I know that you, Christian mother, are deeply concerned over those dear children God has given to you. You are interested in God’s pattern for home life, for the home is your particular sphere. You are the guide in it (1 Tim. 5:14). If it were a new house being built for the family, how carefully you and your husband would study the plans together, thinking of how you would enjoy it with your children. And how much more important is the plan God has given us, not for a beautiful house of wood, brick or stone, which may be spoiled by the broken hearts behind its grand walls, but for a home of light and love. In a word, it is the character of the home that makes it what it really is, be it humble or grand in appearance.
Building or Plucking Down
We have noticed the seven pillars of the home which wisdom has hewn out for us, and we read in the verses that follow of the wonderful feast held there. This we all desire. Every Christian father and mother wants a happy home with its joy and peace — but oh it takes so little to pluck it down!
And you, dear Christian mother, can be your husband’s true helpmeet in building this home of light and love, or you can pluck it down. You can encourage and uphold him in his love and correction of the children, or you can oppose and hinder him. This is very important. You wield a tremendous influence in the home, in many ways far greater than your husband’s. You are with the children more than he is, and they look to you. You can do more than he to make or break the home. Remember how Eve ruined the first home in the world when she acted independently of God and her husband. She did not turn to him, but took the lead herself and listened to the voice of Satan instead. God had made her to be a helpmeet to Adam, but she hindered him, bringing plenty of sorrow upon herself too. God’s pattern is always the best, and we can only expect His blessing as we seek grace to follow His Word.
Two External Things
There are also two external things which God has given to mark out the woman’s place: her long hair and her apparel. I believe we should mention these here, for they are important enough for God to mention them in His Word in a very definite way. Long hair is a sign of submission (1 Cor. 11:3-15) and is in keeping with a godly home. Then, too, there is modest apparel, clothes pertaining to a man being mentioned, for such would be unbecoming to a woman who is in her God-given place (1 Tim. 2:9; Deut. 22:55The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God. (Deuteronomy 22:5)). In these days when the fashions are altogether otherwise, there needs to be a single eye to please the Lord, and not others, in these matters, especially before our children.
Worldly Advice
Dear Christian mother, “Cease . . . to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge” (Prov. 19:2727Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge. (Proverbs 19:27)). Do not listen to the advice of the world, nor even to that of some Christians who reject “the counsel of God against themselves” (Luke 7:3030But the Pharisees and lawyers rejected the counsel of God against themselves, being not baptized of him. (Luke 7:30)) because it condemns them. It is your wisdom to seek grace to fulfill the place of a helpmeet (not of the head) which God has given you in the home. It is a wonderful place. Even if your husband should fail in fulfilling his place as head, ask the Lord for grace to fulfill yours. His failure does not change your place or responsibility, nor does it change his. He needs your help and prayers. Alas, we all fail as husbands, but fault finding and blaming one another will not straighten matters out, nor help to build up the home, but it will surely help to “pluck it down.” How much we need the grace and strength which comes from above, especially when difficulties arise in the home, but let us not depart from the divine pattern.
There may be some who read these lines who have unbelieving husbands and I know that the Lord will give you grace in these things, if you look to Him, that, as Peter says, “If any obey not the Word, they may also, without the Word be won by the conversation of the wives” (1 Peter 3:1).
The Divine Pattern
How thankful we can be for all this precious instruction in the Word of God, and that God has not left us to our own thoughts in these matters. He has marked out the pattern, not to rob us of happiness, but for our good as fathers and mothers — that our joy may be full. Let us each take the Scriptures and search this out. See what God’s Word says and ask Him for grace to carry it out.
I speak these words humbly, I trust, and in love, knowing that God has planned that our days in the home should be “as the days of heaven upon the earth” (Deut. 11:2121That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the Lord sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth. (Deuteronomy 11:21)). If we follow His wisdom, they will be! Ponder these things well, dear Christian mother, and may God bless you and your dear children. By acting upon God’s Word, you can prove the blessedness of walking in His ways, and your husband and children will say of you what is said of the wife and mother described in Proverbs 31:2829, “Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.”
May this be said of you, not only while the children are small, but above all as they grow older, for the more they love the Lord, the more they will love you! Your work will then be rewarded even here, and the latter years of life will be happy ones for you and your husband, should the Lord leave us here a little longer. There is no greater joy than when our children walk in the truth, and sometimes I think there is no greater sorrow than when they do not!
“Be ye strong therefore, and let not your hands be weak: for your work shall be rewarded” (2 Chron. 15:7).
G. H. Hayhoe