DEAR DOCTOR W.,―The following extract from a letter written by the late Dr. G —, telling his mother of his conversion to God, which took place during his voyage round the world in the Anglesey in 1854, will, I think, not merely interest you, but may be thought worthy of a place in your monthly magazine, as illustrating the blessed grace of God which goes after the lost sheep “until he find it.” As you know, the dear doctor fell asleep in July 1890.―Yours, &c., A. F. R.
THE “ANGLESEY,” Tuesday, 24th October 1854.
MY DARLING MOTHER, ―I can no longer refrain from telling you what I had thought of leaving till the end of my letter―a thing in comparison of which everything else I have told you sinks into nothing. It is this―and I know it will rejoice your heart: ―Since I have been on board this ship, the Lord has had mercy on my soul! When I was in England I was not a Christian. You know I made at one time a profession of religion. I think this was partly from my being ill, and partly from being surrounded by Christian friends, but I was not really converted. It was not God’s work in my soul, and therefore it did not stand, ―the fact is, I had an idea that professing to be a Christian was being a Christian. I soon found that there was no life, that I was not regenerate by the Spirit, but I did not like to acknowledge it to myself or to others. No wonder then that, as you well know, there was no fruit. At last I made up my mind that I was not a Christian, and whenever I was taken ill, or the idea of death presented itself to me, I felt that I should be lost―that I should go to hell.
I had very solemn convictions, earnest longings to be a Christian, especially at Guernsey, and, in fact, always from time to time. I felt I never could know the gospel better’ than I did then, and I feared the only thing that would bring me to Christ would be my deathbed, and that I knew was a fearful uncertainty, and I at times pictured myself dying in the horrors of despair. At last I found it was so evident that I had not a “new life,” that I gave up all pretense, first to myself, and I intended gradually to do so to others. I made no efforts against sin; I was prayerless, and took no interest in God’s Word (except as affording matter for an argument sometimes). I was on equal terms with those who were careless about God. When in London I went to theaters. This is a sad story, my darling mother. Well, I came on this voyage, hoping to gain health so as to enjoy the world. The only preparation which I regretted I was not able to make, was that I had not learned to dance as I wished. I came on board this ship in hopes, in thoughts, in manners, in conversation, a worldly man.
Now comes the wonderful part of the story. When we had been out about four weeks (i.e., about three weeks ago), the Lord commenced a work in my soul. I cannot tell you how it was, nor can I ascribe it to any particular cause (that man falling overboard made a great impression upon me, but I had found peace in a measure before that), I can only say it was the wonderful mercy of God, and it was the work of His Spirit, but the result was that, for the first time in my life, I had saving faith in Jesus Christ. I felt that my sins were forgiven on account of the, atonement He made on the cross, and at last I had perfect joy and peace in believing. My darling mother, what wonderful mercy is this! that, just when my case seemed hopeless, when I was getting further away than ever from God, when I was, as it were, trying to escape from Him, that He should have chosen that time to have mercy on me,―that He should, as it were, have pursued me, as if He were determined to have mercy on me in spite of myself. This is indeed mercy!
Well, my darling mother, my joy and thankfulness were indeed great, as you may suppose, when I found I was saved, and that I could apply to myself all those blessed truths which I had so long known of and coveted. Certainly the first “ingredient,” if I may so say, in my joy, was the sense of being safe, that I could not be lost, that my salvation was no longer an uncertain thing, that God’s Word was pledged for me to the end; He whose power is infinite. Now I had the wonderful joy of knowing that I could look upon God no longer as an angry Judge, but as a Heavenly Father, ―that I could hold communion with Him as such.
Perfect joy and peace for the first time in my life were then the first result in me, as I suppose in almost every one, of salvation. Perhaps the next result (for I know you will like to hear all my experience) was, that everything of this world, its joys, its occupations, its affairs, at once sank into insignificance, ―into nothing, became no longer worth a moment’s consideration, and no longer possessed any interest for me. Next, I began to feel that; having found such great happiness myself, I could not but tell others of it, that I must confess Christ before men, that I must speak of Jesus to poor sinners. This appeared formidable at first, but I thank God that He strengthened me for this, and enabled me to take at once a decided part for Him. I had this additional difficulty (at least so it seemed to me), that, as I said, I had behaved as a worldly man during the first part of the voyage, so that I thought people would not understand the change that had taken change in me. There were two men who, I thought, would be more likely than others to scoff at anything good. The Lord enabled me to speak to these among the first (one was Mr. P —; the other a young man, the third officer of the ship), to set forth the gospel fully before them. He graciously ordered it that not only did they not scoff, but the Word evidently touched their consciences.
I had a conversation with Mr. R —. He, alas! is a thoroughly worldly man. He advised me to keep quiet, and not to speak to the people, “for fear of bringing ridicule on the cause.” You may judge of what sort he is. I feel it very trying being in the midst of unconverted people. I have nothing in common with them. Their hopes are all for time; mine are for eternity. I feel that I have now nothing more to do with the world but to tell them of the way of salvation, and warn them of the wrath to come, and that entire separation from the world, even from its best things, is the only right and happy way―is what God will bless. I hope I may find letters from you in New Zealand. My darling mother, I am now in a way and a degree that I have never been before, ―Your most truly grateful and loving son, G. W. G.
“Christ was willing to be given up to death for us, in order (as man) to gain the victory for us over death, and over him who had the power of death. By man came death, by man came resurrection. Glorious victory! Complete triumph! We come out of the state where sin and its consequences fully reached us. Evil cannot enter the place into which we are brought. We have crossed the frontiers forever.” J. N. D.