This is instruction for the guidance and encouragement of believers, and is applicable to all their voluntary associations. It should lead a Christian to ask the question, Does God ask me to choose my company? He does, and in doing so teaches us to take into account our relationship with Him. If a Christian thinks of marriage, this scripture instructs him to choose one who is the Lord’s, so that they can have fellowship in His things, and be of one mind to serve Him.
If he is a person seeking to walk with the Lord, his conversation will turn to spiritual things, and he will soon discover whether this is agreeable to the one he is keeping company with. He ought to seek by prayer, discernment from the Lord, so that he might make no mistake. It is easy to let our natural affection or liking for a person blind us in such a matter.
A Christian knowingly marrying an unbeliever, cannot count on the Lord’s blessing on their union. Often Christians disobey the Lord in the fond hope that the person they allow their affections to run out to, will be converted; but it often turns out a lifelong hindrance to their true happiness, and deep sorrow and chastening follow such a step. How often we have heard the sad confession, “I have myself to blame.”
“Can two walk together except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:33Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3)), is another important question, and suggests that it is not every Christian that is suitable for a life companion. 1 Corinthians 7:3939The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:39), says of a widow, but it applies to all Christians who have thoughts of marriage, “She is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.”
“In the Lord” means with the Lord’s approval.
“In Christ” would indicate our standing before God as Christians.
“In the Lord” supposes two that have the Lord’s interests before them, are owning His authority over them, and seeking to have the stamp of His approval on their ways. They own that the Lord has the first claim on each of “His own”; they “are bought with a price,” and desire to glorify God in their bodies (1 Cor. 6:19-2019What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. (1 Corinthians 6:19‑20)).
It is the Lord who has instituted all our relationships, and told us how to walk in them (Eph. 5:22-6:922Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. 32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. 1Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) 3That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 4And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 5Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ; 6Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; 7With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: 8Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free. 9And, ye masters, do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening: knowing that your Master also is in heaven; neither is there respect of persons with him. (Ephesians 5:22‑6:9); Col. 3:18-4:118Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 19Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. 20Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. 21Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 22Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God: 23And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; 24Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ. 25But he that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons. 1Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven. (Colossians 3:18‑4:1); 1 Peter 3:1-91Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 5For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. 7Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. 8Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: 9Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. (1 Peter 3:1‑9)). A child is to be subject to his parents, but the Christian child must own the Lord’s claims to be higher than his parent’s; so with the husband and wife, the Lord’s claims come first. A husband who demands that his wife obey him, when it is against her conscience before God, is assuming an authority over her that God has not given him.
How important it is therefore for Christians to make sure of agreement in divine things before entering into a life-engagement.
Obedience to God and love to Him should control our natural affections.
If the Lord has the chief place in our hearts, it will be so (Luke 14:26-27,3326If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. 27And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:26‑27)
33So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:33)). If we do not give Him the chief place, we will find to our sorrow, sooner or later, what a loss has been ours.
In days like the present, of trial and division in the church of God, if a sister is of a gentle, leaning disposition, and knows the truth of being gathered to the name of the Lord, while her husband does not, and is not willing or able to learn it, she is made unhappy by going into meetings that are not on scriptural ground, in her desire to please or even win her husband; or if she holds to what she knows is the truth, then there is a divided house, and both suffer through not considering this question before they were engaged. If there are children, how are they to be taught and guided aright, when the parents are divided and going different ways?
The Lord would have us consider this beforehand. Let those thinking of marriage seriously wait upon and ask the Lord what He would have them do, and they will put the Lord’s honor first, and seek to obey His word. They will seek His interests first, through grace.
If two fail to agree before marriage as to God’s path for His people, can they walk together, agreed to glorify the Lord as heirs together of the grace of life? (1 Peter 3:77Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)) Can they give up the truth and not suffer spiritual loss? If they put natural affection first, is it not plain that it is not the Lord’s glory, but rather their own likings that they consider?
It is quite true that sometimes those who started right at the beginning, have gone wrong. This may have been through not considering together everything that comes to them, and their hearts have consequently been alienated from each other. It is needful to begin right with each other and the Lord, and then through grace to go on together with Him, “as heirs together of the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:77Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)). Natural affection is not enough to carry us through. We need to have the Lord ever before us.