Assurances of love
v 1 "Therefore, my brethren dearly beloved and longed for, my joy and crown, so stand fast in the Lord, my dearly beloved.”
It is love for Christ which gives believers the desire to stand fast in the Lord. Paul's heart of love for the Philippians overflows as he beseeches them to not give up in the path of faith. As noted earlier, how could they refuse such constraining love?
Encouraging children to hold fast to that which they have been taught—to not give up those Divine precepts—will be much more effective when coupled with like assurances of parental love and affection.
Constant reminders of the Lord's love and parental love will serve as a wonderful motivation for children to stand fast in the Lord. We doubt that parents could ever too often tell their children that "We love you. You are very special to us". May our children always enjoy the confidence of knowing that they are dearly beloved to us. When this is so, the following desire will carry real weight when expressed to them: "My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother". (Prov. 6:2020My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother: (Proverbs 6:20)).
Family Unity
v 2 "I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord.”
The value of family oneness and unity in Christ is beyond price. But if it be not Christian unity (which unity we are to endeavor to keep), it is of little worth. Simeon and Levi were united as brethren in their violence. This unity grieved the heart of their father Jacob who said, "unto their assembly, mine honor, be not thou united.. Cursed be their anger". (Gen. 49:6, 76O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honor, be not thou united: for in their anger they slew a man, and in their selfwill they digged down a wall. 7Cursed be their anger, for it was fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel: I will divide them in Jacob, and scatter them in Israel. (Genesis 49:6‑7)).
We often speak of the importance of maintaining the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Eph. 4:33Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:3)) in the assembly. Are we seeking diligently to see that same spirit of unity kept in our families? If there is no uniting bond of peace in families, there will be little of that spirit reflected in the assembly.
Care for Others—Personal Rejoicing
v 3, 4 "And I entreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which labored with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers, whose names are in the book of life. Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.”
A loving concern for their brethren and seeking to do good unto all men (Gal. 6:1010As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith. (Galatians 6:10)) is another of the vital Christian graces parents must develop in children. But even more important is attaching their hearts to the servants of Christ who minister among the saints and the lost. In doing this, even little children will experience true rejoicing. But as always, such a spirit is most effectively developed in them if it is working effectively in their parents. If children see exhibited in their parents a grudging, complaining spirit when called upon to help others, or if they see them display reluctance in serving other believers, they too will quickly lose interest in ministering to the brethren. "God loveth a cheerful giver" (2 Cor. 9:77Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver. (2 Corinthians 9:7)), "by love, serve..." (Gal. 5:1313For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. (Galatians 5:13)).
Physical and Emotional Gentleness
v 5 "Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.”
In the JND translation this is rendered "Let your gentleness be known...". Every facet of children's lives and interaction with others inside and outside the family circle ought to be characterized by gentleness—gentleness in words, work, play—in all family interactions with one another. But remember again, children must see gentleness displayed in their parents.
Being Gentle Parents
Before speaking of the importance of developing gentleness in children, one would beseech parents to see to it that every action of their own lives—individually and within the family sphere—is marked by gentleness. This is especially important when commanding obedience. Harshly spoken parental commands are far too easy to speak, far too dangerous to allow, and far too damaging to use. Emphasizing the importance of parental commands by raising voices, or by allowing spoken words to sound angry or frustrated—worse yet, by yelling at children—teaches them a deadly lesson.
In such an environment, children quickly learn to respond only to parental anger, harshness or frustration. Unless dad or mom sounds angry, children see no reason to listen. Thus the vital quality of parental love in child discipline is lost, and children learn that parental anger and frustration is to be expected as normal in matters of obedience. Sadly, they soon learn that obedience is only necessary when dad and mom are angry. Oh! dad and mom, be gentle!
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness,..." (Gal. 5:2222But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, (Galatians 5:22)) "But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children:" (1 Thess. 2:77But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children: (1 Thessalonians 2:7)). "Now I Paul myself beseech you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ..." (2 Cor. 10:11Now I Paul myself beseech you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ, who in presence am base among you, but being absent am bold toward you: (2 Corinthians 10:1)).
Being Gentle Children
In the world children are increasingly taught to interact with one another through rough talk and unseemly physical contact. The reasoning that such conduct is a normal, healthy part of childhood is a lie of Satan. Much of this violent activity has developed from the unwise over-emphasis placed on organized school and professional sports which are by nature often violent and often connected with gross immorality. "Neither be ye idolaters, as were some of them; as it is written, The people sat down to eat and drink, and rose up to play." (1 Cor. 10:77Neither be ye idolaters, as were some of them; as it is written, The people sat down to eat and drink, and rose up to play. (1 Corinthians 10:7)).
The Word of God clearly tells us that bodily exercise profiteth for a little (or for a little time). (1 Tim. 4:88For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come. (1 Timothy 4:8)). Physical exercise is good, violence is not. There are many kinds of wholesome physical activities which families—children and parents—may enjoy without encouraging them to engage in physically violent, unbecoming, or morally unseemly conduct.
Ever remember that it is the power of Christ which enables His own to live manifesting gentleness in a world characterized by corruption, unseemly physical contact and violence.
Dangerous Physical Contact
An especially dangerous tendency in the present culture has emerged in recent years, having its roots in the feminist—equal rights movement. This morally destructive spirit actively encourages young girls to compete (through physically rough contact as well as all other areas of life) with boys. We would beseech Christian parents to be especially careful of this evil influence. "... also that the women in decent deportment and dress adorn themselves with modesty and discretion" (2 Tim. 2:99Wherein I suffer trouble, as an evil doer, even unto bonds; but the word of God is not bound. (2 Timothy 2:9), JND). "... it is good, my daughter, that thou go out with his maidens, that they meet thee not in any other field. So she kept fast by the maidens of Boaz..." (Ruth 2:22, 2322And Naomi said unto Ruth her daughter in law, It is good, my daughter, that thou go out with his maidens, that they meet thee not in any other field. 23So she kept fast by the maidens of Boaz to glean unto the end of barley harvest and of wheat harvest; and dwelt with her mother in law. (Ruth 2:22‑23)).
It is so important to teach children early in life, that there exists specific, clear boundaries of Godly propriety in their contact with members of the opposite sex. These boundaries, meant to control the way in which boys and girls interact with each other, are vital for God has ordained unique and different spheres of life for the male and female.
Rough or otherwise unseemly physical contact and harsh language should never be allowed—not between brothers and sisters and not between playmates. To allow such, flies in the face of the principles of the Word of God. "It is good for a man not to touch a woman". (1 Cor. 7:11Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. (1 Corinthians 7:1)). "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt..." (Col. 4:66Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. (Colossians 4:6)).
There are, as we have said, a wide variety of healthy and appropriate physical activities that children can be encouraged to enjoy by watchful Christian parents. Remember that our blessed Lord Jesus as a Babe, a Boy, a Young Man, and a Man was holy, harmless, and undefiled. What a wonderful example for parents to present to their beloved little ones as they seek to mold them into gentle, undefiled God-fearing children.
Home—a Friendly or Fearful Place?
v 6 "Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”
A spirit of fear, anxiety or constant tension allowed in the home creates harmful, lasting effects in the lives of children. We have an unfailing resource of strength and provision in our blessed God. Not a hair of our heads is unimportant to Him, and He is pure, Divine love—always doing exceeding abundantly above all that we can ask or think. (Eph. 3:2020Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, (Ephesians 3:20)). Let parents be diligent to instill in their children at an early age, faith and confidence in our blessed God—His grace and love.
We need to be aware of the great (and sometimes permanent damage) that can be done to the tender minds of children, if they are raised in a family atmosphere of constant tension, anxiety and stress. We would warn parents to keep from displaying or allowing such a spirit in the home.
Gathering the family together to pray about concerns and trials in calm confidence before God is a wonderful, blessed experience for children. Parental peace and confidence in the face of difficulties is vital, effectively teaching children that: "I can do all things through Christ that strengtheneth me.”
Striving for Peace
v 7 "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Through the redeeming work of our blessed Lord and Savior we have peace with God. (Rom. 5:11Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: (Romans 5:1)). Thus, Christian homes and family relationships ought always to be marked by peace—never by strife. What sad accounts we have in the Word of some families of saints of God who created or allowed strife and turmoil among their children. Peace doesn't just happen. Peace must be cultivated continually, first individually in the lives of parents, then in the home and family.
The first boy born in this world, Cain, murdered his brother in a fit of jealous rage. Esau planned to kill his younger brother Jacob, after Jacob had deceitfully stolen Esau's birthright at his mother's direction. Joseph, so loved by his father, was hated by his brothers, who sold him into slavery in Egypt. The history of some of David's children such as Absalom, Amnon, and Tamar is exceedingly sad to read. Yet, all of these accounts (and many more) are recorded in Divine Inspiration for our learning (Rom. 15:44For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope. (Romans 15:4)) that our families might not have to suffer the awful results of such unrestrained strife, anger, and envy.
Dad and mom! always be at peace with each other, and prayerfully, diligently teach your children to ever follow things which make for peace. (Rom. 14:1919Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another. (Romans 14:19)).
Practicing Purity
v 8, 9 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.”
If one were asked to provide a single Biblical rule for effective parenting it would be difficult to quote a better passage then these two verses. The principles contained in them are so plain as to need little comment.
But specially notice, how Paul connects the example of his life with that which is honest, just, pure, etc. So often we as parents fail, not so much in reading the Word to our children, but failing in being diligent to live our lives according to the tenor of the Divine words we read and teach them.
Dishonesty, impurity, evil reports, lack of virtue—diligent Christian parents naturally zealously guard their home from such influences which would mar and defile the family atmosphere. However, parents may not always realize how loudly habits, words, and actions speak to the precious lambs that God has given to them—especially when such actions contradict the words being spoken.
Dear parents! seek grace and humility before God to live before your children consistent with the Word of God and with what your children hear you say. Never allow words or conduct in your life that are not in full harmony with the Word of God!
A home marked by an atmosphere of Godliness, with parents whose lives set an example of holiness and reverence, will result in children having a real sense of His presence as the God of peace. How happy the home that is marked by such peace!
Satisfied With More and Satisfied With Less
v 10-12 "But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity. Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.”
Teaching children to be content is vital if they are to enjoy happy, fulfilled lives—and vital as well to experiencing happy, peaceful homes. In the world in which many of us live, where material wealth and possessions are easily gained, learning to be content with little—learning to do with less or without-is a task that requires power which can be found alone in Christ.
The Apostle could be full or suffer want—it made no difference to him. He was not seeking to please self, but to please His Lord. Being full did not cause him to covet when he was in want, and being in want did not cause him to expend his energies seeking to gain what he lacked materially. The strength and power of Christ gave him all that was needed to be satisfied and serve acceptably in each circumstance of his life.
"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out." (1 Tim. 6:66But godliness with contentment is great gain. (1 Timothy 6:6)). "... the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy;" (1 Tim. 6:1717Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy; (1 Timothy 6:17)). "He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?" (Rom. 8:3232He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? (Romans 8:32)).
Strong Weakness
v 13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
In a world marked by a frantic quest for power, multitudes of godless philosophies and schemes to find, gain and wield power are proposed. Some teach that "knowledge is power", others, "riches are power", while others say "liberty is power". Whatever the philosophy, children are taught that the strong win and survive, while the weak lose and perish. They learn to look within themselves, relying on their own intelligence and force of will, as resources to live successfully and happily. They constantly hear that strength to overcome life's obstacles is found within self. Reliance on self is placed in direct opposition to dependence on God, and is ruinous to Christian growth.
Divine truth concerning strength and power is beautifully presented in Hannah's song found in 1 Sam. 2:1-101And Hannah prayed, and said, My heart rejoiceth in the Lord, mine horn is exalted in the Lord: my mouth is enlarged over mine enemies; because I rejoice in thy salvation. 2There is none holy as the Lord: for there is none beside thee: neither is there any rock like our God. 3Talk no more so exceeding proudly; let not arrogancy come out of your mouth: for the Lord is a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed. 4The bows of the mighty men are broken, and they that stumbled are girded with strength. 5They that were full have hired out themselves for bread; and they that were hungry ceased: so that the barren hath born seven; and she that hath many children is waxed feeble. 6The Lord killeth, and maketh alive: he bringeth down to the grave, and bringeth up. 7The Lord maketh poor, and maketh rich: he bringeth low, and lifteth up. 8He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth up the beggar from the dunghill, to set them among princes, and to make them inherit the throne of glory: for the pillars of the earth are the Lord's, and he hath set the world upon them. 9He will keep the feet of his saints, and the wicked shall be silent in darkness; for by strength shall no man prevail. 10The adversaries of the Lord shall be broken to pieces; out of heaven shall he thunder upon them: the Lord shall judge the ends of the earth; and he shall give strength unto his king, and exalt the horn of his anointed. (1 Samuel 2:1‑10). Towards the end of this doxology of praise she says: "He will keep the feet of his saints... for by strength shall no man prevail.”
Boys especially are targets of the world's emphasis on power and strength (girls are more marked as objects of lust and seduction). Through numerous means (such as entertainment, sports and advertising) physical strength is glorified. But strength needed to live in dependence on God, is ridiculed as being an unacceptable sign of weakness in men.
Paul rebukes the worldly-minded Corinthian believers (2 Cor. 10:1010For his letters, say they, are weighty and powerful; but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech contemptible. (2 Corinthians 10:10)) because they had adopted the world's view and value of strength, finding fault with the beloved Apostle because "his bodily presence is weak, and his speech contemptible." Yet, except for the blessed God-Man, Jesus, perhaps there was no other as strong and fearless in his faith, as the Apostle Paul (see 2 Cor. 11:23-3323Are they ministers of Christ? (I speak as a fool) I am more; in labors more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft. 24Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. 25Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; 26In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; 27In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. 28Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches. 29Who is weak, and I am not weak? who is offended, and I burn not? 30If I must needs glory, I will glory of the things which concern mine infirmities. 31The God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is blessed for evermore, knoweth that I lie not. 32In Damascus the governor under Aretas the king kept the city of the Damascenes with a garrison, desirous to apprehend me: 33And through a window in a basket was I let down by the wall, and escaped his hands. (2 Corinthians 11:23‑33)). On the Damascus road he had met One who was infinite in power and love. In the strength of that glorious omnipotent Christ. Paul found he could indeed do all things.
How important for children to learn this lesson in a world marked by self-will and self-pleasing. Christian parents have the wonderful privilege of teaching their children that the strength of Christ will enable them to refuse the evil, and choose the good (Isa. 7:1515Butter and honey shall he eat, that he may know to refuse the evil, and choose the good. (Isaiah 7:15)), in a scene which uses the power it gains to willingly run to the sink of corruption. (1 Peter 4:44Wherein they think it strange that ye run not with them to the same excess of riot, speaking evil of you: (1 Peter 4:4) JND).
Rewards for Others
v 17 "Not because I desire a gift: but I desire fruit that may abound to your account.”
The apostle had commended the Philippian believers for materially providing for his needs. But it was not his material comfort that caused this commendation. He desired they might have the joy of producing fruit that would have its sure reward for them, in a coming day of glory.
This vital principle—seeking the good of others before self—is entirely at odds with the cravings of the flesh. As in all things, our Lord's life provides the perfect example for He did not please himself. By the example of His perfect life of service, children learn that believers are not to please ourselves, but to please his neighbor... (Rom. 15:1-31We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves. 2Let every one of us please his neighbor for his good to edification. 3For even Christ pleased not himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me. (Romans 15:1‑3) JND).
God First
v 18 "But I have all, and abound: I am full, having received of Epaphroditus the things which were sent from you, an odor of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, wellpleasing to God.”
The gift of love Epaphroditus brought to Paul from his beloved Philippian children no doubt caused him deep joy as well as practical comfort. But the highest evaluation he gives it is that it was well pleasing to God.
Sometimes we see a car bumper sticker with a school name reading, "My son (or daughter) is an honor student". Such parental satisfaction with the reward that their child's diligent hard work has earned is understandable. But children's actions that are acceptable, well pleasing to God ought always to be the chief reason for Christian parental joy and satisfaction.
Promised Supplies
v 19 "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”
In chapter 2 we mentioned the great importance of parents making a difference between providing their children with things they need and trying to give them everything they want.
Here this Divine principle is presented simply and in wonderful clarity and power. God has made a promise to His dear children. He will unfailingly supply their every need. And He Who is infinite in wisdom and love, always and perfectly knows the difference between the needs and the wants of His children—knows what is best for them and when to give to them.
Then too, our wonderful God and Father ever invites His beloved children into His presence—at all times—to make our requests known. (Phil. 4:66Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. (Philippians 4:6), Heb. 4:1616Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)). Though we often are not intelligent in the expression of our desires, there is the sweet confidence of knowing that at every moment we are welcome to pour out those desires in His blessed presence.
In like manner our dear children ought to know that they are ever and always welcome to come at all times into our presence (and are encouraged to do so) to express their desires, wants and concerns, however little or insignificant they may seem. If parents have diligently developed a relationship of love and trust with their children, there will be ready acceptance of a parental "no" or "not now", expressed as happily as receiving the answer "yes". Trust and confidence in parents gives children the wonderful assurance that dad and mom really do know what is best for them.
The Most Important Element in Parenting
v 23 "The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.”
And so Paul—the spiritual father—brings to a close (as inspired by the Spirit of God) this letter to his dear Philippian children in the faith. In all that he has written to them, in all of the Divine instruction he was inspired to give to them, the final seal on its being made good in the many and varied circumstances of life they would meet, is summed up in the precious word grace. And this grace is Divine for it is the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. With His Divine grace attending their ways and all that they would meet with in life, they would find victory, joy, blessing and satisfaction—children in God's family who were blessed exceedingly in all their ways, beyond that which they could ask or think. It should be so with Christian families (indeed with all believers) today.
May the spirit of grace, the grace of our blessed Lord Jesus, mark every facet of Christian homes and parent-child relationships. Grace in living and raising children for God's glory is vitally important and absolutely necessary. Without prayerfully seeking fresh daily supplies of Divine grace, (He giveth more grace—James 4:66But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. (James 4:6)) Christian parents raising children in this dark, godless world will find themselves powerless to preserve their precious lambs from the violence of the enemy-coming at times as an angel of light, at others as a roaring lion.
In Closing
I remember realizing from the time our sons were very small, that an awful, implacable foe had arrayed himself against our family—the same wicked foe who motivated Pharaoh and Herod to destroy those precious little ones of God's beloved people. His intention is the same today—to devastate the potential spiritual strength (boys) and fruitfulness (girls) of Christian families by seeking to destroy our children.
No doubt many a dear Christian parent has found special passages which have been used by the Spirit of God to provide a sense of sweet comfort. My wife and I were specially fond of the prayer of the Lord Jesus to His Father in John 17:1515I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. (John 17:15). "I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from evil." He was leaving those He loved in a world that hated Him and them. He prayed in perfect Divine communion and intelligence with the Father, not that those He loved would be taken away from the evil, but would be kept and protected in the midst of it—from its influences and effects.
He knew in perfection what each of His precious blood bought children would have to face in this scene of His rejection. Yet, in perfect love and confidence, He commits those He loved and gave Himself for, to the Father's care. We know that our precious Savior has promised to never leave or forsake us, thus parents may experience sweet peace knowing that "greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." (1 John 4:44Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. (1 John 4:4)). What an infinite resource Christian parents have, and what a solemn responsibility!
Thus it is, with the earnest prayer and heartfelt desire that these thoughts may be used in blessing for Christian families, this little meditation is closed with the words of the beloved apostle to the Ephesian elders: "And now I commit you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up..." (Acts 20:3232And now, brethren, I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them which are sanctified. (Acts 20:32)).
Epilogue—What About Physical Discipline?
I want to add a few brief comments on the vitally important issue of administering physical punishment (such as spanking) to children. In view of the spirit of this present world, this subject requires earnest and diligent parental prayer, seeking His guidance and wisdom.
We are witnessing a vast worldwide movement which in many lands has resulted in the enactment of laws forbidding parents to administer any kind of physical punishment to their children. As seen with other social movements of the past 3 or 4 decades, such laws undermine God established headship and authority.
Does this mean then that Christian parents—seeking to be subject to the higher powers (Rom. 13:11Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. (Romans 13:1))-may no longer administer Biblically directed physical punishment to their children when needed? Of course not! for we ought to obey God rather than man. (Acts 5:2929Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men. (Acts 5:29)) The Word of God is plain on this critically important subject. "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell." (Prov. 23:13,1413Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. (Proverbs 23:13‑14)) From these verses we learn that physical chastisement, if applied when necessary and in the right spirit, can bring real happiness and blessing into our beloved children’s' lives.
In the New Testament the Apostle Paul asks his beloved though disobedient spiritual children in Corinth, "What will ye? that I come to you with a rod; or in love, and in a spirit of meekness?" (1 Cor. 4:2121What will ye? shall I come unto you with a rod, or in love, and in the spirit of meekness? (1 Corinthians 4:21)). The rod symbolizes a severe, solemn chastisement. But we also learn by his warning in spiritual things, that the rod was evidently a normal method of administering punishment in natural things.
The present world is so hardened to violence and corruption that the words rod and beat imply significantly different thoughts then they were understood to mean in Biblical times. When used then as a object to administer needed chastisement, a rod often seems to suggest the thought of a branch—more in keeping with what we understand when speaking of a switch or similar object. At times however, it symbolized God's dealing with man in a most solemn, severe manner (see Psa. 2:99Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron; thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel. (Psalm 2:9), Rev. 2:27, 12:5, 19:15). Whatever a rod was understood to mean, it was one way—an accepted way—in which physical chastisement was administered when disobedience called for such punishment. Since this instruction is Divine, and our God has not changed (Mal. 3:66For I am the Lord, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed. (Malachi 3:6)), we may rest assured that He has not changed His principles concerning the vital issue of such discipline for children.
But dear parents! be careful of the way in which you use your hands to administer physical chastisement. The hands of the Lord Jesus were used to dispense blessing in Divine love—the hands of man were used to strike the Son of God in mockery and contempt. This is not to suggest that the hands should never be used to administer physical punishment, but Oh! dear parents, be very, very careful! Remember, it is a rod rather than a hand which in Proverbs.
Administering Chastisement in the Right Spirit
Punishing a child should always be a matter of humbling and grief to parents. Do prayerfully consider the possibility that the necessity to punish your child may suggest some failure or lack of watchfulness in your parental responsibilities. Let us not forget the sad but instructive history recorded in Judg. 19-21. Too often parents may act in the spirit of the 11 tribes in Judg. 19 who, anxious to punish the erring tribe of Benjamin, seem to have had no thought of their own need of being properly humbled concerning their part in that horrible sin. Only after the 11 tribes were broken and weeping before Jehovah about the failure that had come in among them all, did God judge the tribe of Benjamin for the awful wickedness they had defended. Let dear parents always walk softly, with tender consciences, seeking the Lord's mind as to what circumstances have brought about the need for chastisement of a child.
Never—we cannot too strongly emphasize the word—never should correction or chastisement of any kind be administered in a spirit of parental self righteousness, frustration, or exasperation. Too often the world has observed children horribly abused—both emotionally and physically. Christian parents—for the sake of honoring and glorifying our Lord and for the sake of their children—must be ever careful of the spirit in which they administer correction to their beloved lambs.
Administering Chastisement in Private
Because of the current level of awareness and disapproval in the world of any kind of physical punishment for children, we encourage parents to be very careful that they administer needed chastisement in private whenever possible. Doing so in public may give occasion for government authorities to become involved in something which ought to be kept between parents and children.
It is not, however, primarily fear of the world that encourages such covering or hiding when chastisement of our children is necessary. Biblical principles clearly show us that (Prov. 10:1212Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins. (Proverbs 10:12) and 17:9) the motive for hiding sins is not fear of man (which brings a snare-Prov. 29:2525The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe. (Proverbs 29:25)), but love that covers.
In 2 Sam. 1 we read of King Saul's death—the result of God's judgment on his sin and rebellion. Yet when David learns of the death of Saul and Jonathan, he and his men weep in sorrow. In his touching lamentation, David says "Tell it not in Gath, publish it not in the streets of Askelon; lest the daughters of the Philistines rejoice, lest the daughters of the uncircumcised triumph." While fully submitting to God's righteous dealings, David's desire was that Saul's failure and judgment would be hidden from the world. This lovely principle ought always to characterize parents' when chastising their children.
Also we read that Ham saw the nakedness of his father, when Noah had become drunken (Gen. 9:20-2920And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard: 21And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. 22And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without. 23And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness. 24And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him. 25And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren. 26And he said, Blessed be the Lord God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant. 27God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant. 28And Noah lived after the flood three hundred and fifty years. 29And all the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years: and he died. (Genesis 9:20‑29)). Rather than covering (hiding) his father's sin, he publicized it—and a solemn curse was pronounced on his son (Canaan) as a result. Oh! dear parents we earnestly beseech you to seek every means possible to keep from making the chastising of your children a matter of public display!
One also feels, that if administered only when necessary, and in a proper spirit, physical punishment may, happily, be needed very infrequently. As children grow older, the time comes when physical punishment is inappropriate. Our blessed God will grant needed wisdom in each individual case (James 1:55If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. (James 1:5)).
God grant that dear Christian parents in these dark days and perilous times be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. But ever remember Moses' parents, Amram and Jochebed, who raised their son—indeed, all three of their children—in the fear of God and in the very worst imaginable times, for they were not afraid of the king's commandment.
L. D. N.
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