Des Moines, Iowa, October 8, 1902.
My Dear
... The matter of which you write as to—— calls for serious exercise before God. Harsh criticism is all out of place, and only shows that those who do so have not the mind of Christ. I wonder how many of those who are treating him ungraciously have been praying for him, and, like the priests, eating the sin-offering in the holy place—making his sin their own, and bearing him up in intercession before God!
Love, instead of throwing stones at the erring, seeks their restoration, and those who do not seek this are themselves in a wrong state.
I hope the brethren may lay this to heart before God instead of simply condemning those they think have done wrong.
If anything is done by the brethren, the greatest possible care is needed. What is desired is restoration of soul, and great care is needed not to drive away an offending brother.
The mere fact of marriage itself I think ought not to be touched. Both were in the meeting; and both were free. There was no legal barrier, and so this must be left to them and to the Lord.
Where—has failed, I think, has been manifested in three points. He may, or may not have failed in making his choice — may or may not have had the Lord’s mind in this, and this must be left between him and the Lord. But he has failed, first, in resenting the remonstrances of his brethren. They, it seems, believed he was making a mistake, and tried to set this before him. Instead of getting angry, he should have received this kindly, and thanked them, while laying the matter before the Lord. To say it was “nobody’s business” was to adopt the evil principle of Cain who asked, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” Either must adopt the sentiment of Cain, or else admit that we have a brotherly interest in, and care over, each other. And why should he get angry at those who showed this care?
In the second place he failed grievously toward his children in not considering their feelings in the matter, and in not letting them know of the intended marriage until the last moment. This, I think, was very sad. He may say it was nobody’s business, but it was in a secondary way, at least, the business of all who will be affected by the new relationship. The responsibility was his, but the interests theirs as well as his. And it was not right for him not to allow this consideration.
In the third place he failed very sadly in taking the Lord’s day for the marriage. I have no doubt it has amounted to a public scandal, and it deserves rebuke. And until he owns his failure in this respect it will close his mouth forever against dealing with others as to any breach of that day.
In these respects he has failed, I think, clearly. I should think the thing would be to seek to exercise his conscience on these points, so that he might be led to own his faults to the Lord and to his brethren.
It is no question of putting away from the Lord’s table, but rather “Ye which are spiritual restore such an one in the spirit of meekness” (Gal. 6:11Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. (Galatians 6:1)). The assembly might enter its protest against the abuse of the Lord’s day.
— has made an utterly false step in deciding to stay away from the meeting. In doing so he judges the whole assembly, and that when the assembly has done nothing. Individuals may have acted ungraciously, but that is not the assembly. And his step in this respect virtually amounts to self-excommunication. How could he have reached such a point without having got away from the Lord in his soul?
I hope much grace, wisdom and patience may be given to the brethren in their handling of this matter. It is too serious a matter to be treated lightly or carelessly. And no one is fit to act in the matter without first humbling himself before God. Let it be remembered that the great end to be kept in view is the restoration of a failing brother, according to the truth of God. And for this the brethren need to be cast upon God who alone is able. I do not think I can say more at present.