The following letter will be read with interest. It is from the pen of one recently brought to the feet of Jesus, after a dark career of guilt and folly. He is the son of christian parents, whose many prayers have been answered in his decided conversion to Christ. We insert it in our pages with a threefold object: first, that the grace of God may be magnified; secondly, that christian parents may be encouraged to persevere in prayer for their unconverted children; and, thirdly, that some of our readers may reap profit from the truth contained therein.
13th Sept. 1861.
My dear Friend,
I have again to thank you for your letter, which sundry little worldly matters prevented me from responding to earlier. With advertence to my remarks in my former letter as to living without sin, I fear that I did not make myself quite intelligible.
I have no idea that I shall at any future period of my race for a glorious and immortal crown, be in such a state as to feel able to do without a Saviour’s intercession, which state I certainly should have attained to, if I was able to exist without sin, as that alone caused the separation between me and God, and made the office of a mediator necessary. But when I look on myself, and (God having mercifully opened my eyes) see what a degraded, sinful thing I am, I certainly do hate sin, and most longingly wish that there was nothing in me to grieve so long-suffering a God. Oh, how long-suffering, none can tell better than I.
I cannot but think that there has been an unusual display of mercy in my case. Men who have led a so-called moral life, can have no better than a dreamy conception of the depths of sin into which men can plunge. I have myself considerable experience in sin of the lowest grade—and of one thing I am convinced, that I never yet met with any man who drank so largely of sin. I dare not tell even a child of God what a life I have passed, lest he should doubt that my conversion was genuine. I have read of most of the proverbially-hardened sinners, but have not yet met a parallel case to my own. Oh! when I think of it, ought I not to long to be without sin, however high above my aim the state may be. What a mercy that God did not leave me alone.
I have been many times under conviction of sin, and very anxious; but in no case did the anxiety remain long in my heart. How hard it must be to blunt so many pointed shafts!
It was while listening to Paul’s description of the love of God, in Rom. 8, that I last felt that I had no desire to share in that love; for the idea most prominent in my mind was, that as there must be a last time for everything under the sun to take place, it was possible, and highly probable, that this was the last time that God would knock at my heart. And, oh, the despair that filled my soul, until, after six days, the Spirit answered with the blood, and told me I was born of God.
I cannot recall any point so deeply engraved on my memory, in my most adventurous life, as that moment in which I felt that I was inseparable from Jesus. The change was not a gradual one, but sharp and sudden. From the despairing criminal to the pardoned child, full of peace in his Father’s love, was but one instant.
My heart feels for the poor soul which, awakened to its need has no child of God to lead it to the fountain of life to drink. God dealt mercifully with me in sending me guides to point to the foot of the cross, where, God helping me, I take my stand; that hallowed place where nothing but blood can meet the eye of God, and consequently my sins must remain unseen.
Yours affectionately in Jesus,