Comfort and love in a world of conflict
v 1 "If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,”
Having warned his children that there would be conflicts in the Christian pathway, Paul now sets before them a Divine and perfect pattern to follow in the midst of such difficulties—the Lord Jesus Christ. The comfort, fellowship and tender affections that ought to mark our families in a scene of conflict, are all found perfectly in Christ, through the Spirit.
Pursuing the Good of Others
v 2-4 "Fulfill ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”
Displays of selfishness, pride, and contention are considered by some "experts" as a normal part of "child development", but they are totally contrary to God's Word. Paul entreats his spiritual children to show love towards each other, seeking unity, and in all humility, putting the good and welfare of parents, brothers and sisters, before self.
The apostle's joy is presented as an encouragement to his children. We ought to present the same to our children, teaching them that their obedience brings the Lord's heart and our hearts joy. It is important that parents encourage and cultivate this conduct through compliments and other positive reinforcements—i.e. "what you did, made me very happy, but most important, it pleased the Lord Jesus." The world's humanistic philosophy, always putting "me" and "my desires" first, has no place in a believer's individual or family life.
The Supreme Pattern for Parents and Children
v 5 "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:”
The Lord Jesus as a perfect Man presents the pattern for how children and families ought to function. All in the Christian home begins with having fellowship with the mind and thoughts of Christ.
Humbled, Serving and Rewarded
v 6-8 "Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”
The Lord Jesus left the supreme place in heaven, willingly humbling Himself to the very lowest place, that others might be blessed. Beautiful and perfect pattern of service! A lovely, vitally important spirit to cultivate in our children—concern about the welfare and blessing of others. It was that which caused the "house of Stephanas" to addict "themselves to the ministry of the saints". (1 Cor. 16:1515I beseech you, brethren, (ye know the house of Stephanas, that it is the firstfruits of Achaia, and that they have addicted themselves to the ministry of the saints,) (1 Corinthians 16:15)). The spirit of service is totally contrary to the world's spirit which considers immediate self-gratification its primary object.
After humbling and serving, come rewards. Be willing to reward your children when they display this spirit of behavior. "And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be." (Rev. 22:1212And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be. (Revelation 22:12)).
The Best Motives for Obedience
v 12, 13 "Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.”
Love—Notice carefully the way in which the apostle Paul presses upon his Philippian children obedience. And especially their obedience in view of his absence. He says, "Wherefore my beloved". Paul's deep love for his spiritual children—a love they were well aware of and could not deny—provides a powerful influence. Could they refuse such a love?
Praise—Further, Paul is able to praise their conduct—"as ye have always obeyed in my presence". Don't fail to praise the good and virtuous in children, whenever you have opportunity! You must require obedience from them—but how much happier for all, if that claim is nurtured by your positive support causing your children to realize that you not only demand, but also have joy in their obedience. (3 John 44I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. (3 John 4)).
In a letter regarding encouraging children Mr. Darby wrote: "Be to their virtues ever kind, and to their faults a little blind."
Fear—The Philippians' obedience to Paul's teaching would be tested in his absence. The world's attitude towards obedience is flippant and scornful. Children must be encouraged to display a life of obedience in Godly fear and trembling-for disobedience to parents is sin against God.
Purpose—Children should also understand that obedience is necessary in order that God's intended purposes of blessing may be fully realized and enjoyed in their lives.
"Please, Obey"—Two Words That Don't Belong Together
Now notice another very important principle relating to obedience. The beloved apostle, though speaking with tenderness and affection, does not say "Wherefore my beloved, please obey in my absence"—nor do we read in God's Word, "Children please obey your parents in the Lord".
Saying "please" makes obedience a matter of choice to the child, serving to develop naughty self-will. Of course there are times when it is appropriate for parents to say "please"-in order to teach children courtesy and respect. Saying to a child, "Sally, may I please have one of the cookies you baked today?" teaches the importance of politeness. However, saying to a child, "Sally, will you please do what I have asked and clean up the kitchen right now?" teaches self-will.
The "Spirit" of Obedience Is Important Too
v 14 "Do all things without murmurings and disputings:”
We read that God loves a cheerful giver. No one enjoys a gift that is given grudgingly or a service rendered in a grudging manner. What husband could be satisfied with such a spirit displayed in the home, by a wife? What parent could be satisfied with such a spirit of obedience from a child?
What a beautiful spirit we see in Rebekah who, when asked by Abraham's servant for a drink of water hasted to grant his request, offering to draw water for his camels without being asked. She ran and hasted without murmuring or complaining-willingly doing even more than what had been requested.
Does it seem a daunting task to instill in your children a happy, uncomplaining spirit of obedience? Dad, what kind of spirit did your children see displayed the last time you complained about having that extra load of work your boss expects you to complete? Mom, what spirit did you display in front of your children when the parking lot attendant wouldn't allow you to park so close to the store entrance? Don't expect your children to display attitudes they don't see displayed in you!
“... the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance..." (Gal. 5:2222But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, (Galatians 5:22)). "...try the spirits whether they are of God:" (1 John 4:11Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world. (1 John 4:1))
A Good Reputation
v 15 "That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;”
All of us, including our children, quickly gain reputations—at work, in the neighborhood, at school, or in the family sphere. Reputations are normal—but for a believer, reputations valued by the world may not always be pleasing to God, nor are they to be sought after. A reputation as a shrewd, ruthless businessman, a fierce competitor with little pity, or a vindictive, demanding consumer may be valued in this world, but they have no place in the lives of Christians or their children.
Teach children (by example first and by words second) that blamelessness is a priceless reputation to gain—the only one morally suited to those who call themselves by that worthy name of Christ. How very happy and blessed the family circle where children are harmless in their conduct, giving no reason for rebuke from parents or others who observe them.
Also, the results of Godly examples set by older brothers and sisters in a family are immeasurable in their potential for good. Such Christ-like conduct also preaches a powerful gospel message to a world that won't listen to words.
Selflessness in a Selfish World
v 19-21 "But I trust in the Lord Jesus to send Timotheus shortly unto you, that I also may be of good comfort, when I know your state. For I have no man like minded, who will naturally care for your state. For all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ's.”
Believers are to "every one of us please his neighbor for his good to edification." (Rom. 15:22Let every one of us please his neighbor for his good to edification. (Romans 15:2)). The example for such selfless conduct is our blessed Savior Himself—"For even Christ pleased not himself..." (Rom. 15:2, 32Let every one of us please his neighbor for his good to edification. 3For even Christ pleased not himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me. (Romans 15:2‑3)). The apostle instructed the Galatian believers to "bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of the Christ." (Gal. 6:22Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2), JND). He certainly knew what selflessness was—"Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches." (2 Cor. 11:2828Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches. (2 Corinthians 11:28)).
Here again we see the importance of parents winning the hearts of their children to themselves. When this is so, what interests and concerns dad and mom, will also be of interest and concern to the children.
Children need to learn early in life that though they are individually and deeply loved, something is more important than themselves. Focusing on the needs of others is a rare and valuable quality to develop. Love one another (John 15:1212This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. (John 15:12)), prefer one another (Rom. 12:1010Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another; (Romans 12:10)), serve one another (Gal. 5:1313For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. (Galatians 5:13)), forgive one another (Eph. 4:3232And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32)), admonish one another (Col. 3:1616Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. (Colossians 3:16)), and consider one another (Heb. 10:2424And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: (Hebrews 10:24)) are all precious results of that natural care which Timothy so beautifully displayed in his life.
Learning to "Spend and Be Spent”
v 27 "For indeed he was sick nigh unto death: but God had mercy on him; and not on him only, but on me also, lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow.”
Epaphroditus served the assembly and the apostle at great personal cost. He was willing to lay down his life for the brethren. Paul set the example he followed, by willingly spending and being spent in service for the Corinthians. (2 Cor. 12:1515And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved. (2 Corinthians 12:15)). However, these Scriptural examples will have little effect on children, if they do not see similar selfless service in action in the lives of their parents.
Along with setting an example, parents must help their children to learn to serve intelligently. Not every service that bears the name of "Christian" is suitable to the Lord's honor and glory. Paul beseeches the Roman believers (and all believers) to "present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your intelligent service." (Rom. 12:22And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. (Romans 12:2), JND).
Bearing Responsibility
v 29, 30 "Receive him therefore in the Lord with all gladness; and hold such in reputation: Because for the work of Christ he was nigh unto death, not regarding his life, to supply your lack of service toward me.”
Man refuses to accept responsibility for the results of his wicked behavior. Today, the impunity with which he mistreats his fellow man, refusing to accept any responsibility for the pain and suffering he willingly inflicts, is a sad example. Such a wicked spirit may adversely affect the Christian home. It is true that for the Lord's servant, "to his own master he standeth or falleth." (Rom. 14:44Who art thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand. (Romans 14:4)). But that does not remove responsibility from the servant for his actions. "It is right not to eat meat, nor drink wine, nor do anything in which thy brother stumbles, or is offended, or is weak." (Rom. 14:2121It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak. (Romans 14:21), JND) Concern for how our conduct affects others is an important concept to instill in children, and critically important for parents to display.
The Philippians' failure to serve the apostle was not due to a lack of Christian love or concern. Circumstances denied them that privilege. Thus Epaphroditus, in Divine love, bore that burden of service on their behalf, doing so at great cost to himself. Another has reminded us that "Every action has present and eternal consequences". It is good for children to learn early, that their actions or lack thereof, cause consequences which may have profound, lasting effects on others.
The Divinely perfect example is seen in the Lord Jesus who "... suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps." (1 Peter 2:2-252As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby: 3If so be ye have tasted that the Lord is gracious. 4To whom coming, as unto a living stone, disallowed indeed of men, but chosen of God, and precious, 5Ye also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ. 6Wherefore also it is contained in the scripture, Behold, I lay in Sion a chief corner stone, elect, precious: and he that believeth on him shall not be confounded. 7Unto you therefore which believe he is precious: but unto them which be disobedient, the stone which the builders disallowed, the same is made the head of the corner, 8And a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offence, even to them which stumble at the word, being disobedient: whereunto also they were appointed. 9But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should show forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light: 10Which in time past were not a people, but are now the people of God: which had not obtained mercy, but now have obtained mercy. 11Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul; 12Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation. 13Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; 14Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well. 15For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men: 16As free, and not using your liberty for a cloke of maliciousness, but as the servants of God. 17Honor all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king. 18Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. 19For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully. 20For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. 21For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: 22Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: 23Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: 24Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. 25For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls. (1 Peter 2:2‑25)). What solemn yet eternally precious consequences from His life! May we seek to emulate this Divine pattern of service in our finite measure.