IN the midst of his itinerations of 1918 Fraser had come to a spiritual experience which cannot be passed over. Back in Tengyueh that summer he was laid up with a badly infected foot. This gave opportunity for quiet and reflection, glimpses of which appear in his Journal.
No one with any experience of the conditions under which he was working will wonder that in the crowding, dirt and discomfort of Lisu homes, Fraser found it difficult to maintain the standard of spiritual life, which alone could satisfy him. Perhaps the wonder was, rather, that he could not content himself with a lower level, or take refuge in excuses. To be alone for prayer, he had to go out on the mountains, or wake up at night when all around him were asleep. After long days of travelling, preaching or teaching, he was weary and apt to sleep on until the household was stirring. Mist and rain at chilly heights often kept him indoors, with no chance of quiet for waiting upon God. This made it only too easy to lose the sense (though not the fact) of the divine presence, and drift into a state of spiritual weakness and defeat. Yet, how was the situation to be met?
Thinking much [he had written in a Kachin hamlet near Mottled Hill] of Stuart Holden’s saying: ‘I do not believe that any man is made victor save by blood of his own’― ‘resisting unto blood, striving against sin’.
Words easily misunderstood, yet how deep their meaning! ‘An easy-going, non-self-denying life,’ as Hudson Taylor put it, will never be one of power.
So often, as today [Fraser continued] I have been unwilling to shed my own blood, so to speak, and have trusted in Christ alone―armchair trust, which has failed.
As fail it must. For in this sense it is indeed true that ‘the thing we do not do for ourselves, God cannot do for us.’
‘I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me,’ discloses the blessed partnership which alone secures victory.
It was drifting that Fraser dreaded most of all-slackness in spirit, sloth, prayerlessness, leading to defeat under trial. Well he knew the meaning of the Master’s word, ‘Men ought always to pray and not to faint.’ He, certainly, found it to be a choice between the one and the other. For him, the ‘good fight of faith’ lay right there. Such a life as his was only possible as it was inwardly victorious, ‘renewed day by day’; and that meant the constant exchange, by faith, it is no longer I that live―the weak, ease-loving, oft-defeated I― ‘but Christ liveth in me’.
But the real Christ-life leads to the Cross, and the Cross does not get comfortable. Blood of our own must attest our faith in the precious blood of Christ, if we are to share and to show forth the victory of the Cross. What else does the application to ourselves of that great faith chapter in Hebrews mean, with its record of those who endured ‘as seeing Him who is invisible’?
Wherefore... let us run with patience the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the Cross, despising the shame.... Consider Him that endured... lest ye be weary and faint in your minds. Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.
Armchair trust has no place in this battle and victory, as Fraser was proving. ‘Shrinking from the Cross’ was often his experience, but from his Journal we gather something of his following on to deeper fellowship with his Lord.
August 23. Considerable spiritual recovery.... Enabled, practically, to clasp the foot of the Cross.
August 26. Thirty-two years old today. Quite conscious of Mother’s prayers. I am sure she is praying for me. Splendid time of prayer alone in my room. Enabled to get to the Cross and remain there. Have peace and rest of spirit. Preaching on the street in the evening.
August 27. The Cross is going to hurt―let it hurt! I am, going to work hard and pray hard too, by God’s grace.
August 28. Reading through Thomas Cook’s New Testament Holiness.
September 1. Yesterday evening, prayer out in gully.
And a week later, when he was about to set out on long itineration:
September 9. Reading Jowett’s Passion for Souls. Very definitely and decidedly take my stand on 1 John 1:77But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. (1 John 1:7). Jesus Christ my Cleanser from all sin. Full of peace and blessing all the rest of the day. In the evening a Hohch’en man (Lisu) signified his willingness to accept Christ and came round for talk and prayer.
September 11. Am proving 1 John 1:77But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. (1 John 1:7) true, these days. Faith becomes as natural as breathing. During the first few years, I put forth too much self-effort with James 4:77Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:7) which, perhaps, has no connection with inbred sin, but with the fight (offensive) against Satan’s kingdom in the world. In any case Thomas Cook’s book has been a great help to me.
September 12. My weapon these days against sin and Satan―or rather, sin alone―is the love of God. How can we do despite unto the spirit of grace? ‘The love of Christ constraineth us.’
September 16. Extracts from Jowett’s ‘Passion for Souls’:
‘The Gospel of a broken heart begins the ministry of bleeding hearts.’
‘As soon as we cease to bleed we cease to bless.’
‘We must bleed, if we would be ministers of the Saving Blood.’
‘St. Catherine’s prayers were red with sacrifice, and she felt the touch of the Pierced Hands.’
September 20. We should take up the whole armor of God before the ‘evil day’ comes, so that when it does come we may be able to stand. We need to strengthen the defenses during every lull in the battle.
Four days later, he was in the villages again, rejoicing in the Lord.
It was Hudson Taylor who wrote in the same spirit: ‘There is a needs-be for us to give ourselves for the life of the world... Fruit-bearing involves cross-bearing. “Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone.” We know how the Lord Jesus became fruitful―not by bearing His Cross only, but by dying on it. Do we know much of fellowship with Him in this? There are not two Christs―an easygoing Christ for easygoing Christians, and a suffering, toiling Christ for exceptional believers. There is only one Christ. Are we willing to abide in Him, and so to “bear much fruit”?’