I was studying the Old Testament, and the more I read it, the more I saw that just being a Jew would never save me. I must have something better than my fastings and prayers. God told me in His Word what I deeply realized — I was a sinful creature — and I often prayed to Him to “wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin” (Psalm 51:22Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. (Psalm 51:2)).
After eight months of studying the Old Testament, I resolved to read the New Testament also, and during this reading it pleased God to open my eyes to see and my heart to receive the Lord Jesus as my Redeemer. Nothing can adequately describe the intense joy of my soul — I was just overcome with the love of the lovely Jesus. I fell on my knees, but my heart was so full with the consciousness that all my sins were forgiven that all I could say was, “Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!”
What About My Wife?
Two months passed after this happy experience of being born again. Now I felt deeply for my poor wife, and I earnestly prayed for her conversion. I prayed with tears that she would feel her sins and come to the Friend of sinners, the Lord Jesus Christ.
I felt I must tell her of the great change which had taken place in me and of my need to make a public confession of my faith in Christ. I didn’t know how to do it!
I knew her bitter opposition to the Lord Jesus Christ. The loving smiles she once gave me when I came home in the evening were now few and far between. At last one evening when I came home, she was more cheerful and like herself. She welcomed me with her usual loving greeting, and I thought that the time had come when I could best communicate to her the desire of my heart. I asked the Lord to help me.
After the children were in bed and we were quietly talking together, I said, “My dear, I have something to tell you which I hope won’t hurt or upset you. You must have seen that I’m not what I once was; in fact, I’m a Christian, and I am anxious to confess Jesus publicly.”
She looked in my face and gave me one of her own loving smiles, and said, “How very strange! This very evening I planned to talk to you on the very same subject. About a month ago I found the hiding place of your New Testament, and at first I said to myself, ‘He’ll never see that again; it’ll go into the fire.’
“As I was about to throw it into the flames, I thought I would just see what rubbish there was in it, and the first words my eyes fell on were these: ‘Let not your heart be troubled; ye believe in God, believe also in Me’ (John 14:11Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. (John 14:1)). I could not believe my own eyes, and I looked again.
“‘Yes,’ I said, ‘they’re there!’ I was in ‘trouble,’ and I ‘believed in God,’ and, must I believe in Jesus too? I cannot tell what comforting thoughts these were to my heart. I read the whole chapter and I felt so happy that, instead of putting it into the fire, I replaced it where I found it. I’ve read it again every day since then, and all I have discovered in it has been wisdom and love.
“This morning I read Matthew 27. I wept bitterly over what Jesus suffered for sinners, and while I was reading and weeping, it was as if a loving voice said, ‘It’s all for you; I’ve endured all this for you.’ ‘For me, Lord?’ I asked. ‘Then I will believe. Help Thou my unbelief!’ I then cried for joy, and I felt such peace in my soul as I had never felt before,” and here my dear wife burst into tears again.
I was not in the least prepared for this unexpected and joyful news. My cup of blessing seemed to be too full for me, and we wept together like children. For the first time we knelt together to praise God for His matchless love towards us. I could hardly sleep for joy!
I woke early the next morning with a peace in my soul which I’d never known before, and I went to the office feeling that I was the happiest man in the world. “What more do I want?” I repeated to myself as I was hurrying along the busy streets: “I’m a Christian; I know I am. God’s Spirit bears witness with my spirit that I am a child of God. Now my only desire and prayer to God is to see our children loving and serving that precious Jesus whom we love.”