MARRIED BUT HOMELESS; "GRACE MURRAY, YOU HAVE BROKEN MY HEART.”
“He asked for bread, and he received a stone.”
“If she slight me when I woo
I will lightly let her go.”
“FRIEND NELSON, I like not the duty. It is the most unpleasant task I have ever under-taken. It must be done, though," said George Whitfield, turning from the window with a sigh. His companion, Nelson, sat by the fire in the large room of the chief inn in Leeds, and they were conversing about a lady, Grace Murray, who had been engaged to marry Wesley, but had broken off her engagement, and of which they were about to inform him. Nelson rose from his seat and replied: “True, sir, but John Wesley is a brave, brave man. He has had much trouble in his love affairs, but this will go nigh to break his heart. Did you know about his former ones?”
“Yes, Nelson, yes," answered Whitfield. "While at college he was much attached to Betty Kirkham, the sister of his college friend, who also was one of the early Methodists.”
“But how was it that they were not married? Did not the lady return his affection?
“I think that she did," answered Whitfield. "But I do not know all the circumstances. For some reason or other, however, the engagement was broken off. One thing I am certain of is that Wesley bitterly felt the disappointment.”
“There are some girls, Mr. Whitfield," said Nelson, "who take a remarkable pleasure in playing with the finest, deepest feelings of the heart. A thoughtless, beautiful girl no doubt is proud of her influence and loves authority, but 'tis a pity that she should cloud other people's lives by heartless flirtations.”
“I agree with you," answered Whitfield." But all people do not feel as acutely as Mr. Wesley. He has a deeply affectionate spirit, and, I am sure, would be happy in a home if he were only suitably married. Poor fellow, he was also badly treated by another girl while he was in Georgia, though he made a fortunate escape from that frivolous, worldly person.
“Never shall I forget my first interview with John Wesley. I walked from St. Paul's to his home with him that I might enjoy his delightful society. It was to me an indescribable pleasure. When we parted he took my hands, and, looking me full in the face, said, with an expression of affection that I can never forget, Oh be careful, Friend Nelson; be careful not to grieve the Spirit;' and when we went together into Cornwall we had but one horse between Mr. Wesley, John Downes, and myself. Poor Downes fell sick of a fever. For three weeks Mr. Wesley and I lay upon the floor, having no bed. Mr. Wesley had my greatcoat for a pillow; I laid my head upon a book. But Mr. Wesley was happy and merry with all our hardships. At three o'clock one morning, I remember, he turned over and said to me with a laugh, as he clapped me on the side, Brother Nelson, be of good cheer; 1 have one whole side yet.' The skin had been rubbed off the other side of the body.”
“Ah, Nelson, we must have no nestling," said Whitfield. "We have all known hardships enough; but thank God for the souls we have won through our sufferings." "I remember, too, another day, during that same visit to Cornwall," continued Nelson. "After preaching no one offered us a meal, and we went hungry and faint out of the village. Mr. Wesley stopped to pick the blackberries off the hedge, and as he ate them he said to me: 'Brother Nelson, we ought to be thankful that there are plenty of blackberries, for this is the best country that I ever saw for getting an appetite, but the worst that ever I saw for getting food. Do the people think that we can live by preaching, and need not bread or meat?' I answered that a man had given me a little barley bread and honey, so that I was not so hungry; but poor Mr. Wesley was very faint for want of food.”
“Let me see; it was the April of this very year, 1749, that Charles Wesley was married," said Whitfield, as if meditating." John remarked to me, ‘It was a solemn day, such as became the dignity of a Christian marriage.' Poor fellow, he hoped to have soon enjoyed a like happiness himself with Grace Murray.”
“Who was this Grace Murray, Mr. Whitfield?" asked Nelson.
“She was born in Newcastle," answered Whitfield, "but went to London at the age of eighteen. When twenty years old she married a sailor, who was not a godly man. God used the death of her baby to incline her to thoughtfulness. How anguished she was, and how bitterly she grieved! Nearly distracted with grief, she went to hear Mr. Wesley preach. In the course of his sermon he said: 'Is there anyone here heart-sore and weary? Anyone who is bowed down with sorrow? Is there one here who hath a true desire to be saved by Jesus?' and she replied, in the deep silence, Yes, I have.' Then she went as a young widow to superintend the orphan house at Newcastle. When Wesley asked her to marry him, she replied, This is too great a blessing for me. I cannot believe it. That is all I could have to wish for on this side of heaven."'
“And yet she flirted with this Bennet she has now married! What a pity that she did not know her own mind Poor Mr. Wesley.”
“She behaved very badly. She sent Mr. Wesley's letters to John Bennet, and when he heard of it, and bade her take Bennet if she wished and could be happy with him, she ran to him, weeping bitterly, and begged him not to leave her else she would die. 'I love you, Mr. Wesley,' she sobbed, 'a thousand times better than ever I loved John Bennet. I wouldn't marry him if every hair of his head were hung with gold, and yet, if I don't marry him I'm afraid he'll go mad.' Then she begged Wesley to marry her immediately for fear she should alter her mind. But John Wesley wished to consult his brother, and not to be guilty of an unkindness to Bennet, so the matter was deferred though they were once more solemnly engaged. Now she has gone off and married Bennet!”
“But hush, here comes Mr. Wesley," interposed Nelson. "Oh, Mr. Whitfield, what will he say when he knows that Grace Murray has treated him so?”
Very painful was the interview as Wesley learned the tidings, and when his brother Charles arrived the next day with Bennet and his wife, Wesley was not at all cordial in his reception of his brother. He knew that Charles had done his utmost to break off the marriage, and said: "I renounce all intercourse with you, but what I would have with a heathen man and a publican.”
“I did my utmost to save you from throwing yourself away," replied Charles.
The entreaties of Whitfield and Nelson at length reconciled the brothers. But Wesley had received a severe wound. "Grace Murray," he said to his former lover, "you have broken my heart.”
Two years afterward, Wesley married a widow lady, Mrs. Vizelle. Very unhappy was the gentle John during the thirty years of his wife's lifetime. One of his preachers said of her: "I once went into a room in the North of Ireland, and there I found Mrs. Wesley foaming with rage. Her poor husband was lying upon the floor. She had flung him down, and had been pulling him about the room by the hair of his head. Oh, sir! I knew not how to restrain myself when I saw her set upon the holy man and tear the venerable locks from his head in her mad fury.”
More than once she left him. In 1781 she died at Camberwell.
“She was perhaps not quite right in her mind,” said John Wesley to his brother. "At any rate, had I been blessed with a happy home, I might not have been so eager to betake myself to the fields to preach the gospel”
“Oh, John! do you remember the day when she shut us both up in a room?" asked Charles. "She would not let us out, but abused us through the door. I answered her, do you recollect, by repeating Latin poetry.”
“Whatever her faults, brother Charles," answered Wesley, "she has gone to her account. May God give us grace to avoid her sins. I trust to learn the benefits of a meek and quiet spirit from what I have suffered from the contrary spirit.”
Much has been the ridicule cast upon Wesley for his famous entry in his journal: "I did not forsake her; I did not dismiss her; I will not recall her." It is probable that a full knowledge of all the facts would elevate our estimate of Wesley; perhaps help us to forgive the unhappy wife.
Wesley's own advice to his preachers might perhaps, with the emphasis of his own experience, be urged upon others not yet married, but hoping to marry: "Take no step towards marriage without solemn prayer to God, and consulting with your brethren.'