Dear Mother:
I am still on board ship. The scenery has an attraction and again it hasn’t, for it makes me feel sick, for the more I see the more I feel like Solomon in Ecclesiastes 1:22Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity. (Ecclesiastes 1:2), “Vanity of vanities.....all is vanity,” and all my life seems like a dream. Some days I feel quite happy and full of hope, and others I am quite sad and brokenhearted, and I have to go to the Lord about it and look up some of those verses in the Psalms, then I feel better again. The devil tries hard to discourage me but in that hymn in the “Messages of Love” Hymn Book, No. 66, it says we should never be discouraged but take it to the Lord in prayer.
I feel something like David did in the 51st Psalm, but I can thank the Lord for what I have had to pass through, for I don’t believe I would have learned what I have if I had not been here. I can realize a little more of His wondrous love to me. The other day I started to read 2 Timothy and to put my name in the 5th verse instead of Timothy’s and yours and grandmother’s but before I finished it, I could not see for crying and thinking how much I came short of it.
Tell W. he can’t study his Bible too much, for I feel sorry now that I neglected it as much as I did. There is nothing I like better now. I received your last letter the day before we left, and was glad to get it, and even if it does make me cry, it makes me feel better. Well, this may be my last, or it may not, the Lord only knows. If this is the last, you will know where I am and why, but there is one thing, I will be happy up there, and I hope we shall all meet up there soon. It is the only thing I can look forward to with joy, and I like to sing about it.
I received your letter, father’s and Mr. H.’s
Yesterday, and I was glad to get them.
I trust I will soon be delivered from this, but I may have a lot to learn yet, and it is the Lord who will have to open the way and let me out. I can’t see Him coming yet., but I have to wait with patience. (Psa. 27:1414Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. (Psalm 27:14)). O, if I only knew exactly what the Lord would have me do. I haven’t given up asking Him yet, for the answer must be sure to come some day, but may be not in the way I look for it. (Luke 11:9, 109And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. 10For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. (Luke 11:9‑10); Matt. 7:7, 87Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. (Matthew 7:7‑8); John 14:13,1413And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it. (John 14:13‑14); James 1:5, 65If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. 6But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. (James 1:5‑6)). He knows what I am passing through.
Well, I thank the Lord that I still have a little time to study His Word, although we are kept pretty busy, but I hope the rest of them at home will learn a lesson from me.
Jesus said, “Let not your heart be troubled; neither let it be afraid.” Sometimes I feel as if I could stand anything for Him, and at other times, the flesh comes in and tries to frighten me.
One fellow just passed, and asked me if I was writing a sermon, because I have my Bible and Testament open here on the ground by my side and your letters strewn around me.
Well, mother I wish it was all over, and that I could understand Jesus’ commands as well as man’s, and had more courage to do them. I long to have another talk with you but we are thousands of miles apart, though I feel sure we shall meet some day.
There are a lot of heavy hearts here now.
God has been very near and dear to me these past weeks. Some days were more trying than others, and then was the time He proved His nearness. I have had some fine talks with some of the boys, and I was surprised how many, in fact all, who believe that works will get them to heaven. The “Precious Blood” meant nothing. Pray for me, and if I never come back, know that my sleep in Christ Jesus will be far sweeter than anything this world can give.