaching of Rome, I did not see at the time, or indeed till long after, how false and unscriptural the whole of the system is. I am fully convinced that nothing but the mighty ministry of God the Holy Ghost can truly deliver a soul from its blinding darkness and corrupt idolatry.
The Romish church says: "God pardons the sinner on account of the works of satisfaction performed by him and for his merits.”
The Bible teaches: That God pardons the sinner not out of consideration of any merit in him, but freely and for the sake of His beloved Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, who died upon the cross.
Two statements so utterly opposed to each other cannot both be true. Which then was I to accept?
The more I read the Bible the more certain I became that it was possible for a Christian to know, even in this life, that his sins were forgiven. I felt the burden of my sins to be a terrible load. I was seeking light but still walking in darkness. I longed for peace with God, but still the battle raged.
Through all this season of exercise and soul trouble, my dear wife proved a true helpmeet to me. We often read the word of God and prayed together.
My misery seemed to have reached its climax one Wednesday evening. I felt unable to remain in the house and resolved upon taking a long walk I had proceeded about two miles when I came upon a little road side chapel. The congregation were singing, I stood still to listen, and heard the words:
“My faith would lay her hand
On that dear Head of Thine,
While like a penitent I stand
And there confess my sin.”
I felt compelled to go in. Never in all my life had I listened to such a prayer as the one which followed the hymn. I had been accustomed to read or recite ready-made forms of prayer. But on that never to be-forgotten night I saw that true prayer did not consist in the use of vain repetitions, but in asking God from the heart for the grace and help needed.
Prayer over, I listened with intense interest to a simple, but very earnest gospel address founded on the words, "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy." (Heb. 4:1616Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16).) Then and there I not only realized my condition as a sinner, but found in Christ a precious Savior; I knew in whom I had believed, I could say of Him, "Who loved me and gave himself for me.”
My soul was filled with joy as I learned for the first time in my life something of the true meaning of such words as "God so loved the world, that he gave his only-begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:1616For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16).)
How contrary to the teaching of Rome. Her doctrine with regard to cleansing being that sin merits two kinds of punishment, one eternal, the other only for a limited period. Thus, one who has confessed and received absolution from his priest may still have to suffer in the fires of purgatory. God is thus presented in the light of an unjust creditor requiring a second payment of the same debt; having received full payment from the Lord Jesus Christ when on the cross, and yet exacting another from the sinner.
Purgatory, indulgences, works of supererogation of every kind must disappear when Christ is known as an all-sufficient Savior.
Readers of English history will doubtless remember that the suppression of monastic institutions in England took place during the reign of Henry VIII, and was one of the acts that preceded the Reformation.
Roman Catholics often speak of it as an act of robbery and spoliation, as a measure that could only have been devised by a heretic and carried out by a tyrant. Perhaps it may not be generally known that the measure they condemn so strongly was devised by a cardinal, and sanctioned by a pope.
Cardinal Morton was papal legate in this country at the court of Henry VII. He found the monasteries in such a state of disorder that he applied to the pope for the requisite power to amend and improve them. Pope Innocent VIII, then at Rome, at once complied with the request, and issued a Bull, or papal order, giving the needful authority.
But long-standing abuses cannot be reformed in a day, and ere his work was well begun Cardinal Morton died. Henry VII, too, had left this scene, and his son Henry VIII crowned king, while the papal chair was filled by another pope, Clement VII.
Cardinal Wolsey was appointed papal legate; he reported serious abuses as existing in some of the monasteries, and asked permission of the pope, not like his predecessor to reform, but to suppress some of the establishments, and shortly after received full power to suppress as he saw fit any or if needs be every monastic institution in England.
I have simply stated facts, as may be proved by any reader who will take the trouble to refer to the papal decrees of Innocent VIII and Clement VII.
And now in much conscious weakness the story of how and why I came out from Rome is told. To the God of all grace I commend these few recollections. May He in His infinite mercy bless them to any into whose hands they may fall who may have been induced by the high-sounding claims and unreal glitter of Roman Catholicism to give up the true for the false, to exchange the substance for the shadow, to accept human inventions in the place of the inspired word of God. That word declares plainly that "By grace ye are saved through faith; and that not of your selves: it is the gift of God.
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