We need not linger over the weary years during which Bunyan tried so hard to earn or buy the salvation that was offered to him "without money and without price" as the free gift of God. His outward reformation continued and soon became the talk of his neighbors, who were surprised, as he himself said, "as well they might be," at the change in his words and ways.
Sometimes he was very well satisfied with himself and thought that he had become "a godly man," but his comfort, such as it was, did not last long. The good opinion of his neighbors could not give him rest of heart or peace of conscience, for such words as, "The Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart" (1 Sam. 16:77But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7)), would seem to stand out as if written in letters of light from the pages of his Bible, and he knew his heart was not right with God.
Looking within for any ground of hope, for any assurance of pardon, is poor, weary work; it is not until the eye of faith rests upon the Lord Jesus and His finished work that the peace and joy of known forgiveness fill the soul, and for John Bunyan that moment was very near. He tells us how, when thinking one day of the sinfulness of his own heart, the scripture came with power to his soul, "[HE HATH] MADE PEACE BY THE BLOOD OF HIS CROSS." Again and again the words seemed repeated, each time with fresh power and light, and he saw that what he had been so long and vainly trying to DO had been DONE by Another, and that One was the Son of God.
"From that moment," he said, "I saw that through the blood, God and my soul were friends," and he rejoiced in the gladness of the Father's welcome, the sweetness of the Father's kiss. His tears fell fast, but they were not tears of sorrow but of joy, as he praised God for His abounding mercy.
Very soon after he came upon an old copy of Martin Luther's writing on the Epistle of Paul to the Galatians. It must have been read and reread many times, for it was so tattered and worn that he thought it must fall to pieces every time he turned its pages. But as he read, he found to his wonder and delight that another had traveled by the same road of weary, hopeless effort to make himself pleasing to God, and another had found rest and peace just where he had found it, in the finished work of Christ.
Though he was often sorely tempted to think that he had deceived himself by believing that his many sins could have been forgiven, the written word, "The blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanseth us from all sin" (1 John 1:77But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. (1 John 1:7)), was again and again used by the Holy Spirit to restore to him the joy of salvation.
Long before this time he had found a little company of the Lord's people then meeting at Bedford, who became very dear to him. Among his special friends were the three poor but godly women whose conversation about the things of God, as they sat together in a doorway, had so impressed him.
About the year 1655 he left his native village and with his wife and two little daughters, Mary and Elizabeth, went to live in Bedford. Soon after his first wife died, and then he lost a Christian friend to whose counsel and spiritual help he owed so much.
In his second marriage he again found a true helpmeet, one who loved and understood him and, wherever it was possible, helped him in his work. His Bedford friends, knowing him to be an earnest Christian, a ready speaker, and feeling sure that he had the needed gift, asked him to preach to them. The request took him by surprise, but after much waiting upon God in prayer he consented. The Lord blessed the simple gospel service, and requests for his help came in from all the villages for miles around. While his Sundays, and often his weeknight evenings, were thus employed, he still worked at his trade, and with the blessing of the Lord upon his industry and perseverance he was able to support his family with some degree of comfort.
Wherever it became known that he was expected to preach, crowds gathered to hear him, and though some, perhaps, were only curious to know what the "tinker" would have to say, numbers were aroused to a real concern about eternal things, and many were converted. He often asked himself, Should I not in simple faith give myself wholly to the work of the Lord? He waited often and much upon God in prayer. The good Master he served had said to Andrew and Peter, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men" (Matt. 4:1919And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. (Matthew 4:19)), and in the secret of his soul John Bunyan knew that the call of God had come to him, and he must not, dared not, disobey.
At first he found it hard to believe that God could or would speak by his lips to any. The sense of his own unworthiness would often cast a dark shadow upon his spirit, and yet he seemed to have no choice but to go on telling others what God had done for his soul. He tells us that before and after preaching he always felt greatly humbled and cast down; still he must go on.
Many saw and owned his gifts as a preacher. Perhaps the secret of his power was the simple, wholehearted way in which he believed the truth of what he sought to impress upon others. To him the pardoning grace of God and the love of Christ were very real.
Going one weekday to preach in a village near Cambridge, a great number of people had gathered to hear him. A Cambridge scholar passing at the time asked the meaning of the crowd and was told that John Bunyan, the tinker, was going to preach. Calling a boy who stood near, he gave him twopence to hold his horse, saying in a careless, offhand way, "I never heard a tinker preach, so I think I'll stop and hear what the fellow has to say." The gospel message was blessed to his conversion, and he afterward became an earnest preacher and one greatly used by God.
On another occasion, as he was going to preach, he was met by a professor, a man of great learning, who asked him how he dared to preach, not having the original Scriptures. Bunyan replied by saying, "Have you the original scriptures, sir, those that were written by the apostles and prophets?" "No, I cannot say that I have, but I have what I believe to be a true copy." "And I," said Bunyan, "have the English Bible, which I also believe to be a true copy." The professor passed on.