THANK God for conviction and then salvation. When about thirteen years of age I felt one night in a prayer meeting that I ought to rise for prayers, but conviction did not rest very heavily upon me then. Some years afterward, again I felt I ought to rise for prayers, but felt as if chained to my seat. I did not want to acknowledge I was a sinner and needed salvation.
Although living what would be called a moral life, at times I deeply felt my lost condition, and that if the brittle thread of life should snap there was nothing before me but eternity with the devil and his angels, where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched (Mark 9:4444Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched. (Mark 9:44)). “Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 18:33And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:3)).
Morality is not enough. I needed Christ and His atoning blood to blot my sins out, for “without shedding of blood is no remission” (Heb. 9:2222And almost all things are by the law purged with blood; and without shedding of blood is no remission. (Hebrews 9:22)).
“For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:2323For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; (Romans 3:23)). Sometimes I was almost afraid to sleep, fearing I might awake in that place whence hope is forever shut out. Then I would think, “Am I not foolish to go on in this way, knowing I am not saved, and may die any time, when I might be saved and know it if I would?”
I would try hard, sometimes, to be good and fit myself for heaven by prayer, some Bible-reading, some church-going, and by trying to give up things I thought were wrong, but all the time 1 knew I was not saved. Then I would become discouraged and give up praying, Bible-reading, &c., and look at the inconsistencies in the lives of professing Christians. I was not ready to surrender fully to Christ, and I could not save myself: “Except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 5:2020For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 5:20)). I had heard we must believe to be saved. I believed the Bible and that Jesus came to earth and died, but I believed it as I believe Columbus discovered America—as a matter of history. I wondered why I was not saved, and how I could get saved and know it.
One night I had a dream that I believe God gave to encourage me to come to Him. I thought I was walking in a broad path through a dense wood, and I had to pass through a gate by which lay a huge, ugly-looking monster, but he appeared to be sleeping, and seemed to notice me but little. I did not fear him much, but after I had passed on he got up and very slowly followed me. After I had gone some distance I turned to retrace my steps, when the monster became furious and wanted to take my life. As I turned it became very dark—so dark I could not see anything, and I thought I was lost, but away in the distance in front of me I saw a light, and I knew it was Jesus holding the light that I might see my way to Him and escape from the devil, and I awoke crying, “Lord, save me.”
When I became willing to follow the light I had—give up sin and humble myself and surrender to Jesus—God gave me more light, for “if any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself” (John 7:1717If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself. (John 7:17)).
One night, a short time before I was converted, I felt I was being prayed for, and I wanted salvation so much that I knelt and asked God to open the way for me to be saved and break the chains that bound me, and help me to come out on the Lord’s side. He seemed very near to me then, and as if looking in compassion upon me.
A short time after that I attended a Grove meeting out of curiosity. I was asked if I was a Christian. I said, “No.” They said, “Do you not want religion?” Again I said, “No.” I was unwilling to humble myself. I had forgotten my prayer to God that night. Then the Holy Spirit said to me, “Did you not tell Me you wanted to be a Christian, and now you say you do not want religion? Didn’t you ask Me to break the chains and give you a chance to be saved? Now I am giving you a chance, and if you continue in this way you are as sure of going to hell as if you were already there.” Conviction became so deep that I. was willing to do anything if the Lord would only save me. I stood for prayer, and went to the altar resolved to give up sin and obey the Lord with His help. As it was such a cross to go to the altar I thought He would send me some great blessing and save me right away, but it did not come as I expected. After asking God to be merciful to me a sinner, the words, “Him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out” (John 6:3737All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out. (John 6:37)), were spoken in my ear by one of the workers, and I took God at His word, for I had come to Him, and it must be He received me, as He did not cast me out. When I realized that Jesus was wounded for my transgressions, and bruised for my iniquities, and by His stripes I was healed—that He died for my sins and rose again for my justification—that I was redeemed by His blood—oh the peace and joy and love and gratitude to God that came into my heart, I cannot tell you. My burden was gone, and I was happy. God had forgiven my sins for Jesus’ sake. “Whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of sins” (Acts 10:4343To him give all the prophets witness, that through his name whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of sins. (Acts 10:43)). Then when I confessed Him publicly He whispered to me, “Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven” (Matt. 10:3232Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven. (Matthew 10:32)), and it became a joy and precious privilege to confess Christ, whereas formerly I wished I could be a Christian and not say anything about it.
Will the readers, who are saved, please pray that God will always enable me to live a consistent Christian life, and win souls for Him, and that He will use this simple narrative to His own honor and glory and the salvation of precious souls?
I am glad God is no respecter of persons, and what He has done for me He is willing and able to do for you, dear unsaved one, if you repent and believe on Jesus Christ. “Whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely” (Rev. 22:1717And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely. (Revelation 22:17)).
You will not have an experience just like mine, but God will give you an experience which is best for you, and will save you, and give you joy and peace and rest in Him. Do not turn Him away this time, but surrender now, and let Him save you. You mean to be saved some time, why not now? Do you want to go on a little longer without Jesus? A little longer without joy and peace? A little longer risk your immortal soul? Are you sure you will live a little longer? Jesus longs to bless and save you, He wants to fill you with joy and peace in believing. See if you can think of anything that Jesus did not give up for you. Won’t you thank Him and devote your life to His service? Take Him at His word as if you could see Him stand before you speaking to you alone. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me” (Rev. 3:2020Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. (Revelation 3:20)).
L. E. H.