I have a profound conviction that the question with God, and that in grace on His part, goes much deeper than the particular evil which gave occasion to the break up of Plymouth. I agree with all you say, but if it was the negation of evil, the case would be sad, because I have never found, though this be a bounden duty, that it sufficed to gather. I believe at my deliverance from bondage in 1827-8, God opened up certain truths needed for the church. I believe that, though holding and seeking to help souls by them, for what was called peace and union, I swamped them- had not faith to make them good in service. I do not enter into all the questions of how far it was permitted, or how far grace entered, or natural dislike of conflict, but so it was. God would not allow this; and what was founded on this unfaithfulness, and associated with what was opposed, was broken up. I have no regret at this now, though the passage was painful. It is the grand reason why I have left the exercise to go on without interfering. It is no use attempting to daub with untempered mortar.
I have, as you know, long said that for my part I begin again, that my proper work now begins. In saying this, I only confess my unfaithfulness, but on the other hand it is an encouragement, for to begin with God is always an encouragement. He has never lost time- alas, we often. But I have faith in what I believe, only I feel it humbling even that God should be obliged (so to speak) to do so much outside what I am confident is His truth. It does not enough absorb the work. This however is true, that the truth now given by grace is not merely foundation, and elementary, as at the Reformation, but while setting that again on its true basis, builds up and brings out that needed for the latter days- that which was earliest, and always, is soonest lost- "holding the head from whence the whole body," &c. Hence people can content themselves with a certain Christianity which saves, which gives elementary truth, which has delivered from Popish corruption and the like, without that which puts faith to the test.
But the question will go, I do not doubt, on large grounds in England. It is the question which is now exercising it as to prophecy. This will require patience, for the great body have not the ground on which to judge these questions: they have not faith in the doctrine of the church. Now Ebrington Street, brought down to its worst form, was not ignorance but opposition to this truth, which is what God would have brought out, and- as the corruption of what was best is the worst corruption- was gone as far as possible.
Negations are nothing to build on, though conscience be a ground of conduct. This many have not understood, and because separation from evil may have been a duty, have supposed it to be a ground of union and gathering. It is not such. I should have been much disposed to begin afresh at ____, not as rejecting many dear brethren, far from it, but that they and I might enjoy together the refreshings of God's love in joy and peace: and this is a general principle with me. Perhaps continuance at _____ might have got it on this ground, but across many wearisome difficulties.
As to the judgment they form of my separation and all the rest, even supposing there might be mistakes, I am more indifferent than as to the form of the paper I am writing on: because they have no perception at all, I am satisfied, either of the principles on which I acted, nor on which God has dealt, nor on which He would have us to act.
The only point on which I ever have questioned whether I might have acted better or more wisely, they know nothing about, nor anyone else. I bless God for it now, though that does not justify me, for I do not think I knew, or in a certain sense ought to have known, the evil of Ebrington Street, the least as I know it now. I leave all that, their judgment and their course, entirely out of question.
I should in England, as indeed I have done, go on my own ground, the Lord's I believe, and if they liked to come on that, well- if not, well. I shall go on no other; alone, or with beloved brethren, I shall go on what I believe the Lord wills I should go on. I am quite decided to walk in what I am satisfied is the Lord's. If they do not like it, I have no desire nor thought of quarreling: we shall not walk together. The Lord will judge who is right. That judgment I accept beforehand, and bow to it with my whole heart. Hence it is I am in no hurry, and I may add, full of confidence. I see abundant failure in myself, but it is not where others see it, but just the contrary; but I believe in the Lord's grace.
I believe He has confided a testimony to me, however feeble I may be and unworthy. I do not say that to the exclusion of others of His servants, but as that for which I am responsible. I believe I failed in it, and I trust now in my little measure I may not. Until I am myself in England, I refrain from all interference in what passes there, because I wait upon God, not being yet called upon to act. The cloud seems rising to lead me back.... In general there is considerable blessing in the work, with the usual opposition.
Affectionately yours in the Lord, February, 1851. J. N. D.