HAVING been requested to visit a Roman Catholic woman, who was then lying very ill in the Infirmary at E—with an attack of rheumatic fever, and quite unconcerned about her soul, after very much prayer that the Lord would use me in blessing, I set out one afternoon in the winter of 1880, with the hope of seeking her out, and having a word with her.
Not having, however, been able to ascertain rightly the ward in which she was, after a long and fruitless search, I was directed to one where I fully expected to see her; but on entering it, and finding myself mistaken, I determined to give up the search for the present, and speak instead to a few in that ward. Looking round, my eyes rested on the occupant of a bed near the door, a young girl about twenty, and advancing towards her, I asked how long she had been in the hospital, and if she felt herself better?
Thinking I had mistaken her for the person I had been in search of, she looked up, and smiling, said, "If you please, ma'am, you have made a mistake, I am not Mrs. M.;" whose name I had mentioned on entering the ward.
“Oh, I know that," I replied, "but as I have not succeeded in finding Mrs. M., and the Lord seems to have directed me here instead, I shall visit in this ward to-day.”
I then entered into a little conversation with her, and finding her willing to be spoken to, took a seat by her bedside. She told me she was from the far north, was quite a stranger in E—, having no near relative here but an aunt, and had only come into the hospital two days before. Seeing that she was in great suffering, I remarked what a blessed thing it was to be able to turn to the Lord Jesus in sickness and trouble, and asked her if she knew what it was to trust Him, and to turn to Him with confidence, and say, "MY LORD, AND MY GOD.”
“I am trying to know Him," she replied.
“Tell me now, how are you trying to' know Him?”
“By trying to keep His commandments," she answered.
“And do you succeed?" I said. "Do you find yourself able to keep His commandments?" "Oh no, indeed," was her reply.
“Well, then, what good is there in your trying,' when you have no power to do so? Until you come to Jesus, as a poor helpless sinner, and take Him as your Savior, trusting in His finished work alone on the Cross for you, you will have no power at all to do a single thing pleasing to Him, as man in his natural state is capable of doing what is only hateful to God, not being sufficient even to think a good thought, until by grace he receives that new nature, which the Lord bestows on every poor sinner who believes on Him. No amount of good works performed, when there is no saving knowledge of Jesus, can be acceptable to God, for He says, 'All your righteousnesses are as filthy rags,' and you know," I said," we could not dare to offer God filthy rags! We could not dare to approach such a GREAT AND HOLY BEING AS HE Is with any supposed righteousness of our own," and opening my Bible, I said," Listen now to what God's opinion is concerning man," and read the following Scriptures:—Job 15:14-16; 25: 4-614What is man, that he should be clean? and he which is born of a woman, that he should be righteous? 15Behold, he putteth no trust in his saints; yea, the heavens are not clean in his sight. 16How much more abominable and filthy is man, which drinketh iniquity like water? (Job 15:14‑16); Rom. 3:9-199What then? are we better than they? No, in no wise: for we have before proved both Jews and Gentiles, that they are all under sin; 10As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: 11There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. 12They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one. 13Their throat is an open sepulchre; with their tongues they have used deceit; the poison of asps is under their lips: 14Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness: 15Their feet are swift to shed blood: 16Destruction and misery are in their ways: 17And the way of peace have they not known: 18There is no fear of God before their eyes. 19Now we know that what things soever the law saith, it saith to them who are under the law: that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God. (Romans 3:9‑19).
Then I went on to show her how God in His wondrous grace, helpless as man's condition by nature was, had devised the means for his salvation, and thus opened the way, whereby the vilest sinner could approach Him with boldness and confidence.
Turning to John 3:1616For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16), and reading it twice over very slowly so as to give her time to take in its full meaning, I tried to explain God's willingness and readiness to save man, by showing Himself in the character of a GIVER. "God," I said, "unasked, GAVE His only begotten, well-beloved Son, that WHOSOEVER (which means you, me, or anybody else), believeth on Him should not perish, but have everlasting life!’ Would you not like to have everlasting life, and to know that all your sins are washed away, and will never be brought up in the judgment against you?”
“Oh yes, indeed, I would, dear lady," she replied, "but I thought no one could ever know whether their sins were forgiven till after death.”
“Well, let us look again at God's Word," I said, "and see what we are taught there, for, though you and I may make many mistakes, yet God never makes any, and the things which He intends us to know are told us very plainly.”
I then turned to John 5, and read the 24th verse, "Verily, verily I say unto you, he that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, HATH everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation, but is passed from death unto life," and turning also to the 1st Epistle of St. John, I read the 11th, 12th, and 13th verses of the 5th chapter, and said," You now have been hearing His word, but do you BELIEVE IT?”
While tears coursed their way down her cheeks, with a tremulous voice she replied, "Oh, dear lady, I wish to believe it, I wish to believe it! How kind of you to take such an interest in a poor servant girl like me; I never had any one to speak so plainly and faithfully to me before, about my soul, but I remember a young man, who came in the boat with me from W—said something to me like what you have said, but as he did not explain the Scriptures, I could not understand him. Will you pray for me, dear lady, and come again to see me? Do promise me that you will?”
After assuring her, that I certainly would be happy to do both, the Lord permitting me, I rose to leave, for the visiting hour was over, and I was afraid I might perhaps have already wearied her.
Bidding her good-bye, I said, "I shall leave you these two Scriptures particularly, to think ever, John 3:1616For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16), and v. 24 and if the Lord spare me, I shall hope to call again in about a week's time and see you." Offering her a small cake which I had held in my hand, I said, "Will you accept this?”
Seemingly touched with the kindness, she took it gratefully, and looking up into my face with a sweet smile, uttered a hearty, "Thank you, dear lady.”
Returning her smile, I bent over her, and said, "What did you do just now?" With a little look of surprise, she replied, "You gave me the cake, and I took it." "Yes," I said, "and thanked me for it! Now, can you not in the same simple way, accept the gift of Everlasting Life, that God has this day employed me, as His messenger, to offer you, by taking Christ as your Savior, and bless and thank Him for it?" I then shook her hand once more, promising again to come and see her, and left.
Two days after our last interview, I set out once more to the hospital. As I entered the ward, and approached her bedside, it was easy to tell at a glance that a great change had taken place in her. I determined, however, to make no remark, but to leave her to break the silence first.
With her face beaming full of joy, and her band stretched out ready to greet me, she raised herself up in bed, and said, " Oh, dear lady, I am so happy to see you, and happy to tell you that I have come to Jesus, and I do believe on Him now as my Savior. I see that no good works of mine, but Jesus only, can save me. After you left me last Wednesday, I thought over all you had been saying, and read the Scriptures you left with me, and while I laid awake at night, going over all our conversation, for I could not sleep for thinking, about two o'clock in the morning, the light came streaming into my soul, and I can't tell you what I have felt ever since. I was longing for the day to come round again, for you to visit me. I bless God for sending me here, and I feel I shall always love this place now, for it was here that I first learned about Jesus. My pain seems nothing to me now, for my mind is at rest, and everything seems so different. Oh, dear lady, there was no mistake in your coming to this ward, for it must have been God who sent you here.
I am longing now to write and tell my dear mother the change that has taken place in me, for I used to say to her, I did not think I should ever be converted, unless I got some great shock, or fright!”
“Well, I said, you see how tender and gracious the Lord is, tor He did not use this way of bringing you to Himself, did He? "Her eyes filling with tears, she replied," No, He did it so sweetly, and oh, dear lady, I do thank you for speaking to me so plainly.”
She lay in the ward some weeks longer, during which time I visited her regularly, and had the opportunity of many interesting conversations with her, on the things of God, and of watching her growth in spiritual life. After a fortnight spent at the Convalescent Home, she was considered sufficiently recovered to return to her situation in the country, and on leaving, begged me to write to her, and come and see her sometimes, which I promised to do. The family she served, being unconverted, and the village possessing but few spiritual privileges, she naturally felt a great reluctance to return there, but as the place had been kept open for her during her illness, I told her she would be expected to return, but the Lord, I felt sure, would care for her if, in simple dependence on Him, she sought to do her work, and to witness for Him, by a consistent Christian walk, which He might be pleased to own, in blessing to the family.
I kept my promise of writing to her, sending her little books for reading also, and about a month after her return to her situation, having received an urgent request that I would go and see her, went on a day that she had told me, she would be more free.
On ringing the door bell of the house, which I expected to be answered by herself, the door was opened by a member of the family, whom I asked if I might be allowed to speak to H. for a few minutes. With a not very pleasant manner, I was ushered into the drawing-room, where I soon found myself face to face with the master of the house. I told him the object of my call, and said, that having visited his servant during her illness in the Infirmary, I was greatly interested in her, and had promised to call and see her. I should feel obliged, therefore, if it would be convenient for him, to allow me to do so?
Assuming an air of dignity and importance, he informed me that he could not allow me to see his servant. He was master and head of his own house, and had told her that he would not permit any intercourse between us; that no Letters, books, or tracts, should be sent to her, and that he had requested her to return to me those she had already received, as he did not gree with me in my teaching, and "what is more" he added, "the girl herself does not wish, or care about your coming to see her.”
"Would you allow me," I said, "just to see her for two minutes in your presence, and ask er, if that is really her desire?" With a peremptory tone and manner: he replied, “No, I will not; my servant is not in any way indebted to you, and you have no claim whatever upon her! I do not know what you have been saying to her, but whatever you have said, seems to have had a very strange effect upon her, and the girl is very different from what she was. She has become so quiet and changed in her manner. Young people should be light-hearted and cheerful, instead of being so thoughtful and grave, as she seems to be!”
“Well "I replied," the knowledge of what God has done for her soul must make her ' thoughtful and grave,' but she has assured me over and over again, that she has never known what it was to be really happy till now that she has got to know Jesus as her Savior, for the knowledge of the love of God to her as a poor lost sinner, is the only thing that could produce true happiness, and, "I added," it is only as poor lost sinners, that we must, any of us, come to Him for pardon and salvation! None, who are unwilling to come as such, can ever know the joy of His salvation.”
So saying, and finding that he was determined I should not see his servant, I rose and took my leave.
As days and weeks quickly followed each other, and no tidings came of H. M., I continued in earnest prayer for her, and left her in the Lord's keeping.
After the lapse of about three months, as I was coming out after the meeting one Lord's day morning. I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, and on turning round, was accosted by a friend, who said, "I wish to say something to you for a minute!" Drawing me aside, she added, "There's a young girl in the infirmary, who is very anxious to see you; she asked me to tell you her name, and to say that you had kindly visited her before and would be so glad if you could go to her." My heart instantly rose up in praise to the Lord for His goodness in answering prayer so graciously, and I assured my friend that I would lose no time in doing so. Accordingly, a day or two after, I hastened to the hospital, and entered the ward in which she lay. As soon as she saw me, she covered her face with both her hands, and bursting into tears, exclaimed, "Oh, is it true that the answer to my prayer has come at last, and that God has sent you once more t(., me? Oh, dear lady, how I have been asking Him that we might meet again.”
She then went on to relate a series of annoyances she had been subject to, and how the continual fretting at not being permitted to have any intercourse with me had resulted in the breaking down of her health once more, till she was thankful to find herself again in the hospital. On hearing that she had been a fortnight in the Infirmary, I said, “How is it you did not let me know sooner that you were here?” She replied," After the treatment you received from my master on my account, I was afraid you might not wish or care to have anything more to do with me, but I felt that I really could not exist any longer here without seeing you, so when I listened to what Miss—was saying to another patient in the ward, and found it was just what you had taught me, I thought I would make bold to speak to her. Finding that she knew you, I asked her to let you know that I was here. I have now left my situation, "she continued," and no one shall hinder me from seeing you, and enjoying your visits, so, dear lady, promise me, Oh do promise me, that you will come and see me, and read and explain God's Word to me as you used to before!”
I did not find it hard to promise this, but as I was on the eve of leaving home for a few weeks, I told her I would write to her while I was away, and on my return resume my regular visits, but would ask Miss— in the meanwhile to go and see her sometimes.
During my absence I received some touching letters from her, telling me how she was counting the days when I should be back, and sneaking of the Lord's goodness to her in the midst of all her suffering and pain, and asking to be remembered much in prayer.
A day or two after I got back, I hastened once more to the hospital, and spent a happy hour with her over God's Word, and from that day visited her regularly every week, with very rare exceptions, up to the time of her death. She used often to say, "When anything troubles or vexes me, or if there is any passage of Scripture I don't understand, I always keep it to talk over on the Wednesday, and I long so for your visits. I hope, dear lady, you don't take it a liberty, but I feel as if I must tell you all that is in my heart!”
Fearing lest she should be leaning too much on an earthly prop, I replied, "Oh, I do not consider it any liberty whatever, and am pleased to have your confidence, still I must remind you, that we are commanded not to put our trust in man; besides which there are times when I could not be near you, but the Lord is ALWAYS at hand, and He is an ever present Friend, and will never disappoint those who trust in Him." Here I quoted Jer. 17:7-97Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. 8For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit. 9The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:7‑9), and Psa. 62:88Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah. (Psalm 62:8).
It was beautiful to see her child-like simplicity, and to watch the gradual unfolding of the Spirit's work within.
Thus weeks and months rolled on, and she still continued in the hospital, her health at times seemed to improve, and again to relapse, but she never lost hopes of her ultimate recovery till just a fortnight before her death, when I was speaking to her on Psa. 16 dwelling more on the words, "IN THY PRESENCE IS Fullness OF JOY!" She had been listening very attentively to all I had been saying, and with a far-off look in her eyes, which I could not help being struck with at the time, but little did I think then how soon she was to be ushered into that presence, and realize the truth of His own Word! Presently she said, "Excuse my speaking, ma'am, but I think that God is soon going to take me away from here, for I have been feeling so peculiarly happy the last few days, as if I had got a sight of heaven, and could not remain long here now. I am ready to go any moment when God calls me, and do not mind how soon it is. I am sure now, that I shall not get better. There's only one thing I should like if it be the Lord's will, and that is, to see my dear mother once more, for I love my mother as I love my life.”
“Would you like me," I said, "to write to her, and tell her your wish?" Fearing lest the sight of a stranger's handwriting might agitate and unset her mother, she replied, "Thank you, dear lady, but I would not like my dear mother to be made anxious on my account, so as I am not very bad, I think I will send her a line myself, and that will cheer her.”
During the next two weeks, sickness at home, together with the severity of the weather, and my own indisposition, prevented my going to see her, though there was scarcely a day but what she was in my thoughts, and remembered also in prayer.
One afternoon a friend called with a message from the infirmary to tell me that a young woman whose name she could not remember, but which I at once guessed, was dying, and wished very much to see me before she passed away.
The intelligence gave me quite a shock, for though she had spoken as she did on the occasion of our last interview, I had not the least idea that death was really so near, for she looked so well and bright! Hastily getting dressed, with the help of my friend's arm, I managed to wade through the deep snow, and was thankful to reach the hospital. On entering the ward, and approaching her bedside, I was met by her mother, who had been telegraphed for from W-, and she shook me by the hand warmly, saying, "She has been asking for you all the time!”
H—lay quite motionless, and her features had assumed a rigid look, with the stamp of death on them, so I thought she was really gone, and that I had come too late!
Presently, however, she opened her eyes, and being told she was quite conscious, though deaf through weakness, I stooped, and speaking into her ear, said, "Miss —has come to see you, and bid you good-bye!" At the sound of my voice she made an exclamation of delight, and then I said, "You are going home to be with JESUS" "Yes," she replied, "I am going to GLORY; and then, in a voice touchingly sweet and almost unearthly, began to sing," I am going to glory, to GLORY, to GLORY," and as the last note died away she sank back exhausted, though still quite conscious. I quoted the following texts," Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints "(Psa. 116:1515Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints. (Psalm 116:15)), and" Blessed are the dead, which die in the Lord from henceforth, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labors," &c. (Rev. 14:1313And I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Write, Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labors; and their works do follow them. (Revelation 14:13)), and after a little, I said, "Jesus is very near to you, is He not?" "Yes," she replied, with marked emphasis, "and has been all along! Did I not tell you, Miss when I last saw you, that I felt so happy, I was sure I was not to be left here long, and you see it has come to pass. Dear lady, give me your hand," and on placing mine in hers, she turned round, and made an effort to embrace me, trying at the same time to say something, but a weak turn came over her, and though her lips moved, I could not catch what she muttered.
Soon after this she began to wander, never losing sight, however, of the fact that her mother and I were watching her. I had sat by her for nearly two hours, and finding that it was getting very late, and also dark, and that nothing could really be done for her, I stooped, and kissing her on the forehead, took a last farewell; then turning round, I said a few words to the weeping mother and the friends, who by this time had gathered round her bed, and left with my heart very full.
I blessed the Lord for enabling His poor weak dying child to testify so brightly to the sweetness of redeeming love, and for permitting me to be a witness of it all, and prayed that fruit might yet redound to His praise and glory!
On the following day, I called again at the Infirmary to gain a few more particulars about her. The nurse met me at the door of the ward, and informed me that she passed away peacefully at five minutes to ten that morning, and that her death had been much felt by all the other patients for she was much liked and respected, as her conduct had always been so exemplary.
During the latter part of her illness H. was visited by other children of God as well as myself, and was always delighted to enter into conversation with anyone who was willing to instruct her in things of the Lord. Her death took place just two days after the anniversary of her conversion.
In conversation with her dear mother after the funeral, I was told that H. took an early opportunity soon after her arrival from while consciousness lasted, to press the Gospel upon her, and said, "Oh, mother dear, God is a GIVER, and you must come to Him as a receiver," here quoting the very Scripture the Lord had been pleased to use in blessing to her own soul (St. John 3:1616For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)), and added, "Don't let your family cares or duties take up your thoughts so much, that you have no time to think about your soul, for your soul is precious, and of far more value than your poor body. Go down upon your knees to God, mother dear, and if you cannot get quiet in this ward to do so, go and shut yourself up where you will not be disturbed, and take Jesus as your Savior, and bless and thank Him for all His goodness and love to me!”
Reader, whoever you are, into whose hands this paper may fall, if you know not Him as the One who died to save you, will you not come to Him now in the same simple way in which this young girl did, and instead of trusting to your own good works, or waiting till you can better or improve yourself in any way, just take God at His own word. Believe in Jesus Christ, and be saved?
Then you, too, will be able to testify to the preciousness of His love during your life, and in the hour of death be able to say, if not sing, "I am going to glory, to GLORY, to GLORY!" L. L. M.