The Raising of Children: April 2021
Table of Contents
Theme
Parents have two great responsibilities in the raising of their children. First, they are to raise them to know God and to trust Him. Second, they are to raise their children to be like Christ. They are to raise their children first and foremost in view of eternity. “This is the eternal life, that they should know Thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom Thou hast sent” (John 17:3 JnD). If the child does not come to know God, His heart, His Son and His perfect obedient life, then that child’s life is an eternal waste. Parents must be trained themselves before they can properly raise their children. They cannot teach what they have not learned themselves. Parents who have not learned to trust God’s love and to obey the Lord are not fitted to raise their child to trust God’s love and to be like Christ, God’s submissive, obedient Son. The parents who traveled with Moses spent 40 years in God’s training school in order to learn how to raise children. “The Lord thy God led thee these forty years ... to humble thee ... to prove thee ... to know what was in thine heart” (Deut. 8:2). To know God’s heart, we must learn what is in our own heart. This learning humbles us. When we have learned to “lay up these My words in your heart and in your soul,” then “ye shall teach them your children” (Deut. 11:18-19). To help parents raise their child, God has given one commandment to the child: “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord” (Col. 3:20).
Happy Children
Parenting is such a wonderful privilege. “Children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is His reward” (Psa. 127:3). Along with every privilege comes responsibility, which includes caring for your children physically, teaching them about the Lord, developing their strengths, and recognizing and working on their weaknesses. Another very important part of raising children is “training up a child in the way he should go” and “bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Thankfully, the Word of God gives us beneficial instruction on how to carry out correction so that our children can learn the way of obedience and happiness.
Before we seek to receive something from God’s Word, it is necessary to establish that God’s Word is our final authority. This means we must take God at His Word to reap the blessing He intends. The new Christians at Thessalonica were commended by Paul who said, “When ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe” (1 Thess. 2:13). The key was that they accepted what God said (delivered by the Holy Spirit through Paul) as the Word of God rather than the word of men. Today, we also receive perfect instruction by accepting as true what God has said. This applies to all situations and responsibilities of our lives, including the discipline of children. From this foundation let us consider what God has for parents in correcting and instructing their children.
Obedience and Submission
The Word of God provides perfect wisdom for every situation and experience of life, and thankfully the Lord gives guidance, encouragement and instruction so that parents can know God’s thoughts on instructing, nurturing and disciplining their children. The Bible also teaches us that obedience and submission are the path of happiness for all of us, whereas willfulness and doing whatever is right in our own eyes brings sorrow. This is true of adults and all ages of children. The challenge and blessing of being a parent is that you have the responsibility both to nurture and admonish your child, to help them come to the point of repentance toward God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.
The Sin Nature
Psalm 51:5 says, “Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.” This verse was written by David when he was openly confessing sin in his life. David’s prayer revealed that he had been brought to see what was true, that he possessed a sin nature and there was nothing good within himself. In his brokenness, God uses him to state what is true of every child born into this world; namely, that they have a sin nature inherited from their parents. Why is it important for us to recognize this condition? The reason is this: If we acknowledge what God has said is true — that our children from their first breath have a sin nature—then we quickly ask, How can I help them acknowledge their sin and call upon the Lord for salvation? Once we realize their condition and search God’s Word, we find that the “rod of correction” is one of the ways God has given to help us discipline our children. Our goal is to help our children learn what God has determined is right and wrong, so that early in life our child cries out in repentance, as David did when his sin was set before him.
Instruction
Proverbs 12:1 Says, “Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof is brutish [stupid].” Here we learn that instruction (which includes being told both what is right and what is wrong) is the key to gaining knowledge. Correction is necessary and beneficial, and love is not suspended during discipline.
Correction
Proverbs 13:24 tells us, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” From this verse God clearly states that one proof of parents’ love for their child is shown by their willingness to discipline their child at the right time. Here we learn the motive for correction; the motive is love. Based on this verse we learn that love in action is demonstrated by proper discipline. Or stated another way: A proof of parents’ love is their willingness to take up with proper discipline. This is helpful and reassuring to grasp, as sometimes we hear, “I could never spank my children as I love them too much.” Taking this verse in all its simplicity and truth, we come to realize that the thought of withholding necessary correction on the grounds of “love” does not align with the teaching of God’s Word.
Proverbs 23:13-14 says, “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.” All parents want to do whatever they can to deliver their child from natural harms. We would consider it quite strange if parents ignored obvious dangers and did not instruct their children and hold them back from harm. Surely, we can agree that hell is the greatest danger our children face! Therefore, a parent should respond and seek to find deliverance. Thanks be to God, we have clear instruction to help bring deliverance; namely, the “rod of correction.” Should we not bow and humbly accept the plain instruction of God’s Word? In whatever measure we submit to God and His Word, we will be blessed.
Love and Chastening
“Whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom He receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the Father chasteneth not? Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but He for our profit, that we might be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby” (Heb. 12:6-7,9-11). We learn from this passage that correction should be expected as part of our Christian experience throughout life to bring us closer to God. Therefore, correction is beneficial and results in happiness (when received properly). Receiving this passage in all its simplicity and truth brings peace, for we begin to realize that God is molding us throughout life, and the more we accept correction, the more we have peace. God is doing it for our good. As parents we should see correcting our children as doing it for their good.
Peace and Happiness
We learn then from God’s Word that there is a path of peace and happiness when we accept correction as from the hand of the Lord. As parents we have a God-given responsibility to carry out correction. Here I want to add a practical comment that we learned over time—that is, that children learn from a very young age. They also express their own will at a very young age. For the ultimate blessing of your children, once you observe the expression of their own wills (arching their back, turning their head), the time has come to begin teaching them using proper and prayerful correction.
In closing, let us rest in the assurance that God’s way is best, and obedience brings blessing. Luke 5:1-11 gives a good example of blessing coming from obedience. Peter simply obeys the Lord’s request two times. First the Lord asked Peter to put his boat out so he could preach from the boat, and later the Lord asks Peter to “launch out into the deep.” Peter’s obedience to the Lord’s simple request brought such blessing! Obedience always benefits others as well as the obedient individual. Peter’s obedience benefited the Lord as he was able to preach from the boat without being pressed by the crowd, and it benefitted his friends as they caught so many fish the boat began to sink! When parents are obedient to the Lord, their whole family reaps the reward. Likewise, children learning to be obedient has a positive effect on the parents.
W. R. Hayhoe
"The Rod and Reproof Give Wisdom"
The above verse is found in Proverbs 29:15 and is most important. The latter part of the verse reads, “But a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” We get the same truth in the New Testament: “Ye fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4 JND). We notice that the phrase “of the Lord” is appended, for in this dispensation of grace the children of Christian parents are in a place of privilege, as they are to be raised under the Lordship of Christ. In these verses we have quoted, both the rod (discipline) and reproof (admonition) are mentioned. As we have noted throughout our discussion of raising children, and indeed in every area of our lives, balance is needed. Naturally, we tend to be creatures of extremes.
Reproof and Explanation
In our modern world where man is glorified and where it is often claimed that man is basically good, there is a large body of teaching about raising children that emphasizes reproof and explanation, as if this were all that is needed. The assumption is that if a child knows what is right and what is expected of him, he will do it. This, of course, ignores the fact that man has a sinful nature — a nature that wants to do its own will. Indeed the word “iniquity,” which is very frequently used for sin in the Word of God, simply means “lawlessness,” or the exercise of an independent will.
There are others who go to the opposite extreme and who largely ignore reproof, relying rather on stiff punishments to deter children from doing what is wrong. When this is the approach, children may be punished without really knowing why, and thus the bad behavior may be repeated. Also, unless discipline is accompanied with good teaching and the name of the Lord is brought in, children may become alienated from their parents, feeling that they are being punished only because the parent is bigger and stronger. As someone has aptly stated, “Rules without a relationship lead to rebellion.” Children may learn to obey certain rules out of fear, but rebellion will be the end result.
The Right Combination
It is needful to balance these things with our children, and again, only the Lord can give the necessary wisdom. Some children have very tender consciences and are far more sensitive to reproof than others. They may need relatively few actual punishments. Others are born with strong wills and, when they are young, may need rather frequent punishments to teach them. But for all children, a combination of the rod and reproof is necessary.
Today, in worldly circles, many reasons are given for not using the rod, but most of them assume that it is used in anger and with violence. Studies are referred to, which are alleged to prove that spanking does not work, but rather has a negative effect. But we never find this in the Word of God. God and His wisdom are utterly beyond man. “Let God be true, but every man a liar” (Rom. 3:4). In the Word of God we find the Lordship of Christ brought in, and thus Scripture speaks to both parents and children. Both are under the Lordship of Christ. A right attitude and spirit on the part of the parents is crucial to effective discipline.
When children are very young, it may be impossible to reason with them or offer an admonition. In such situations the rod must be used, especially if the situation involves the child’s setting his/her will directly against the parent. However, as they get older, the Word of God and the Lordship of Christ should be brought in, to show clearly that the particular sin is not merely against the parent, but ultimately against the Lord. I well remember a Christian woman, brought up in a Christian home, who related that whenever she was punished by her father (when she was old enough to remember), he would never leave her until she and he had knelt down and she had confessed to the Lord what she had done. This sometimes took a considerable amount of time, but she related how it had a real effect on her heart and conscience.
The Confirmation of Love
This brings up another point that is most important, namely, that after any punishment, it is necessary for the parents to confirm their love to the child. This will be difficult if the punishment is given in anger or frustration, and only confirms the need for discipline not to be carried out in this frame of mind. A father once disciplined his son, then came downstairs right away, leaving the son in his room. His wife wisely said, “You have not finished yet; you left your son crying alone in his room.” The father recognized his failure, went back upstairs and comforted his son, thus solidifying the lesson the boy needed to learn.
Dealing With the Will
But there is another point of supreme importance. Parents will find with some (and perhaps many) children that there comes a time, usually when they are less than three years old, when their will is set directly against that of the parent. The difficulty may involve what seems to be a trivial matter, but the will is strong, and the child refuses to obey. A real battle often ensues, and the parent may be tempted to give in, thinking that the whole episode is escalating out of control. I have known parents who worked with a child under these circumstances for some time, perhaps with both reproof and discipline, only to have a child who still refused to obey.
It is imperative that parents not give in, if this situation arises. Yes, if the child becomes totally agitated and distraught, it may be necessary to “take a break” and perhaps take up the matter later. Sometimes several sessions with that child may be needed, if the bad behavior is repeated. It will almost break your heart to see your little one, whom you love so much, display such stubbornness, with such a strong will. It hurts even more to have to continue working with that child until that will is shaped in the right way. Sometimes on occasions such as these I have known more than one mother who called her husband at work, asking him to come home and help her in the situation. Needless to say, he came home, and together they persisted before the Lord, until the child gave in. But once that issue is settled, the child seldom sets its will against the parent again. Yes, there may occasionally be failure later, but the will has been shaped, and the Lord has been honored.
Consequences
What happens if the parents give in, thinking that persistence is too hard? Then it will be even more difficult in the future, for having been allowed to win the battle a few times, the child will try even harder to exert its own will. Eventually parents will tend to give up. The world today (at least the Western world) is all too full of young people who have never learned to obey, to submit to authority, and to yield their own wills to that of another. A temper tantrum in a small child is frightening enough, but to see a teenager or young adult totally out of control is a disaster. As a result, we now need courses in “anger management,” and signs in stores and government offices advise people that rough and abusive language and violence will not be tolerated. These would not be needed if parents did their job properly.
We should not be surprised to see this trend out in the world, for the Lord has told us in His Word that in the last days “perilous times shall come” (2 Tim. 3:1). However, the Christian home ought to be a bastion of light and peace and a place where the Lordship of Christ is owned. Let us always remember that the wisdom of God is all we need for our pathway down here.
Obedience out of Fear
Once again, however, we must speak about balance, for we can go to extremes on both sides of this issue. On the one hand, parents may emphasize authority and submission, but in such a way that children obey largely out of fear. The atmosphere of the home suffers under such a parental regime, and children react to it like “scared rabbits.” This is not what the Word of God teaches. Love must be the motive spring for discipline, and children must be able to realize this. If children are fully persuaded of the love of their parents, it will make a huge difference in their acceptance of admonition and occasional discipline. The administering of discipline is never pleasant at the time, but “afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby” (Heb. 12:11). If a child is firmly convinced of a parent’s love, it will stimulate the needed exercise in discipline, and thus bring about the “peaceable fruit of righteousness.”
Authority Abdicated
On the other hand, it is possible to go to the other extreme, where parents abdicate their God-given authority and allow children openly to disobey. I have known children in Christian homes who did not obey until they were spoken to several times, or until the parent began to count out loud — 1, 2, 3, etc. Under such circumstances, the children soon learn how far they can push their parents before they have to do as they are told. Then, when they do obey, they often do so with a very poor attitude. This is not a good outcome and should never be allowed in a Christian home.
First of all, it dishonors the Lord, from whom parents have received their authority. If children do not learn to submit to God-given authority in the home, they will not submit to authority in the educational system, in the workplace, or in society in general. Second, it frustrates the parents, who, in the face of continual stubbornness in their children, may resort to yelling at them, and perhaps eventually losing their temper. All this would be avoided if the problem were “nipped in the bud” when it first appeared. May the Lord give us wisdom in these difficult days to act in the right way with each of our children, that godly discipline may be administered, but in love and grace that accords with our Lord’s ways with us.
W. J. Prost
Fathers and Children
Fathers have a natural desire to love and to see their children protected, grow, learn and succeed. Christian fathers should also have a desire to see their children have faith in the Lord as their Savior and then grow in that faith throughout their lifetime. What is the first essential step for fathers, if they are to play the role God intended in the nurture and protection of their children? Psalm 84:3 says, “The sparrow hath found an house, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, even Thine altars, O Lord of hosts.” The psalmist recognized his own weakness and that his role in true safety for his children was found, first of all, in his staying close to the Lord. We might have all the desire in the world to be a “good dad,” but without personal communion with the Lord ourselves, all natural efforts will fall short. If the Lord is not given His rightful place in the father’s life, eventually the selfish desires of the flesh will conflict with God’s plan for the father’s role.
Entertainment
In today’s culture, Satan has developed an effective tactic of introducing different forms of selfish entertainment or occupation into the lives of young men in their preteen and teenage years. Perhaps in themselves there is nothing overtly sinful in these pursuits, but they often develop a powerful hold on young men. Paul said, “All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any” (1 Cor. 6:12). Sadly, many young men are brought under the power of these forms of entertainment or pursuits, and that power and influence is still there when they eventually marry and have children. Children are very observant, even from a young age, and they will notice when some entertainment or occupation has a hold on their father that gets in the way of his relationship with God, their mother and the children. Colossians 3:21 Says, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” If fathers rightly instruct their children not to be selfish, but the children can at the same time discern selfish behavior in their father, this is a form of provoking the child to anger. There is a real danger that children can be discouraged in their faith as a result of observing an inconsistent example. This problem is not unique to young men and young fathers. Isaac was older when he fell into selfish behavior. He valued his older son’s venison and allowed that to cause favoritism in the family. The consequences of this selfish behavior were significant, causing Jacob to leave the family for many years. Even when Jacob left Laban’s house and returned to Canaan, it took him years before he finally returned to Hebron to see his father. Isaac’s selfish behavior had a significant impact on his son. If a father recognizes that such behavior characterizes him, the first step is to acknowledge the tendency for what it is — the sin of idolatry. Then, fathers should follow the Biblical instruction to flee from idolatry and to consecrate Jesus as Lord of their lives.
Priorities
When fathers prioritize a personal relationship with the Lord and deal with idols that gain a hold in their lives, they may count on God to give wisdom and grace to fulfill His desire for them regarding their children — to feed and to protect. In Acts 20, Paul’s primary instruction to the elders of Ephesus was to “feed the flock” and to “watch” (protect). As Scripture presents the role of a father as a requisite preparation to be an elder in the assembly, it can be helpful to consider the father’s role regarding these two important responsibilities.
The foundation of feeding might be a family Bible reading or a time of prayer at bedtime, things for which a father should take responsibility. A father should also seek to discern specific attitudes, difficulties or opportunities in his children’s lives for which specific spiritual feeding might be needed. This requires dependence on the Lord, purpose and commitment.
Protection
Protection takes several forms. The responsibility for physical protection is perhaps straightforward. Spiritual protection would involve the father’s taking responsibility for what comes into the home in the form of such things as media and education. Often, there is a tendency for fathers to be lazy in this regard and leave these decisions to the mother, even if the mother desires the father’s input. Spiritual protection might also include a father’s prayerfully considering the specific challenges and situations his children face, and seeking wisdom from the Lord as to how to instruct them in these situations. Protection for the soul might involve making time for the children and ensuring that they know they are loved and valued by their father.
Role Model
God has set up the role of the father in the family as a way of teaching children about God as their Father. How do children understand, at a young age, the concept that they hear of God as their Father? Their concept of God as Father is inherently linked with what they understand it to mean to be their father’s child. This is an awesome responsibility for fathers, and it must be approached in dependence on the Lord for grace and wisdom.
W. C. Hayhoe
The Faith of Moses' Parents
Exodus 2:1-10
The faith of Moses’ parents stands out as an example of overcoming the power of the enemy to destroy their child. Their faith sought to protect this “goodly” child in two ways. First, they protected their precious little son by making the home a sanctuary for him. “By faith Moses, being born, was hid three months by his parents, because they saw the child beautiful; and they did not fear the injunction of the king” (Heb. 11:23 JnD). Second, when they could no longer hide him, they put him into the ark in the river, the place where he had been sentenced to die, but where the ark would preserve him from death. God honored that faith.
The example of how Amram and Jochebed protected their precious little son by hiding him in the home from the destroying power of the enemy should encourage us as parents today to stand boldly on the Lord’s side for the good of our children. He will honor such faith. The time given to us as parents to keep the children at home is relatively short in comparison to the time they will be out of the home.
The Ark
There came the time when “she could no longer hide him.” This seems to be a realization on the part of the mother. At that time the faith of Jochebed, the mother of Moses, rose to a power she knew was higher than Pharaoh. The problem of saving the child was beyond her power. They lived in the enemy’s land. The time had come when the parents had to “cast out” the child (Acts 7:21). This was difficult to do because they loved the child and also their God. They would not put the child loved by them and their God in the river without something between it and the waters of death. She prepared an ark to keep the waters of death from her child, and she placed Moses in it. The ark was the sign of their faith in Jehovah. It is a picture to us of the Lord Jesus who went down into death for us and gave us deliverance from its power. Though we and our children are under the sentence of death, the Lord bore the sentence for us and rose again with power over death. It is right for us to trust Him to preserve our families at all times, and especially when circumstances are beyond our power to do so.
“When he was cast out, Pharaoh’s daughter took him up, and nourished him for her own son” (Acts 7:21). God honored the faith of that family and sent Pharaoh’s daughter to take him as her son. Little did she realize how she was fulfilling the reward of Jehovah for the parents’ faith, nor did Moses’ parents realize how the house of Pharaoh would prepare Moses. But understanding all these things was not of importance, except to the One who was really in control. The Lord was in control, and faith in Him and obedience to Him were what was important. And whoever was on His side would be the ultimate victor.
At the suggestion of Moses’ sister, the mother of Moses was called as a nurse. Pharaoh’s daughter said to the mother, “Take this child away, and nurse it for me, and I will give thee thy wages.” The child was given back to the parents with a new responsibility and reward.
To Whom Does Moses Belong?
To whom does this child now belong? Pharaoh’s daughter had claimed it, but she gave it back to the mother to take away and raise for wages. The parents had given up their own claims to the child and in faith had put him into the ark. The child really belonged to the Lord Jehovah. The parents must consider the child as entrusted to their care to raise for Him. What a blessed thing for us to take our children from the Lord in this way and seek to raise them for Him! Later on, when Moses came to years, he also chose to walk the same path of faith (Heb. 11:24-26). So, the example of faith is passed from one generation to the next.
This is a beautiful lesson for us regarding our children. First of all, when possible, we must seek to keep our children from the evil of this world which is under Satan’s dominion. He is the god and prince of this world. We must recognize the Lord’s authority in our home. It is the only way of overcoming the power of the enemy. The Lord desires the preservation of our children more than we do. When they must go out into the world into circumstances that are beyond our control, we should recognize the Lord’s power and authority in every place. This is to recognize the headship of Christ over our homes and over our children wherever they may be. Our place is to own His headship over our children when they are in the home, by bringing them up “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4), and then to trust in Him when they go out into the world. If we do not own the Lordship of Christ in our homes by seeking to keep our children from evil while they are in our care, how can we trust the Lord to preserve them from evil on the basis of our faith when they leave the home?
Trusting in God’s Goodness
With these thoughts, no doubt we are brought to realize how often we fail in the practical part of faithfully keeping our children. We are made to realize it is only the sovereign goodness of God that can give what we need. The humble willingness of Moses’ parents to accept from the Lord the difficult situation in which He had allowed them to be serves as a lesson for us. They neither blamed others for the situation they were in nor proudly considered themselves unworthy of such a trial. Rather, by putting their precious little child into the ark, they entrusted him into the same hands that had allowed all the difficulties. They overcame by their faith in the Lord, and their faith in the Lord showed out in their works. There can be no doubt that the Lord was in control of the situation at all times. This should encourage us, in all our weaknesses and failures, to trust Him at all times and to let it show in the order of our homes.
D. C. Buchanan
Social Media
Social media is a term that is used frequently today, and for our purposes it may be defined as “Web-based communication tools that enable people to interact with each other by sharing and consuming information.” Technically speaking, such entities as radio, television and even the telephone are also part of social media, but generally the term is used today in connection with the Internet and includes things that require the Internet, such as email, texting, Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and various others. Personal computers and cell phones enable the use of these things. Those of us who belong to older generations have had to learn how to use these things “on the fly,” as we did not grow up with them. For our children and grandchildren, they have always been part of their lives.
The Issues
As with all new inventions, social media and the equipment needed to run it cannot be ignored. Our children will be exposed to it and will need to use it; we must teach them how to use it properly. As with most new inventions, there are positives and negatives that we must recognize. We must not allow the negative aspects of these things to obscure their positive uses.
Social media has changed the way children and young people learn and has greatly facilitated home schooling. It has allowed them to interact not only with teachers via the Internet, but also with one another. Social networking has enabled them to work in groups, and thus to learn from their peers as well as from teachers and parents. In our present COVID-19 pandemic, it has also permitted many adults to work from home.
Communication
Young people have also been able to maintain friendships with other young people whom they may not be able to visit. Again, this has been particularly helpful during the COVID-19 pandemic. Sometimes, too, it is the only way to communicate with other young people in areas of the world where postal mail may be unreliable and sometimes nonexistent.
“Zoom” enables meetings with people from around the world, at a very reasonable price. “Skype” has been used for some time, of course, and it also enables those who live at a great distance from one another to connect not only by voice, but with face-to-face contact. Virtual meetings have been most encouraging during the COVID-19 pandemic, when meeting together in the normal way may be prohibited in some areas.
Negative Effects
However, the negative effects of unlimited access to social media are also well-known. Probably the main problem is that of addiction, where texting, playing video games, and simply talking on cell phones may assume such proportions in the lives of children, young people and adults that real-life interactions almost become nonexistent. And if a real-life interaction does take place, the constant distraction of a cell phone nullifies the value of any face-to-face communication.
Real danger is involved too in more than one way. Constant exposure to social media with no limitations will inevitably bring in harmful material, such as sexual content, exposure to predators (who are very clever), and such things as cyberbullying. Someone has commented that if television brought the world into the home, indiscriminate exposure to social media brings us out into the world. This is true, and “all that is in the world ... is not of the Father, but is of the world” (1 John 2:16).
Distraction
Another danger is distraction from school work, with a negative effect on concentration and grades. Anxiety and depression can result as well, as the mind is overloaded with extraneous material that often stirs the emotions and prevents proper rest and relaxation.
Finally, the distraction of social media, especially with cell phones and perhaps the constant listening to music, can make young people oblivious to their surroundings. In Toronto, Ontario, Canada, some months ago, a teenager was killed as she walked onto the street into the path of a truck while distracted by loud music coming through her earbuds via her cell phone. Shortly afterward, another teenager drove her car onto a railway crossing (with signals working) and was killed by a train, again because of the distraction of her cell phone.
In view of all this, parents may well ask themselves, How are we to handle all this? As always, we need balance, and the ability to make decisions before the Lord, depending on all the circumstances of the situation. It is impossible in an article like this to cover all the possibilities, but perhaps a few comments may be in order.
Control
First of all, it is most important to allow children to have a real childhood and not to allow them to indulge in social media at a young age. Yes, they may have to learn to use computers and the Internet, for even in younger grades they may be expected to do research and use a computer in their schoolwork. But they do not need to have constant access to it, and time on it should not only be limited, but supervised. This is especially true when the computer is used for recreation. I knew a family who allowed their children to play video games for the same period of time as they practiced their piano lessons. (This usually resulted in no more than a half-hour for video games!)
The “Wait until 8th” slogan was first proposed by a mother in Austin, Texas, U.S.A., urging parents to wait until their children were in eighth grade before allowing them to have their own cell phones, and further, to wait until they were sixteen before allowing them to have access to data. While this may not be practical for every situation, it is one solution that is being followed even by worldly parents.
Example
Second, it is important for parents to set a good example. Do our lives as Christians revolve around social media, even if controlled, or do they revolve around the things of the Lord? Do we take time to read the Word of God and to “use the world, as not disposing of it as [our] own?” (1 Cor. 7:31 JnD). Is it obvious to our children that “our commonwealth has its existence in the heavens” (Phil. 3:20 JND) and that our hopes are not in this world? If we as parents are addicted to social media, we cannot expect our children to leave it alone.
Good Relationship
Finally, and perhaps most important, we need to cultivate a good relationship with our children, so that they know us and like to spend time with us. This takes effort, but it is most necessary, for if we have no time for our children, they will soon find worldly avenues for their time and energy. Parents who plan healthy activities for their children (especially outdoor activities) and who take time to read to them, to play with them, and to enjoy their company will find that the desire for constant exposure to social media will diminish.
Outreach
One of the greatest gifts parents can give children is to teach them to reach out to others, to do things for those who are in need, and to be involved in gospel work. There is plenty to be done in this poor world, and there are many within the sphere of our acquaintance who would appreciate a helping hand. This applies to both believers and unbelievers. An old brother, long since with the Lord, used to tell us that it was the Christian who was busy in the work of the Lord who was most unlikely to be attracted by the things of the world. If we are conscious of our responsibility to be taken up with Christ’s interests in this world, we will be happy to use whatever technology is available to further that end, but will not use it to gratify the flesh and waste our time.
Again, we are not attempting to solve all the problems that may face Christian parents with social media. Personal prayer and a seeking of the Lord’s mind are the only ways to deal with it, for individual situations vary greatly. The Lord will give wisdom for each of us in our particular circumstances, if we ask Him.
W. J. Prost
The Exercise of Authority
In Ephesians 6, when Paul addresses parents by the Spirit of God, it is somewhat remarkable that the first exhortation is, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath” (Eph. 6:4). So also in Colossians: “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger” (Col. 3:21). It is not exactly the same word in each verse, but the meaning is very similar. This is easily understood when we notice that this exhortation follows upon the call to children to obey their parents. Fathers are placed in almost absolute authority; hence the first thing the Spirit of God does in turning to parents is to admonish them as to the manner in which they should exercise their authority. We know what the flesh is, even in a Christian, and how apt we are to be tyrannical and despotic in the place in which God has set us. God, in tender consideration for those who are put in the subject position, says, “Provoke not your children to wrath.” Parents are hereby warned that they must be careful before God as to the method of their government. They must consider the feelings of their children, and while they must never forget what is due to the Lord, they must remember their weakness. They must not lay upon them more than they can bear, lest they be discouraged. A more striking illustration of God’s tenderness for children could scarcely be conceived, than is expressed in this special injunction to parents. This tenderness was exemplified again and again by our blessed Lord during His earthly pathway. And we all know how apt we are to be capricious or harsh in our rule; hence our need of this reminder. Let every father therefore remember, that if, on the one hand, God has given him the rule over his family, on the other He has carefully defined the character of its exercise, and that he is as responsible for the latter as for the former.
“Lest they should be discouraged.” How easy it is to discourage children, and especially from the right ways of the Lord! With their keen and tender susceptibilities, and quick observation and rapid detection of inconsistencies, harsh government might very soon undo years of patient teaching, and speedily mar the most careful efforts to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Parents therefore cannot be too careful on this point. It will aid them to be so if they remember that they derive their own position from divine appointment, and that their children are to be governed and trained for God.
E. Dennett
The Discipline and Admonition of the Lord
“Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The words employed are most significant. More exactly, it is discipline and admonition (Eph. 6:4 JND). Discipline will apply to the whole course of training or education; admonition implies constant watchfulness in order to warn against dangers, forgetfulness or departure from the path into which they are being led. Nor should the exact meaning of “bring them up” pass unnoticed. It is “to rear,” and hence goes back, in regard to children, to earliest infancy. It is important to notice this, because many parents fall into the mistake of supposing that they must wait for their children’s conversion before they seek to carry out this injunction; hence the sad spectacle is often presented of Christian parents permitting their children all kinds of worldly ways, dress and amusements, under the plea that they are not yet the Lord’s. This is to miss the whole point of the teaching of these scriptures, as well as to forget the special place into which the children of believers are brought. The Spirit of God does not say, Wait and pray for your children’s conversion; but He says, Rear him in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. You are thus to take God at His word, counting upon Him for the blessing contained in the promise, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6).K
E. Dennett
The Tenor of His Ways
“Train up the child according to the tenor of his way, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Pro. 22:6 JND). Children are born with natural traits. Some are naturally good in using their hands; some are not. Some are good at detail; some are not. Some are quick and active; some are not. Part of the parents’ responsibility in raising their children is to identify the different natural traits in the child, so that they may train the child to use their strong traits and help them overcome their weak ones. The parent is to help the child develop according the “tenor of his way”—according to his natural traits—so that he may develop his natural skills and grow up to find an occupation that fits these skills. If so trained, he will continue in that way and not depart from it. If not so trained, he may start out in one thing, not be fitted for it, give it up and try something else, and waste good years of life trying to figure out how to make a living that is suited to the tenor of his ways.
D. F. Rule
Leave the Miracle to Him
Find time every day to read and pray with your children ... sanctifying and cleansing them “with the washing of water by the word” (Eph. 5:26). As mothers we can plant and we can water, but God “gives the increase” (1 Cor. 3:6). This is such an important part of parenting to remember! Man’s responsibility and God’s sovereignty come together in the raising of children. All my children are obedient and happy ... what a good parent I must be! But the Lord will not allow us to feel that way. He must have the glory if our children go on for Him.
Nights spent on our knees and meals missed in prayer: Don’t we all wish to “know Him”? Maybe it will be through “the fellowship of His sufferings” (Phil. 3:10). How often we ourselves have grieved our Lord Jesus! When we see our children willfully heading down a path that cannot be His choosing, can we feel with our Lord’s heart in His looking on us, His children? Can we, then, know a little of the fellowship of His sufferings?
“Whatso’er He bids you, do it
Though you may not understand;
Yield to Him complete obedience;
Then you’ll see His mighty hand;
Fill the waterpots with water,”
Fill them to the very brim;
He will honor all your trusting—
Leave the miracle to Him!
T. A.
As the above poem so aptly puts it, we have an immense privilege of filling those waterpots with water. And the Lord has His right and His timing in turning it into wine. Then what joy that brings, both to His heart and ours!
A mother
Dedicated
“When she could no longer hide him, she took for him an ark of bulrushes” (Ex. 2:3).
To the river Nile to save her son
Hidden ’mongst reeds and rushes came one…
A praying mother of long ago…
Breath of God, on the rushes blow!
Faithful mothers with basket beds
Today send their children, prayer led,
Into this world of sin and woe,
Breath of God, on the rushes blow!
From my breast to the breast of the river of life
Goes my son…life of my life!
Pray I with the mother of Moses…Oh,
Breath of God, on the rushes blow!
M. Wendel