L―had been anxious about her soul from early childhood; but she grew up to womanhood without knowing the forgiveness of her sins. It may have been partly owing to the bad teaching she received; for she was told by those who, while professing to be guides, knew not the way of salvation themselves, that if she gave up the world, and prayed more, she would at length get peace.
But L― loved the world; and though she made many resolves to give it up, she found herself unable to resist its pleasures. The illness or death of a friend would make her feel very miserable; for she not only grieved for such, but thought afresh of her own unpreparedness for eternity. At such times she would go to church oftener, and try to conform outwardly to religious observances, which only made liter the more unhappy.
Had L―read the Word of God, instead of resting on man’s word, she would have found that God’s way is quite different from man’s way. Man looks within, to find something he can give to God. God gave His Son for the sinner, and says, “Hear ye Him.” L―had yet to learn her utter power-
lessness to give anything to a holy God from a fallen corrupt nature.
When L― was about eighteen, she thought perhaps she should feel happier if she were confirmed; so she went to have a conversation upon the subject, with the clergyman of the church she attended.
Mr. G―seemed to think her hardly eligible for confirmation, as she was not sufficiently acquainted with the Catechism, and advised her studying the same, and would then see her again.
“But, sir,” said L―, “should I die before I am confirmed, what will become of me?”
“Confirmation,” he answered, “will not fit you to die; it will make no difference to you whether you are confirmed or not.”
“Then, Mr. G―, I will not be confirmed.”
“Very well,” he said; and they parted.
As L― walked home she thought over the conversation with the clergyman. “He never told me how to prepare for death,” she thought. “Perhaps he did not know my misery. Oh, that I could be a Christian! Will God have mercy upon me?”
Later on a fierce thought took possession of her, that she would throw herself into the river flowing silently at her side. But there came to her remembrance, “After death the judgment.” Why did that thought still her wicked design? Many years afterwards she could speak of what she then feared; it was not death to the body, but the great white throne, the having to give an account of herself to God. How could she face a holy God unwashed, unforgiven? How could she dare to rush into His presence, so vile, so unsuitable for eternity? How good of God to hold her back from destruction, and how little she then knew it was His goodness leading her to repentance.
Several years passed away, only leaving her more anxious and dissatisfied. She had tried the world’s pleasures, and she was weary of them. She had passed through deep and bitter sorrows; but the only One who could, have sympathized was yet unknown. Would she ever find rest for her burdened conscience? Yes. The One who seeks the lost was seeking her. He was only waiting for her to give up trying, then she would trust Him.
Mentally worn, and really ill, she went with a Christian aunt to the seaside town of B―. While there it was thought desirable for L― to have medical advice. The late Dr. M happened to be staying in the place, so the aunt consulted him about her niece, telling him also of her distressed state of soul. He was greatly interested, and saw her at once; not before, however, specially praying on her behalf. When Dr. M― handed L― her medicine, he said,―
“Do you believe this will do you good?”
“Yes,” she replied, “or I would not take it.”
“True; so you can trust me, a man, for the healing of your body; and can’t you trust God for the healing of your soul? ‘Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved.’”
“There was a slight pause, then L— looked up.
“Doctor,” she said, “I do believe.”
A heartfelt “Thank God,” and shake of the hand, and he was gone.
“My dear L―,” said her aunt, “do you really mean what you told Dr M―?”
“It would have been untrue to have said anything else. As the question was put to me, I felt that I believed on the Lord Jesus Christ.”
“And are you clear as to the forgiveness of all your sins?”
“No, aunt; but I trust God to show me now, for a great light has dawned upon me, and all fear of the future has gone.”
The following day, as L― was bathing in the sea, the following scriptures came with power to her soul: ― “I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins” (Isa. 43:2525I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins. (Isaiah 43:25)); “Thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea” (Mic. 7:1919He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea. (Micah 7:19)). Her burden was gone; she rejoiced with all her heart. She saw how God could blot out her transgressions; not by her strivings, her prayers, her tears, nor anything she ever did, or could do, but solely on the ground of the finished work of the Lord Jesus Christ. Oh, how good to her weary soul! What sweet rest! How could she have been so blind, as not to have seen before, that Christ died for her sins, according to the Scriptures; and thanksgiving and praise went up to the precious Saviour, whose blood had cleansed her from all sin.
L―was literally a new creature; she felt she was. Her old companions saw the great change, for her happiness was as apparent as her misery had been, and confession followed. Wherever she went, she ceased not telling that God had put away he sins, through the precious blood of Jesus, and that He would remember them no more; and then in the words of scripture she would say, “O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him” (Psal. 34:8). Could L― be more intensely happy than she was? Yes; she had only just entered into the joys that will last throughout eternity.
But, dear reader, before I go further, let me ask you if you are as miserable as L― was? Are you in a helpless, hopeless condition? Do you feel the burden of your sins? And have you been trying to do what another has done for you? If you can answer “Yes” to each question, then do not be afraid to trust.
But, perhaps, you will say you do believe on Jesus, but you do not feel happy. I fear, if such is the case, that you really do not know what helplessness, hopelessness, sinfulness, and real badness mean. Hence you do not really trust. When at length L― found her strivings increased her unhappiness, she left off trying, and simply believed God; then she became happy. And so it has been with every happy believer in the Lord Jesus, and it is yours to prove, dear reader, that “When we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. When we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son” (Rom. 5:6, 8, 106For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. (Romans 5:6)
8But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
10For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life. (Romans 5:10)).
L― had arrived at a wonderful stage in her soul’s history, ―the forgiveness of sins! Could she know anything better? She thought not, and for a time it was her one theme. Then she began to think more of the One who had wrought such a great deliverance for her, and her heart said, Where is He? Not in the grave surely, for did not the angels tell the women at the empty grave, “Why seek ye the living among the dead? He is not here, but is risen” (Luke 24:5, 65And as they were afraid, and bowed down their faces to the earth, they said unto them, Why seek ye the living among the dead? 6He is not here, but is risen: remember how he spake unto you when he was yet in Galilee, (Luke 24:5‑6)). And in the fifty-first verse of the same chapter did she not read, “He was parted from them, and carried up into heaven?”
What a new thought for her,—she had a living Saviour in glory! What an Object for her soul’s worship and praise! O what a salvation! How she would like to see the One who had redeemed her.
As John 14. was pointed out to her, she read in the Lord’s own words, “I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.” Would that coming be when she died? No; but a living Lord, coming for living saints, as she also read in Thess. 4:17. L―’s joys became deeper now, though only just treading the path of the just, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.
Does one ask how the freshness and brightness could continue in her soul. Let me answer,—By the Holy Ghost sent down from heaven. “In whom also, after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that Holy Spirit of promise, which is the earnest of our inheritance, until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory” (Eph. 1:13, 1413In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, 14Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory. (Ephesians 1:13‑14)). When God in His grace picks up a poor lost sinner, taking him out of one condition, and putting him in an entirely new one, He does not expect him, or require him, to go on at his own charges. He undertakes for him, as it is written, “He which hath begun a good work in you, will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 1:66Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: (Philippians 1:6)).
From the moment when L― trusted in the Lord Jesus, till her earthly course was run, she was kept by the mighty power of God!
Following her conversion came sixteen years of suffering and trial, but her mind was kept in perfect peace, because she trusted in Him. Now she is present with the Lord―her body in the grave― awaiting His return, when sleeping and living saints will be caught up together to meet the Lord in the air, and then to be with Him forever.
Reader, are you trusting Him, and then simply waiting for His return? E. E. S.